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A “Shitty” Mother’s Day

A “Shitty” Mother’s Day

Photo by Michael Dent

 

I’m Madeline, a forty-something woman who takes life by the horns…but I don’t take the bullshit that often comes with it.  I tell it like it is…to your face.  My philosophy is simple: be yourself,  laugh often, make others laugh, and Be Happy Already!


I hope you all are having a delightful, loving Mother’s Day. It wouldn’t take much to top mine so far…

 

While some of you were nibbling on breakfast in bed, a putrid smell floated into my bedroom. And, I assure you, it wasn’t breakfast!  In addition to the gagging scent of god knows what, the clanking of wrenches and gargling welcomed me back from a half-alive, Ambien-hang-over state.  I trudged through the hallway to find my husband kneeling in front of a hole in the bathroom floor where the toilet was supposed be.  “Huh?” I spouted with confusion, blinking dry, sleepy eyes.

 

“It’s full…the septic  tank is full…or clogged,” he replies in a your-mother’s-day-is-shot sort of tone.

 

“I have to pee!” I demanded.

 

“Use the other bathroom…oh, and don’t flush it.”

 

Wonderful! I thought and walked to the other bathroom…at least it had a toilet still attached to the drain.  However, the bathtub was full of what I call poop-water.  Lovely, right?

 

I really don’t want to have a bad attitude about this, so I’m going to attempt to look on the bright side of things…and you know how much of a challenge that is for me. I’m not exactly the silver-lining type of gal; I’m more the kick-life-in-the-teeth when it acts up sort of rebel.  Really, just read some of my other posts! But, I’m trying to make a change here.  I’m ready to look through some rose-colored glasses, be my own best friend.

So, here it goes…

Five Things To Be Glad About Your Septic Tank Backing Up On Mother’s Day

 

1.  If you never have anything bad happen, how do you know if you have a humanly acceptable attitude?

 

2. I don’t have to do a load of laundry, the dishes, or the usual hunting expedition to find my shampoo and body wash.

 

3. It’s nice outside, so I can at least escape the sewer smell that would gag a rat.

 

4. Because the bathroom door is closed, my dog won’t get the toilet paper and shred it into confetti all over my living room floor.

 

5. In order to avoid the $500 up-charge to have a septic service come out on a Sunday, we get to stay at a lovely hotel for the night.

 

There you have it!  That’s the best I can do, considering my Mother’s Day plight…Oh yeah, I almost forgot the most important thing of all:  I have great, healthy kids who love me just the way I am…that’s saying a lot!

Happy Mom’s Day!

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About Madeline

Madeline is a mid-west mom of three who spends most of her time refilling ice trays and changing toilet paper...just kidding. She is a high school guidance counselor, all around funny gal, and a writer. Her first book, Be Happy Already!", is in the works.

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