Introspective Sunday
Introspective Sunday
Welcome to Women’s Life Link and the day when we take a look inside ourselves for the not-so-obvious answers. This day is not like any other; it’s just as important, just as uneventful, just as normal or twisted as the last one was and the next one will be. The thing is, we need to see that every day is another opportunity to get closer to our dreams, our goals, our life’s purpose, making each one its own special piece of the puzzle that makes up our lives. Time is always there to usher us to these milestones. Now, whether we are paying attention or working with time, is another thing altogether. Let’s take a look at that…
“Today, be aware of how you are spending your 1,440 beautiful moments, and spend them wisely.”
˜Author Unknown
Another Day-Another Dollar?
Are you living for what you can earn, for what you can buy? I don’t think too many of you would admit it, though, it’s likely that some of you are. Our society pushes us to have more things…it’s a fact of life that’s not going to change any time soon. So, how do we bring purpose and alternative focus to the few precious moments that we have?
First, we have to realize that money is not what makes us happy; it’s simply a means to an end. What we really want are the beautiful emotions that we feel when we can buy a gift for a loved one; treat your whole family to a week in Hawaii; splurge on those cute, strappy sandals. Having said that, we must understand that those “beautiful emotions” can, and will, be there regardless of what we have in the bank. It’s simply a matter of perspective.
Paradigm Shift
How about taking that same twenty-four hours and focusing on contributing to the greater good of mankind, loving more, seeking spiritual things, getting to know yourself. I’m not saying you should forsake all and go join the Peace Corp (unless that’s your purpose). No, this process happens on the inside…in your brain, your soul, your spirit, the self-focus that is as selfless as giving your life for another. After spending some time with little ole you, the “where, when, who, how, and why” of your life will be much clearer, and, I think you’ll discover those “cute, strappy sandals” will find their way into your closet…somehow.
Asking the Right Questions
Have you ever just been stuck on one question? Does it have the word “why” in it? We humans tend to want to know why everything happens, especially when things aren’t good. Realizing that we may never know “why” is truly a revelation, a relieving one at that. Start asking “what” or “how” instead; as in “what can I take from this situation?” or “how can I grow?” Do you see the difference? It takes you out of the back seat, out of the “little kid” mentality of always wondering why and always asking “are we there yet?” No, we’re not there yet. We have work to do. Slipping over the console to the driver’s seat will expedite things greatly.
Really, it’s all about how we see ourselves, our lives, and what we allow to influence us while on our journey. Daily choices are as important as the big ones. Remember that today as you introspect. Be well-be beautiful-be happy.
If you liked this article, you may also enjoy, Take a New Picture.
Introspective Sunday
I for one am someone who delights in a job well done, especially if it’s my own. There is, however, a difference between being efficient and quality-minded and being a perfectionist. Let’s explore that , sometimes invisible, line that separates the two.
“Perfectionism is not a quest for the best. It is a pursuit of the worst in ourselves, the part that tells us that nothing we do will ever be good enough – that we should try again.”
˜Julia Cameron
First thing’s first, you have to understand that not everything is as it seems. There are those who impress in every project, every outfit, every word they say, and even in every little task they perform from day-to-day. Having said that, here’s the funny thing: Though those individuals look and act like they have “it” all together, it’s likely that their lives are sitting on the edge of a very high cliff, ready to take a plunge to the rocks below. You just never see the faults, the insecurities, the mistakes; they won’t let you. They are perfectionists. A unique set of rules govern this group of people. Here are just a few:
Ten Commandments of the Perfectionist
1. Never let anyone see you struggle. That is why it always seems like they are natural at everything. In fact, they will steer clear of anything that they are not good at from the beginning.
2. Don’t admit fault or say you’re sorry. It’s too painful for them to realize that they are not perfect.
3. Have great ideas but have lousy follow through. New things make them vulnerable and put them in the critical arena where anyone can shoot them down.
4. Keep working on it until it’s perfect. There is a voice in their head that tells them “it’s not good enough; try harder.”
5. Avoid social scenes when you don’t feel pretty enough or have just the right outfit to wear.
6. Get constant approval from peers.
7. You must suffer from stress-related illnesses like, headaches, ulcers, high blood pressure, heart problems, and depression.
8. You must be competitive and always be right.
9. Be a chronic procrastinator. They don’t want you to know that they put things off because of fear of failure.
10. You must be perfect as expected by your parents. Or you must always win the affection of the one who abandoned you.
Now, that’s a lot of dysfunction to be whirling around in one person’s life, huh? Trust me…I know. I’ve been that person. Though I don’t still walk on the side of extreme perfectionism, I do tend to visit on occasion. It’s a place I spent a lot of time, so it’s normal to want to go to a safe place. However, I know that being a perfectionist is damaging and only produces constant negative thinking and ruins relationships. You can never be good enough for yourself , let alone anyone else. Pure hell.
Can you think of a time when you may have been wearing the shoes of a perfectionist? Don’t worry if you can; it doesn’t mean your doomed or anything. It just means that you have some real work to do…the kind that will help you succeed at being the person you are meant to be. I had to say goodbye to my perfectionist alter-ego. She really was very flawed and very stubborn…and so am I, still. The difference… it’s OK not to be perfect. I put that stubbornness to better use. I’m a much happier girl with all my faults, mistakes, and things I suck at. The joy is in the journey to become you, not in how much you can impress other people. Be well-be beautiful-be happy.
If you enjoyed this article, you may also like, Letting Go of Perfectionism.
Introspective Sunday
When did we arrive at a place where the simplest action of asking your fellow humans for assistance is not on the list of options, and for some, as painful as getting a root canal? Seriously, what form of twisted philosophy has inundated our lives, families, and businesses to the point of preferring a state of chronic dysfunction to freedom and success? Today, I want you to think about how easily or how difficult it is for you to ask for help.
“The great blessings of mankind are within us and within our reach; but we shut our eyes, and like people in the dark, we fall foul upon the very thing we search for, without finding it.”
˜Seneca (7 B.C. – 65 A.D.)
Isn’t that the truth? We will close our eyes to the challenge, issue, problem before we will ask for help. This unfortunate habit often puts us into a loop of defeat and low self-esteem. Keeping this way of thinking long term can lead to depression, anxiety, relationship issues, and any number of physical health problems.
As a life coach and a woman who naturally wants to help people, I find this kind of resistance often. I usually just ask flat out “why” they don’t ask for help. The answers are anything from “I don’t know how” to “I don’t want to bother someone with my problems”. Though I believe that what comes out is the “truth”, there is likely a deeper issue that needs to be uncovered.
Pride
Could it be that many people don’t want to involve others because they don’t want to them to see how dysfunctional they are?
The answer to that is, possibly. Pride and embarrassment really go hand-in-hand. If you have something to be proud of and then suddenly it’s threatened, you might do just about anything to keep your secret of failure from others. During financial problems is an area that you see this type of behavior quite often. The bankrupt business owner will wallow in the self-pity for months (even years) instead of reaching out to a friend, life-coach, or even a therapist to help with the emotions and physical climb out.
Here’s the thing with that: the longer you wait to get help with any problem, the longer you will have it. Additionally, and likely the worst part, you create this negative mantra (looping self-talk) that eventually becomes your normal if you don’t change it. It’s like accumulative stress that DOES NOT stop until you decide to stop it.
So, can you think of a time when you were afraid to ask for help?
What happened as a result of your fear and pride? Could you have solved your problem faster with the help of a professional or even a friend or family member?
Here’s a few tips to help you recognize when getting some help might be a good idea:
♦ You feel trapped in your situation. The thoughts that “things will never change” often come to mind.
♦ The “old happy you” has taken a permanent vacation.
♦ Your family has noticed a change in your behavior.
♦ You find that all the things you used to do are not as satisfying as they used to be.
♦ You lie awake in bed trying to “figure things out” or come up with the “miracle solution”.
♦ You avoid conversations that involve your problem.
The other thing is figuring out what kind of help you need. It could be that you just need to get out with a friend for some girl time or a nice chat – a break from your usual routine. On a more serious level, you might need to seek out the help of a professional like a counselor or psychologist. I am not qualified to tell you if you are at that place, but I will say this: If you are having constant feelings of despair and loneliness, you might want to talk to your health care provider about it.
The Life Coach
In between the two scenarios above would be the seeking out of a life coach. It’s the kind of help that can be as ongoing or short as you need. As a client, you call the shots with this relationship. There are no demands; you work on what is important to you. The coach is simply someone who leads you to the answers through self-discovery. Because they are experts at asking the right questions, you find answers much faster and more efficiently than you do in your insomniac nights.
No matter where you are in your life, there is bound to be something that has you stuck. Face it; you might need a helping hand. Please speak freely in your comments. After all, helping is my business. Be well-be beautiful.
***For more information about Kellie Stone and the coaching services she provides, please contact her via womenslifelink@gmail.com.
Introspective Sunday
How fitting that Introspective Sunday showed up as the first post of my second year as a blogger. As I was “introspecting” myself, I really wanted to get in touch with what motivates me to keep going, to press through difficulties, to see the finish line…if there is one. The question is really an easy one for me to answer on some levels, but for the deeper issues, it’s not quite as simple.
I know that I am a results-driven person…that’s easy to see; I always get moving with enthusiasm when the fruit of my labor reveals itself.
I also love when someone else notices my effort. Verbal encouragement goes a long way to crank up action in my world.
Knowing that I have support, physical, emotional, and spiritual.
And let’s not forget about Purpose…it’s the reason, the purist form of motivation.
Let’s take a look at each of these..but first a cool quote:
“The only lifelong, reliable motivations are those that come from within, and one of the strongest of those is the joy and pride that grow from knowing that you’ve just done something as well as you can do it.”
˜Lloyd Dobens
Results
If you are motivated by results, you will find it imperative to keep a journal and make continual short-term goals. It is this practice that will show you what you’ve accomplished on a regular basis. Even though I believe everyone would benefit from being anal about the details, YOU (the results-driven go getter) will do more than that; you will thrive!
Encouragement/Praise
If only you could just count on this one. Unfortunately, you can’t. When you involve the actions of others in your little get-me-going plan, you must understand that it might not work out the way you had hoped. And when you have expectations like that, you are almost always going to be let down at some point. Even your biggest supporters…family, friends, associates, etc. don’t know what you need all the time; they can’t read your mind (thank God).
Here’s the good part. It will come…and usually just in time. Spontaneous encouragement is the best kind. It is pure. In other words, you didn’t really do anything special to receive it. You might say it’s inspired. It leaves you knowing that you are loved and looked after by Divine forces. That’s more comforting than your best friend telling you your painting is “interesting” when you know it is just plain bad.
The Support System
Here’s where the family and friends support comes in. They see your efforts; they know your strengths and weaknesses; they know what happens when you fail…when you succeed. They are your constant. In fact, one or more may even be right there with you in the trenches, a running partner, a pal to weigh in with you, a fellow blogger who wants the same things as you…You know they love you no matter what…even if you don’t win this one. Knowing that you can cry, laugh, sulk, bitch, do the happy dance, and express every emotion known to man and they will be there. Just go easy on the bitchy part. Lean on them; they are there.
***One other thing about the support system, don’t forget about the Divine. God is on your side. Always.
Purpose
This is really my favorite motivator. It’s the one thing that checks your heart and sets you on the right road, going in the right direction. If you know your purpose, you can set your goals according to your present understanding of the plan for your life. Let’s say that all of those other motivators we talked about are your road map. And while knowing where you are and where you WANT to go is necessary, it still doesn’t tell you which direction you’re headed or the best way to get there. Even the smartest, most functional people get lost using maps. What we all need is a compass…or in today’s terms, a Tom Tom.
My friend, your purpose is that navigation tool. It tells you exactly how to get there, where to turn (and when), it’s keeps you out of trouble and moving even when you think you’re lost. Your purpose is something that you’ve had hanging around your whole life even if you didn’t have a clue it was there. Just to let you know, whether you choose to discover it or not, it will be there whispering, nudging, waiting for you to get a clue.
I like the “he went to Jared” commercial where the guy’s GPS system (a female persona) on the dash starts asking him what he purchased at Jared. She pretty much demands that he give her (the GPS) the diamond necklace that he bought for his girlfriend. He initially resists. The end shot is the necklace hanging over the GPS. My point is: Your purpose is like that; it will keep track of you and what you’re doing. And, one day, it will make itself VERY known. It might even have some requests (the diamond necklace), or demands.
So, in closing, ask yourself what motivates you. You know the answer…if not, find it. Be well-be beautiful.
***Not to be considered lightly. Your connection with God and Spirit is the most important thing you will ever have.
Introspective Sunday
This is an interesting (almost disturbing) question that I just had to ask. While in prayer/meditation last night, I actually asked if I could be attached to the chronic illness (migraine/daily headache) that came into my life, set up camp, and hasn’t left since. I have to be completely transparent here; there are times when having a headache is a way out. When I say that, I don’t mean that I’m purposely giving myself headaches; it’s more about the emotions that come after they arrive. Occasionally, it means Mom gets an extra rest, a break from housework, a little sympathy….OK, it’s not all that. I’m just saying it’s possible to get used to yourself, family, and the situation if it’s been a long term event. It’s acceptance with a lemon twist.
Do you know the saying, you become who you hang around? Well, if that’s true, I hang around myself with a headache quite frequently. Could it be that I’ve gotten too used to it and don’t know how to be any other way? I’ve worked so hard to get healthier and overcome these life-stealing headaches but have come up short every time. This could be the answer I’ve been searching for. I’m willing to explore it a little more. How about you?
It’s Your Turn
Are you doing the same thing with one or more of your problems or issues? It’s worth a couple minutes of your time to dig deeper into your thoughts and emotions. Taking control of your life may depend on what you discover. It wasn’t easy for me to admit that I could be attracting more migraines by having the smallest amount of attachment to “me” with a headache and the circumstances that follow. I never said that introspection was easy; it’s just worth it.
If you feel brave enough, please share any thoughts or discoveries you make during your own introspection. Be well-be beautiful.
Photo by Usagicassidy
Introspective Sunday
I’ve been thinking a lot about courage and confidence lately, so much so that it’s having a positive effect on me and the way I’m dealing with new situations. You know that I really do act on the things that I talk about here…don’t you? After all, I would feel extremely guilty if I didn’t. Having said that, today I want to chat about the courage that helps you be you and me be me.
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.”
˜Marianne Williamson
Now that quote is one the most profound introspections I’ve ever heard. To think that we might actually be afraid of what’s inside of us. It reminds me of another quote from the movie Karate Kid. Daniel goes to Mr. Miagi to ask him if he fixed his bike and discovers that he is cutting little trees (bonsai). After a brief conversation, Mr. Miagi suggests that Daniel try his hand at the ancient, Japanese art. He is apprehensive and says, “I don’t want to ruin it.” Mr. Miagi reassures him that he won’t, telling him to close his eyes and visualize the tree he wants. Daniel still hesitates and asks, “What if I see the wrong one?”
Now, here’s the best part…
Mr. Miagi answers with all of his smooth wisdom, “If it comes from inside you, it always right one.” Pretty cool, huh? Hint: He wasn’t just talking about little tree pruning.
So, if this is true, the trick is trusting what’s inside of us and acting accordingly. I can testify to the fact that this is easier said than done. And, depending on how much encouragement you need to step out of your comfort zone, it can be anywhere from mildly challenging to excruciating.
Where are you with self-trust?
Do you often discount your ideas and dreams because you feel they are not good enough? Or in the case of Marianne’s quote, do you fear what being the best you might bring?
Retrospection
This would be a good time to think back (retrospect) about your past accomplishments and failures. What attitude did you have during each one? You do have your journal out, don’t you?
OK, I’ll wait while you go get it…
Now, write down what you remember. Study it. Don’t forget it. Next time you question yourself, recall it. That’s all I have to say about that. Be well-be beautiful.
Photo by Ellectrify
Welcome to Introspective Sunday
Your 10-year-old son walks into your room, head down, a look of sadness contorts his dimpled cheeks. On the computer, you look up briefly, continue tapping the keys, and ask, “What do you need, honey?”
He hesitates to respond.
You know you should stop what you’re doing, but you figure he just wants some cookies or something and is afraid to ask. “What is it?” You ask again.
“Can you take me to school…I don’t want to ride the bus anymore.”
“What? Why?” Your web search continues, mind preoccupied with Spring handbags.
“Nothing,” he mumbles and backs out of the room.
Now, what do you think he needed? Do you think it was more than I ride to school?
Chances are, most of us have had such an experience with our children, spouse, best friend. Those opportunities to truly listen, no, I mean really listen, come all the time. The question is: Do we take advantage of them? I suspect the answer to that is sometimes. Don’t feel badly; it’s a common practice for humans to multitask at the wrong times.
How To Listen…The Right Way
I hear you, Kellie, you say. No, hearing is not the only thing that you have to do to call it listening. There is so much more interaction in good communication. For example, try not thinking about what you’re going to say while the other person is talking. Uh huh…not so easy now, is it? And, what about making some eye contact while you’re at it. It’s getting harder…
Giving your full attention, body, soul, and spirit to another takes practice. Frankly, they should be teaching this in elementary school instead of making it an adult class at the community college that no one ever takes. Listening is the key to learning, growing, experiencing true connection with others. Without it we can’t be everything that we’re supposed to be. What does listening to other people have to do with being me? Good question. Well, it has everything to do with it.
Not truly listening to another’s contribution is like going to the Louvre blindfolded. That’s right…why would you do that when there is so many beautiful, amazing things to see? You wouldn’t. So why would you want to miss all the beautiful, amazing things that someone might say to you. A snippet of wisdom, a hilarious joke, an angry comment that tells you they’re hurting and they need you.
Practice Makes Perfect
Here are a few tips to help you improve your listening skills.
1. Always give the other person or speaker your full attention. Turn off the TV, iPod, computer, and let them know you are theirs until they are done.
2. Make eye contact. You can “hear what they’re not saying” by seeing into their heart.
3. Watch their body language. Are they agitated or calm? Are they angry or sad?
4. If you know the person well, reassure them by touching their hand or shoulder. Hint: Some people respond well to touch and put more trust in the person who connects in this way. Be careful that you don’t cross a boundary here though.
5. Clarify what you believe you’ve heard by repeating it. Example: “I hear you saying that you are uncomfortable with riding the bus because of how you are being treated by the other kids.” This let’s them know that they are communicating effectively and that you understand.
6. Don’t interrupt them while they are talking. I know this is hard for some people, including me. I’m a talker who wants to be heard. If you have to bite your tongue, do it. I have. Wait for the appropriate time to respond.
7. Don’t work out your dissertation while they are speaking. Yeah, they might want to hear it after they’re done, but maybe not. Some people, especially women, don’t always want you to fix their problem with your advice, they just want someone to listen and validate there feelings. Give your opinion and advice if asked.
Practice these listening skills every time you get the chance. You might want to start with a recording or the television. See how much more of the information you retain when you focus completely. When you activate all of these listening tips with a live person, you will be thrilled at the results. Your relationships will improve, and you will be more satisfied as a communicator.
What is your favorite part about communicating with others? Are you a good listener? Who do you know who always makes you feel listened to? Share it all, WLL fans! Be well-be beautiful.
Photo by Quistography
Welcome to Introspective Sunday
I had a thought this week: I realized there are so many things that I’d like to learn about myself; shouldn’t we all have a special question – one that causes us to seek a truthful answer. There is nothing more powerful than revelation that unfolds and promotes you to a higher version of yourself. Do you have such a question? I do. My current one pertains to scheduling and time management (in case you wondered) and how to find the best balance for me. Believe me; I’ve had more complicated ones in the past and will again.
I guess this self-focus is really just another way of getting to know the real you. It’s also a good way to get to the bottom of destructive behavior that might be popping up. Don’t be afraid of what’s inside of you. If you avoid it, you will pay a high price in the long run. On the other side of that coin you will find what your good traits and strengths are.
Choosing Appropriate Questions
First, take a look at the primary focus of your life. Is it family, work, or friends; is it God or a place of worship? Whatever you spend the majority of your time doing is likely a good place to find a question that will bring some insight. For example: if you are a mom, and that is your primary responsibility, you could ask yourself what part of you makes you a good mother or is there something you can do to increase your bond with your kids. It doesn’t matter what the question is about as long as it is relative to your life and growth. Keep it positive and uplifting.
How Do I Get It Answered?
You’ll have to work for this one. It’s a process of elimination on your part; in other words, you’ll have to dig into the past and rule out what doesn’t work for you…that stuff you’ve tried and miserably failed at. Ya don’t wanna repeat those things. Got that? Good.
It’s also important to seek the insight of trusted friends and family or that of a personal coach or therapist. You may not like what they tell you, but you won’t know if you don’t speak up. The spiritual realm is a good place to turn for insights about you. God is happy to tell you all about how you’re made. If you’re not connected spiritually; this might be a good opportunity to just calm yourself and start asking questions. I guarantee you will discover something/someone wonderful that has been there all along.
Do some journaling and creative diagramming to get your ideas on paper. That way you can see exactly where you are on each journey to find an answer. And, don’t get discouraged if the answer doesn’t come right away. Sometimes we just have to wait…and wait…and wait some more. Be patient with yourself and keep trying. You are worth every minute of time spent for positive change and self-awareness. It’s a LOVE thing! By the way, Happy Valentine’s Day! I love you all. Be well-be beautiful.
Photo by Pjharps
Introspective Sunday
Though today’s topic is a question that you might be inclined to ask anyone but yourself; however, it’s imperative that you take an inner inventory of your strengths and weaknesses. Within your mind and spirit is a network of ideas and a powerhouse of emotional muscle to help you cope with any situation. Yes, inside of you. We are built to handle more than we could ever imagine. I know this because I was dealt some pretty hard blows in the past. Everyone around me wondered how I could go through so much and still be sane. Well, at the time, so did I. Since then I’ve realized that it was faith and inner strength that got me to the other side of disaster – both things that were present all along.
Equipped Like a Loaded Sedan
Our wonderfully made bodies and spirits are equipped with the best bells and whistles there are. We have the “guts” to get the glory. All we have to do is believe it and utilize the power in which we’ve been given. I know it would be nice if we came with an easy-to-read instruction manual; however, if you get what I’m saying, you don’t need one. Your inner voice and the wisdom of the Divine are quite capable of navigating through the worst of the worst. And even better, those resources are always there to guide you. You might have to do some poking around to find just the right way to access them, but just know that if you ask, you will receive.
Crisis Is the Best Classroom
Crisis curriculum is REALLY hard, yes, but well worth the struggle. Once you get past the kicking and screaming, the whining and crying, and the “why mes,” you start to understand that there is a lesson in all that chaos. It may not be one that you completely get on the spot though; the fact is, it could be months or even years before you receive your crisis degree. Don’t worry; it will come. I have several beautiful degrees hanging in the hall of my life-experience. I look at them every day. And, yes, unlike some regular university degrees, they ARE being used!
Here’s a few things that you must know about going through crisis:
1. Do what you can not what you or anyone else thinks you should. It’s a good time to pare down your schedule a bit and your standards. Perfectionism is not an option. So just leave those dishes and that pile of laundry. You have better things to do.
2. Don’t make any life-altering decisions until you have stable emotions. Crisis has a way of making you hypersensitive to everything. You anger more easily; you cry more easily; and you give up more easily. Just let it come without doing anything rash or dumb. If you do slip up and decide something without rational thought, back up and see if it’s fixable.
3. Don’t imagine the worst happening. Keep positive in your mind and emotions….even if it’s hard. Try to remember how you felt on the best day of your life and hang on to that image and feeling.
4. Visualize yourself happy. Women function better when they are at peace and have true joy.
5. Ask for help. I know it’s hard, but just do it!
6. Let others in your world; they want to help and support you. And, just so you know, they have no IDEA what you need unless you tell them.
7. Take some “Me” time and allow yourself to relax and unwind. A hot bath, a glass of wine, and some soft music is the ticket to rejuvenation when times are hard.
8. Do your own research about the situation you are dealing with. There’s always more information than what you’ve been told by those around you.
9. Keep a journal of your feelings and the events that transpire. When you look back on your notes, it’s amazing to see how you felt and what you did to get through.
10. Believe in yourself. You are strong, beautiful, and a woman who can accomplish anything she wants with determination!
Now, it’s your turn to share a tip about crisis-management. Give this some thought and let it fly, Ladies! Be well-be beautiful.
Photo by Birdykay
Ah, yes, the mind/body connection. The more we hear about how important it is, the more we should pay attention. What gives, Ladies and Gentlemen (we’ve got some male fans now)? Why are we still letting our silly emotional dysfunction eat away at our flesh? My sneaking suspicion is that we don’t really see it at work because it happens slowly. The botched project, the disobedient kids, the unpaid mortgage, the fight with your significant other – all things that can bring the emotions from hell. Guess what? Those flaming feelings are the ones that are bringing down the good guys (disease-fighting cells) in your body.
We Are Becoming Chemiholics
It’s no coincidence that thosewho are emotionally compromised tend to slack off on exercise, eating healthfully, and spending time with friends. You see the vicious cycle? When you stop doing the good things for your body on top of producing the “bad” chemical cocktail (AKA excessive cortisol, epinephrine, norepinephrine), you have created a prescription for disease.
When the release of these chemicals comes at a time when you need them, like when you have to run from an angry dog; when you need to rush to get ready for work because your alarm didn’t go off; when you are attacked by an intruder. Understand that sending the message of stress constantly pours unneeded amounts of chemicals into our systems. And with no “emergency” to use them up, they are damaging the very body that they mean to protect.
Here’s the good news:
Just as the bad emotions and thoughts create a crisis, good ones are equally at work making your body jump for joy with positive immune-boosting chemicals. So don’t you think you should start thinking about some of those good things? The fact is your mindset is your ticket to freedom from stress and depression.
There is a form of Psychotherapycalled Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). The concept says that what we think causes our feelings and behavior. Duhhh! The benefit of this type of therapy is that with changing our thoughts we can change our emotions and our actions even if the situation hasn’t changed. This sounds by far better than wallowing in pity and self-destruction when our experience gets shaky.
Awareness Helps
Some people have trouble connectingto their inner thoughts and feelings, maybe because they don’t practice it regularly. That’s OK. You can always start today. Try getting calm and comfie in your favorite chair. Kick out the dog and any other potential interruptions (you know what or who they are). Allow yourself to think through whatever comes to mind. You can also jot down the prominent thoughts, as this might give you a clue to trouble areas. Feel into your body. Do you tense up when you think about something negative? Do you relax and even smile when you allow happy ideas to come to mind? Notice how your body reacts to each thought (good and bad).
Now, try to purposely focus on the opposite of those thoughts that bring a stressful response. See how long you can remain in the state of joy that comes from changing your mind. The more you practice this type of meditation, the more benefit you’ll have. Let us know how you do this week. Be well-be beautiful.
Photo byDzeniDisaster
Resource: NACBT Online Headquarters
Welcome to Introspective Sunday
I really enjoy writing these self-evaluating posts on Sunday; they are as useful for my own growth as I hope they are for yours. Today’s topic is one that, yes, I have asked myself in the past…and do still occasionally. Fear can be paralyzing, especially if it doesn’t make sense. Let me explain.
During a rough stretch of years that involved emotional trauma and physical health issues, I developed what, in a clinical term, would be called social anxiety. Now, to what extent I had the condition, I don’t know because I never saw a doctor for it. Nevertheless, it was just as real to me. I was afraid to walk to my mailbox to get the mail in fear that one of my neighbors would see me and either judge me for what I was wearing or worse, they would want to talk to me. Understand something; Kellie Stone is a personable, social person. I have a sanguine temperament. In the world of personality evaluation, that means that my type is the most outgoing, people needing kind of person there is on the planet. Being with people energizes sanguines. So how could I have social anxiety?
Easily.
The fact that I had been through a devastating financial crisis, lost my home, business, and everything that was familiar to me, made the extreme feelings of judgement come calling. Though I doubt anyone was truthfully thinking any of the things I imagined, still people were my enemies. In addition, I was suffering from clinical depression – a common prerequisite to social anxiety.
How Common Is Social Anxiety Disorder?
“Social anxiety disorder is the most common anxiety disorder and the third most common mental disorder in the U.S., after depression and alcohol dependence. An estimated 19.2 million Americans have social anxiety disorder. The disorder most often surfaces in adolescence or early adulthood, but can occur at any time, including early childhood. It is more common in women than in men.”
WebMD.com
In many cases, sufferers of social fears have had a history of constant criticism from those around them – a parent, sibling, boss or several people may have contributed to the extreme negative emotions. However, as in my situation, this wasn’t the case. I had a good self-esteem (for the most part) and I had never experienced abusive criticism. According to Web MD, another common cause is the imbalance of the neurotransmitter serotonin – the same one that can contribute to depression and other mental conditions.
When should you get help?
Every person is different, making it difficult to say “when” is the right time to seek professional help. I will say this; if you have constant feelings of fear that don’t allow you to lead a normal life, you should see your health care provider. During my bout of social fear, I was already being treated for depression and migraine. Because I saw a steady improvement of my anxiety issues, I didn’t feel I needed further treatment. My analyzing, find-the-culprit personality helped, as well. I never let up on telling myself that there was an answer to my problem. In time, the fear subsided because my attitude changed and the understanding of my mental mishap was in full bloom.
The reality is that “people” are not the problem (most of the time); it’s our own brain that goes haywire sometimes telling us that something is wrong. Just pay attention to what yours may be saying. If negative feelings interrupt your life for any length of time, think about getting the opinion of a pro. There is an answer. Be well-be beautiful.
***The content of this post is not intended to replace professional advice from your health care provider. Women’s Life Link, it’s authors, associates, commentators, or linked sites do not claim that any information will diagnose, treat, improve, or cure any disease or condition.
Photo by ChrystasRose
Resource: WebMD.com
There aren’t too many women out there who could say that they didn’t need something, whether it be clothes, kitchen utensils, a man, a job, a car; it’s human nature to expand our list of possessions. Since early man, collecting “things” has been a form of status and authority. Not that all women deem material property as the most important thing in their lives, but I bet most still have a home full of a whole lot of stuff. Factually, we do need certain items to survive and thrive. This is perfectly okay. It’s when we become overly needy, greedy, and strive to possess more and more that we lose a sense of the valuable.
Learning To Go Forward Without Neediness
Even if you are in a situation that demands money or goods in order to be resolved, having a needy mentality is not your best method of making things better. By that I mean a desperate, negative mindset that only begets more of the same. Instead, try offering yourself or your gifts to others in service of their needs. You’d be surprised how fast your attitude changes. There will always be someone out there worse off than you are. I know; your mom probably said that to you as a child. Mine did to me. Well, it’s the truth.
It’s possible that what you think you want, need, and deserve isn’t going to bring the greater good for the world or even just for yours. Because we don’t see the big picture, at times, we can get caught up in the box…yes, that one that you live in. Mine is bigger than it used to be, but it’s still much too small for my taste.
See Yourself As A Greater Giver
Visualizing yourself expanding beyond that “box” is a wonderful way to change the way you think about your life. How ever you have to do this is okay. It’s your vision – your mind. I like to see myself flying low over the earth’s surface with a trail of energy (it’s a part of my body) that distributes a golden mist on the ground. As it hits the people below, they light up like tiny light bulbs. Soon, I look down and see thousands, even millions, of glowing faces. It sounds more like a fantasy dream but yields a nice return for self-growth.
Strangely, when you let go of your needs and focus on those of others, you find unsurpassed peace and joy. And, amazingly, your needs get met in the process. No, you shouldn’t do for others just to cover your hide; instead, be pure of heart and sacrificial in your intentions. It’s really the only way this spiritual law works. Give it a try and see what happens. I dare you. My bet is that, at least, you will enjoy the warm, fuzzy feeling that fills your heart. Please share your experiences with giving, needing, or anything in between. Be well-be beautiful.
Photo by ReEjKa
Allow me to finish that question: Am I all that I’m supposed to be?
Probably not…I don’t think any of us are.
What we are now is the result of what we’ve thought and said about ourselves in the past. I don’t know about you, but I’ve tended to think inside a rather small box that didn’t do much for self-growth. Then…
I got a clue.
I got a dream.
I got a vision.
My life changes daily because I’ve made a choice to think and act differently. Whether I will ever become everything that I’m meant to be, I can’t say, but I’m sure going to try. It’s all any of us can do – our best.
Bringing Out Your Best
The first clue that you are not showing the world your Crème De La Crème is that you feel a constant frustration concerning your life. In part this emotion is good because it tells you something important; you are not perfect nor will you ever be. But…if you are not careful, you can allow that prompting to grow roots and steal every bit of joy you have. There is a happy medium. Finding it is imperative.
Here’s how…
Absolutely the worst thing that you can do to yourself is lie. Stop doing it, really. Stop telling yourself that you can’t do this; you can’t do that; you are not worthy of this; you are not worthy of that. It’s time that you realized who you are and did something about it! Your family, bosses, friends, enemies, the economy, the government, teachers, past mistakes are not your problem; YOU are the biggest problem that YOU have! Just like I am the biggest problem that I have!
Using a little mental organization goes a long way here. Separate the good from the bad and the extreme from the ordinary. Write it down. Recognize the patterns emerging on that page. These are the boundaries that you have set for yourself. If they need to change, change them. Be in control of your growth. No one else on this planet has the power that you have to alter your life.
I feel like I should be waving pom-poms and chanting a cute, little cheer. If that’s what it takes to get my point across, I’d be happy to.
Furthermore, respect who you are now. Acknowledge that you are a viable, important woman right now. You don’t have to be someone else to deserve self-love and respect. This acceptance is key to moving past your current state. It’s a trip down a lane called gratefulness. Being thankful for who you are and what you have is pure surrender to God and the universe. It says that you are not judging yourself or blaming anyone for your problems; you are simply being. Try it. It’s wonderful.
I’d like to share a few more points about this topic, but I know that your time is short and my toddler needs a diaper. So, until next Sunday, think about where you are in your life asking: Am I all that I’m supposed to be? Feel free to share your thoughts and comments below. Be well-be beautiful.
Photo by Derekthehille
Women know better than anyone what it feels like to carry around a big, heavy purse for any length of time. And if you’re like me, such a bag is usually necessary to bring along all the Missy Moo (toddler girl) things and my headache remedies. Though physically we can handle extra weight (for awhile), we are not meant to carry around emotional baggage. What am I talking about? You know….really, you do. That job crisis you had last year; the fight you had with your husband; the breast cancer scare from three years ago; the rejection from sixth grade…
All of the above are just examples of situations that can leave a bad taste in your mouth and a load of emotional dysfunction. Why do women tend to hang on so long to things that have hurt them? Good question. My take on this is fairly simple. Sometimes letting go is more painful than holding on. Another theory is this: I believe that because we have an instinct to nurture and care for others, we will absorb blame and consequences in order to spare others pain.
Can I Let Go?
Let’s first talk about the letting go scenario. Think about that analogy of the big, heavy purse that you have been carrying around the mall for hours. Your shoulder might be numb from the pressure. In other words, you can’t feel the pain as long as you hold on to it. But as soon as you drop it, OUCH! You get the picture.
“Simplicity is making the journey of this life with just baggage enough.”
Charles Dudley Warner
Letting go of past pain and negative emotional baggage is something that you have to want to do. Why? Because it takes courage and sometimes more work than a fleeting thought. Taking one thing at a time is usually the best approach. Think of how disastrous it would be if a waitress came up to your table carrying a tray holding six plates, and instead of serving one plate at a time, she dumped them all at once. Not good…
A Balancing Act
Take it easy after each thing you deal with. Give yourself time to re-balance. Going back to the waitress visual aid. When you serve drinks from a tray (one at a time), you have to shift the balance after each one. If you don’t you will lose the whole tray, likely on some one’s head. So, keep your trays (and emotions) balanced, ladies.
As far as the other possible reason we hold on to things, you have to choose your battles wisely. If you cover up something for another in order to spare them pain, that’s your perogative. Just be careful you don’t sacrifice your joy and true self in the process. The best way to help others is to be the woman that God intended you to be. Finding her under all that baggage might be difficult. Just saying… Are you holding on to emotional baggage?
Can you think of something that you held onto to for a long time? How did you let it go? Have some great tips on emotional healing. Please share your thoughts with us. Be well-be beautiful.
Photo by Unverdorben
Job Openings – Apply Within
Contribution? It’s an interesting word with multiple definitions depending on your mindset. Some of you may be thinking charitable giving; some are doting over how much you put into your retirement funds this year; and still there are those who simply understand it as being plain old giving of yourself. It is that last one that I want to focus on today.
This big world has six billion inhabitants who each have something to contribute. That in itself is amazing and thought-provoking. What are you giving? How do you present YOU to the world? What gifts and talents are pouring out of you regularly? Do you spend too much time wishing that you could do something or be someone different only to miss living the life you have?
You need to consider your “contribution” a pretty close relative to your purpose…they should be doing holidays together. Here’s the thing though: If one shows up to Aunt Betty’s for the big swaree (life) without the other, the party is just not going to be as fun. In other words, just because you have a purpose doesn’t mean that you are acting on it. Contributing is the movement; it’s the act of employing yourself with purpose. The ultimate party.
I do try to think the best of people in general, so I’d like to believe that most of us want to do more – give more. If only just thinking about it got the job done though. Good, positive thoughts help, but action changes things; it gets the job done. What job? The one that you are supposed to be attending to. You have to figure that one out for yourself.
Here’s a few hints.
• It should not exhaust you; though, it may require hard work.
• It might not look like you think it should.
• Others may never appreciate what it is.
• You may never know how much it impacts the world.
• Stop looking so hard for it; you are probably already doing it.
• No matter what it is, it’s important.
So, what is your contribution? Be well-be beautiful.
Photo by Lonely Pierot