Madeline
I’m Madeline, a forty-something woman who takes life by the horns…but I don’t take the bullshit that often comes with it. I tell it like it is…to your face. My philosophy is simple: be yourself, laugh often, make others laugh, and Be Happy Already!
I hope you all are having a delightful, loving Mother’s Day. It wouldn’t take much to top mine so far…
While some of you were nibbling on breakfast in bed, a putrid smell floated into my bedroom. And, I assure you, it wasn’t breakfast! In addition to the gagging scent of god knows what, the clanking of wrenches and gargling welcomed me back from a half-alive, Ambien-hang-over state. I trudged through the hallway to find my husband kneeling in front of a hole in the bathroom floor where the toilet was supposed be. “Huh?” I spouted with confusion, blinking dry, sleepy eyes.
“It’s full…the septic tank is full…or clogged,” he replies in a your-mother’s-day-is-shot sort of tone.
“I have to pee!” I demanded.
“Use the other bathroom…oh, and don’t flush it.”
Wonderful! I thought and walked to the other bathroom…at least it had a toilet still attached to the drain. However, the bathtub was full of what I call poop-water. Lovely, right?
I really don’t want to have a bad attitude about this, so I’m going to attempt to look on the bright side of things…and you know how much of a challenge that is for me. I’m not exactly the silver-lining type of gal; I’m more the kick-life-in-the-teeth when it acts up sort of rebel. Really, just read some of my other posts! But, I’m trying to make a change here. I’m ready to look through some rose-colored glasses, be my own best friend.
So, here it goes…
Five Things To Be Glad About Your Septic Tank Backing Up On Mother’s Day
1. If you never have anything bad happen, how do you know if you have a humanly acceptable attitude?
2. I don’t have to do a load of laundry, the dishes, or the usual hunting expedition to find my shampoo and body wash.
3. It’s nice outside, so I can at least escape the sewer smell that would gag a rat.
4. Because the bathroom door is closed, my dog won’t get the toilet paper and shred it into confetti all over my living room floor.
5. In order to avoid the $500 up-charge to have a septic service come out on a Sunday, we get to stay at a lovely hotel for the night.
There you have it! That’s the best I can do, considering my Mother’s Day plight…Oh yeah, I almost forgot the most important thing of all: I have great, healthy kids who love me just the way I am…that’s saying a lot!
Happy Mom’s Day!
Hi precious ladies! I was thinking about past Mother’s Days, and really am floored by how much repetition there is with the gifts, the going out to dinner, and cards. Though I’m happy to unwrap anything with my name on it, I’ve often wondered why consumers get stuck in the “what’s expected” rut when it comes to holiday shopping. I mean, why do moms always get flowers on MD…why not a gift-certificate for rock-climbing or for a tattoo? And, what’s up with the traditional MD card that is way over-the-top in it’s description of a mom who doesn’t exist…on this planet anyway! If I could live up to just one of those “You are the best mom in the world” statements, I would have a much better self-esteem, and maybe even write a book or something.
So, let’s see how we can fix this redundant MD gift thingy we’ve gotten ourselves into…
What I Really Want For Mother’s Day
By Madeline Wesley
I sit here tired, grumpy, laundry at my feet,
Waiting for a Mother’s Day surprise, where’s the peak?
It’s not that I don’t like candy and flowers,
I’d just prefer something with a shelf life,
You know, so I could enjoy it more than a couple of hours.
As tradition goes, the ordinary has worked in the past,
But, I’m not ordinary, a clone, or a guest,
I’m the MOM, the glue, the giver of your life,
How ’bout we skip the formalities and go fly a kite,
I can picture it now, the extraordinary day,
That you’ve planned for this wonderful time in May,
Together with you, to the mall or the beach,
With smile on my face, I believe I understand a mother’s decree,
For I’m not just a regular mom who settles for the norm,
After all, you kids are above in my heart,
I’ve known that since the day you were born.
So, what I really want for Mother’s Day isn’t a thing at all,
It’s just time with you, a laugh or two,
A special memory I can always recall.
I’m Madeline, a forty-something woman who takes life by the horns…but I don’t take the bullshit that often comes with it. I tell it like it is…to your face. My philosophy is simple: be yourself, laugh often, make others laugh, and Be Happy Already!
Feeling Old? Get Over It!
By Madeline Wesley
What is it this time…a wrinkle, knee creak, advanced loss of close-up vision (AKA the trombone syndrome)? Look, if you can change one part of aging, then go right ahead and be my guest. But here’s the real deal: it’s going to happen no matter what face cream you use or work out you do. Acceptance is far better for you than whining to your Facebook friends about how you can’t wear a bikini anymore. I don’t mean that you should just give up on healthful activities like taking care of your skin and body; on the contrary, you might want to do more of those things now that you’ve suddenly realized you’re not twenty-one anymore. And, yes, you can still shop at Forever 21, but I don’t think they meant for cust
omers to end up with AIDS… the “aged in denial syndrome”. No part of that too-small, too-revealing mini dress will take one single digit off of the number of wonderful years you’ve been on this planet. Even if you look good for your age you still have certain areas that give away your little charade. Let’s see, there’s the veiny hands, the slight sag to the under part of your chin and the tips of your knees. Do I really need to go on? The more you try to look younger, the more everyone knows that you’re a fraud. Just saying…
So, ladies, be a beautiful, sexy woman but be classy. Stop trying so hard and just be who you are! Aging isn’t taboo. It’s your time to shine with wisdom and the grace that time has bestowed!
You must see this video! It has to be one of the best ads ever!
Have A Happy Period
By Madeline Wesley
Yes, my darlings, I’m back! And with my very own rockin’ badge! Thanks, Kellie, for welcoming me home even though I deserted you on numerous occasions. I feel so special…
Anyway, a couple of things for you loyal WLL readers. First, I’d like to thank you all fo
r your support when I was thinking about starting my own blog. As it turns out, I’m not quite ready for the responsibility…the headaches…the eyestrain…and carpal tunnel syndrome. I’ll just stay right here where I’m loved and can let someone else do all the work. What can I say…it’s that time of the month.
Speaking of the “curse”, a friend recently sent me this interesting study worth sharing with friends both male and female:
A study conducted by UCLA’s Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.
For example: if she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. However, if she is menstruating or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with duct tape over his mouth and a spear lodged in his chest with a bat up his ass while he is on fire.
No further studies are expected on this subject.
They had me at the duct tape…
You know I love you, Honey…
Check out this Hilarious video clip from one of my favorite shows, Scrubs.
Don’t forget to leave me some welcome back love…just saying. XOXOXO
More Out of Monday with Madeline♥
I’m Madeline – a healthfully humorous, radically ridiculous, momentarily messy broad here to give you a flicker of joy at the start of your week.
If you live in a part of the country (or world) that typically gets a lot of rain then you will understand what I’m about to say. I live in Indiana; and though we get our fair share of precipitation throughout the year, I don’t remember it being monsoon-ish for so many days in a row! I’m starting to think that I’ve been translated to a tropical rain forest or worse, Seattle. My mood alone is one to be reconed with, not to mention the knee aching that comes almost every time it rains. So, I asked myself this question: Can you find anything positive about Indiana’s eighth wettest June since climate record keeping began in 1895? See, I knew It wasn’t just me…
1. The grass is greener on YOUR side of the fence.
2. You don’t have to worry about washing your car because everyone else’s looks like hell too.
3. Rain sex is REALLY good!
4. If you’re late for work, you can blame it on the high water.
5. Did I mention that sex IN the rain is fun too?
6. When the sun finally does come out, it’s like Christmas and your twenty-first birthday all rolled into one.
7. Allergies subside…unless, of course, you have mold issues.
8. You can truly be happy that you bought those funky rain boots on sale.
9. You have a valid excuse for not finishing the exterior painting project you started last year.
10. “For after all, the best thing one can do when it’s raining is to let it rain.” (Stole that one from Henry Wadsworth Longfellow)
Love,
Madeline
If you loved this one, try these:
More Out of Monday What’s Left of Monday with Madeline♥
I’m Madeline – a healthfully humorous, radically ridiculous, momentarily messy broad here to give you a flicker of joy at the start of your week.
I can remember all of the wonderful mistakes I made as a young mom…for instance:
My son and I think that natural bodily functions are one of life’s hilarious misgivings. When he was about three and discovered that farting was funny, we would laugh and laugh when one escaped his cute little bum. After some time they wouldn’t escape gracefully; he would force them into the universe, adding to the mass of gases already in the atmosphere. He would sit on the floor, put his forehead to the ground and just giggle that wonderful giggle that little boys have. Ya know, the one that starts from their toes and then explodes from their belly?
Sometimes he would fart and peek under the coffee table; the search for the barking spider or frog that escaped from under his foot, as my grandfather had taught him. A real family affair - a bunch of people sitting around farting, burping, laughing, and arguing about who’s was louder or longer. Got a visual yet? And you wonder why I’m so twisted…
We’d entertain ourselves for hours, until this fine day…
We were in the doctor’s office playing with the cardboard puzzles and he suddenly sprang off the chair, ran around in circles, waving his tiny little hand behind his butt as he was giggling and saying, “I farted mommy! I farted!”
I didn’t react at first, mostly because I was embarrassed. But then he looked at me and said, “Come on mommy, it’s funny, you laugh.” And I just couldn’t help myself. I burst into hysterics…while I was trying to tell him it wasn’t polite to do this sort of thing in public.
The other mother’s didn’t think it was funny at all; the disapproving poison-laced blow dart looks pierced. Of course, those pious lint lickers were out on the limb called hypocrite-of-the-century. With what-goes-around-comes-around gleefully rolling in my head, I forced myself to hold back from stopping him; I sat back down and, without a care, picked up a magazine. He ripped around the room, laughing and waving his hand like a whizzing balloon losing its air. I saw how much fun he was having…it really was harmless. Once I saw how humorless the other women in the waiting room were, it made it even funnier. I told you I was twisted…thanks Grandpa.
Just to let you know, my son and I did have a little chat about when and where farting is appropriate. I’m ready to hear some of your body function stories….spill it, ladies.
Love,
Madeline♥
More Out of Monday with Madeline♥
I’m Madeline – a healthfully humorous, radically ridiculous, momentarily messy broad here to give you a flicker of joy at the start of your week.
OK, my darlings, I might have to re-neg on last week’s post about trying to make peace with Mondays. I’m in a rather stinker of a mood today and have no time to run from it or hide under my fluffy blanket. So, here I am with my jaw clenched, making no sense, facing the music…Monday and the computer.
If only ice cream and chocolate would make it all better like it does for the little ones and women much, much younger than I. Instead, I would just get indigestion and a fat ass (excuse my tone and choice of words); I’m trying. Just so you know, I’m in the middle of a cleanse, detox, the raw reality of turning your entire body inside out…or so it seems. As to the other source of my untimely funk, I can only blame it on the wonderful world of womanhood. What can I say? I’m not a real fan of cramps, zits, and weight gain.
Who is?
Love,
Madeline♥
More Out of Monday with Madeline♥
I’m Madeline – a healthfully humorous, radically ridiculous, momentarily messy broad here to give you a flicker of joy at the start of your week.
My darlings, how are you today? I’ve been so happy when Monday rolls around lately…kind of weird considering I’m always saying how crappy that unmentionable day of the week is. Hey, it’s time for a change. Let’s make a deal; you make Mondays one of your best and so will I. I love to share and make you laugh (hopefully, I’m doing that????) I came across an interesting article this past week that just floored me. The headline read:
Beautiful Women Bad for Men’s Health?
Please tell me that they’re not serious…
“If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife,” goes the song. But a new study by the University of Valencia reveals that just being around a beautiful female can cause men to release cortisol, a nasty stress hormone.”
Tell me they have better things to spend government money and private funding on? Last I heard, that stimulating hormone is the adrenaline that gets a man excited and ready to “win” his mate. Yeah, that one scientists say is left over from the early days of man. Good grief, people, can’t we women do anything right? Damned if we don’t take care of ourselves (the ugly, fat syndrome) and damned if we just so happened to be beautiful. I think we should fight back; how about this:
Conceited, Clueless Men Bad for Women’s Health?
I don’t know about you but I’m not going to stop being attractive just because men get a dose of cortisol that they can – by the way – send packing with a mere toss of the football, a few crunches or push ups or, my favorite, a roll in the sack with his beauty. Now, the scenario taken to a bar, the lonely, single man who just happens to notice the 5′ 9″, blond, bombshell in the corner… get a grip man; you’re not going to die if you don’t have her.
I did like this part of the article though:
“Men need to self-soothe the anxious response,” says Britton.“They need to stop the negative messages, the negative self-talk.” Britton also says that when men stop seeing women solely as sex objects, they’ll have an easier time keeping anxiety in check.
Yeah…so there.
Still, I think it’s silly and unnecessary to waste time and money on foolish experiments that don’t matter. Guys have been doing just fine for thousands of years with their cortisol charges. I think their poor eating habits and lack of exercise might have something to do with increased risk of heart problems, high blood pressure, and diabetes. What do you think?
I would be fun to go into a club and purposely try to spike some hormone levels though…he he.
Love,
Madeline♥
More Out of Monday with Madeline♥
I’m Madeline – a healthfully humorous, radically ridiculous, momentarily messy broad here to give you a flicker of joy on the (in most cases) most indignant day of the week.
Monday is like…
…finally getting a pair of Ray Ban’s and losing them just like all the previous 51 pairs of $9.00 sunglasses you’ve owned. It hurts more, mocks more, and costs more.
Bonjour! And for anyone who might not know that is French for hello, all I can say is, good, Lord, are you living in a box? Speaking of being in small spaces, I have a fun story for you today; it’s a real gas. It Starts with a tornado warning and a home without a basement.
It was a late summer evening, my husband, children, and I were home playing a board game. Suddenly, we hear the emergency siren go off. The wind was picking up and the sky darkening – a storm warning we presumed. We turned on the TV just in time to see that it was not only a storm but a tornado that was threatening our county.
At the time, we lived in a home with no basement. Our only shelter from such a storm was a utility closet in the center of the house. If your UC is anything like mine, it holds the trash can, broom, mop, cleaners, junk galore, and probably hasn’t been swept or mopped for sometime. Yeah. Pretty gross.
Anyway, after throwing all of the previously listed items out, we proceeded to scrunch 2 adults, 3 kids, a cat, and a bird into the 5X4 space. Are you getting the visual? Now, I’m all for storm safety, but what happened next was enough to make me rethink my position…literally. I’m just going to say it: My husband farted…
Ladies, you know how the male digestive system can gag a maggot (sorry guys) in a normal sized room. Try being in a closed space and, unlike a car, it had no ventilation – a fate worse than being hurled to the next county by a swirling vortex of death. Needless to say, we poured out of the closet…quickly. Thankfully, the tornado struck about 5 miles to the north.
I have tons more fart stories, but I’d really love to hear yours. Do tell. Usted puede compartir hasta en francés. Figure it out for yourself, you women of the world…
Love,
Madeline♥
More Out of Monday with Madeline♥
I’m Madeline – a healthfully humorous, radically ridiculous, momentarily messy broad here to give you a flicker of joy on the (in most cases) most indignant day of the week.
Monday is like…
…a freight train, you wonder what it holds and it almost always moves too slowly.
Hello my dealings~
I’ve really missed talking to you this week, that is why I HAVE to get my blog up and running soon. You see, Madeline (me) has some spectacular ideas to share with you. But for today, I will be a milder mad woman and speak softly.
Have you ever wondered what “things” you should think about but don’t? Those little odd statements that people spit out, and suddenly you go….humm. Well, here’s a few that I thought you would enjoy…
Here’s To Your Health…or Not
• Try thinking about this one next time you are in the doctor’s office with your feet in the stirrups…half of all physicians graduated in the bottom of their class. Be really careful if your in Bahrain, a male gynecologist can only examine a woman’s private parts through a mirror.
Would you eat out if you knew the things that go on in the kitchen of a restaurant? Here’s just a few…
• Steaks are accidentally dropped on the floor and then thrown back onto the grill. Trust me; I’ve seen this one myself.
• Some restaurants recycle their ketchup by dumping the contents into a large tub daily and refill the bottles to look like new ones. Anticipation…
• Food trays are used…reused…and reused all day long. They usually don’t make it to the dishwasher until closing. Though your food may not touch them, the bottoms of the plates and glasses do, which ultimately have contact with your table and hands. Yuck…that’s all I have to say.
• When those cooks or servers cough they release an explosive charge of air that can travel up to 60 miles per hour…all over your nice, expensive dinner. Oh, yeah, and the average sneeze can travel up to 20 feet.
• Most of the dust you see in the air is made up of human skin cells. That’s some serious exfoliation.
Hat’s off to Sex…
• Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. It is 10 times more effective than Valium!
• Males, on average, think about sex every 7 seconds (that is not very comforting if you consider the first thing I said about the doctor).
• Sex burns 360 calories per hour. I wonder which one is cheaper, Viagra or my spin class?
• Women who read romance novels have sex twice as often as those who don’t. Maybe I should stop reading Stephen King so much…
I kind of had fun with this post. Let me know if you enjoyed it; I can always do more. And, of course, if you have anything to add, you know what to do.
Love,
Madeline♥
Photo by Draekko See more of this artist’s work at: Images by Draekko
More Out of Monday with Madeline♥
I’m Madeline – a healthfully humorous, radically ridiculous, momentarily messy broad here to give you a flicker of joy on the (in most cases) most indignant day of the week.
Monday is like…
…Making a grand entrance, perfect outfit, bright smile, the best you’ve ever looked and, a half hour later, your friend tells you there’s spinach in your teeth.
Howdy from my world! As I was reading Kellie’s post about perfectionism yesterday, a thought came to mind. You know that saying “it’s not about being perfect but making the most out of what you have”? Well, I definitely know I’m not perfect, nor do I try to be…God knows the truth of that.
Moving on…here’s how I “make the most out of what I have”.
I look in the mirror sometimes and see this quirky woman, that I love, BTW. However, I often want to be these other people, exotic, famous, not so famous, poor, rich, smart, in control…anyone who isn’t me. No, I don’t have Multiple Personality Disorder…at least I don’t think I do. Just a vivid imagination that sees characters…many characters. Creating costumes for my kids (and myself) has always been one of my favorite pastimes.
Why do you think that it’s so easy to be free and bold when we’re pretending to be someone else?
I, for one, find it a trip to stand in the mirror and make faces, talk in funny voices, put on hats, intentionally make myself ugly…true freedom. The best part is no one else knows my secret, my “multiple personality order”. Well, except for all of you now…
Is this healthy? It makes me laugh…that can’t bad, right?
So, I got to thinking about the blog that I want to start. Don’t worry; I’ll still be here on Mondays. I believe there might be a whole lot of you ladies out there who would love to pretend to be in someone else’s shoes, too. What if you could? Even if it was just for a minute. You think about that one. I’ll keep working on my blog idea and, in the meantime, keep you company here on Mondays.
Love,
Madeline♥
Photo by Gothicjade
More Out of Monday with Madeline♥
Greetings Earthlings and anyone else who might be tuning in, this past week has been a doozy…or an oozy. The cold from hell decided to take up residence in my body and is still fighting for the penthouse suite – automatic weapons, armored cars, mob connections…
Have you ever noticed how uninterested the family is in your sick time? If I ignored them when they were ailing, they would call child protective services on me for neglecting them. But if mom is sick…who cares; she’ll be OK; after all, she’s SO strong and knows everything. Well, yes, I am and I do, but I still need a little TLC occasionally. However, I do get plenty of cold-remedy suggestions from various friends. Here’s just a few:
For Snot
The Neti Pot – Yes, this little tea pot of the natural-remedy world comes packing a punch…to your sinuses. You wouldn’t think that pouring mildly salty water up your nose could be so friggin painful…oh, but yes, the burning is profound when you’ve been blowing your sore nose fifty times a day for a week. It was a little traumatic. Stainless Steel Neti Pot for Sinus Congestion (Ayurvedic JalNeti)
The good part about it was that it really did help me.
For Cough
Someone once told me that the best cough drop on the market is the FISHERMAN’S FRIEND MENTHOL COUGH SUPPRESSANT
However, again, they really did work. That night I actually slept…I had nasty, bottom-of-the-boat breath, but I slept.
For Body Aches
A friend gave me a rub that supposedly helps with sore muscles and body aches associated with colds and flus. Unfortunately, I forgot to read the ingredients list before I applied it liberally to my entire body. About five minutes later, I knew of my mistake when I broke out into hives. I am extremely allergic to lavender…one of the main ingredients in the otherwise pleasant creme. So, I was then forced to take a shower that I didn’t have the energy for.
But, guess what? I felt better after the shower…go figure.
I guess the moral to the story is this: Just because it stinks, tastes like dead fish, burns like hell, or breaks you out in disgusting boils doesn’t mean it isn’t helping you. Keep an open mind. And I found this video hilarous…laughter always makes you feel better.
Love,
Madeline♥
***The content of this article is strictly informational and is not meant to replace the advice of your health care provider. Women’s Life Link, its authors, associates, linked sites, and commentators do not claim that any of the content will diagnose or lead to a cure or improvement of any disease or condition.
***Yes, we will get a little pocket change if you buy something that we suggest to you. Amazon is a great place to shop…easy and convenient. Give them a try…they don’t bite, unless you happen to purchase some wild, exotic pet with really sharp teeth and a bad temper…
Photo by the wonderful, brilliant Gothicjade
Related articles you might enjoy:
More Out of Monday with Madeline♥
Sorry to say, but Madeline is off today with a terrible cold. She and I decided you could stand to read one or two of her past posts - a solution far better than allowing her the blogging-reins while on NyQuil. We love you, Madeline…
So enjoy the Best of Madeline. Be well-be beautiful
♥Kellie
This one’s REALLY good> A Short Anti-aging Seminar
But so is this one> Way Too Busy
Photo by Gothicjade
More Out of Monday…What’s Left of Monday with Madeline♥
I’m Madeline – a healthfully humorous, radically ridiculous, momentarily messy broad here to give you a flicker of joy on the (in most cases) most indignant day of the week.
Monday is like…
…going through customs, slow, rude, and there’s almost always someone present who wants to make your life miserable…not to be confused with the Bureau of Motor Vehicles.
Oooh…I’m so late with this post that I should be ashamed of myself! If I don’t get my act together, Madeline will be no more. You try juggling kids, pets, my hair, and being interesting…well, I guess you do, except the “my hair” part. Some days just seem so…short. Today was like that, and the funny thing is, we just passed the Spring Equinox (twelve hour day/twelve hour night). The scarier thing is that I actually know that fact and, for the life of me, can’t remember why.
Speaking of time, I’ve always been one to be late. No, I mean chronically, unforgivably late; my relatives and friends have made a covenant. They actually plan (or conspire) gatherings with the understanding that I’ve been told to be there at least a half hour before everyone else. That way no one has to eat cold food waiting on me. It’s the hair; I’m telling you.
I have three…not one, not two, but three MAJOR cowlicks in my hair. And, I’m sorry…but to have something on my body that has anything to do with a cow’s tongue is not my cup of tea. Yeah, I looked it up. A cowlick is the swirly mess that is left after a mama cow licks the shit off her baby…literally. Aren’t you glad we don’t have to do that with our children? Although, I do recall my mother licking her hand and then trying to smooth down the unacceptable hump-of-hair in the back of my head. Please tell me why I just had a flash of an alternative rock band named “Hump of Hair”. And you better believe they had some cowlicks! =)
Anyway, my hair has been a object of discord among my family since I can remember. I actually think my mom paid my brother to put gum in it so she could cut it all off.
That was a sad day…for my brother. And, yes, it was cut short, into what was coined back then as the “Dorothy Hamill”. Oh God, this post is going south real quick; I’m talking about the seventies again. Let’s see, I started with time, went to family gatherings, then to hair, cows, gum, and now, for the love of God…Dorothy Hamill. Well, I don’t know about you, but I’ve certainly received a lot MORE out of my Monday!
I couldn’t think of any more fitting video clip to leave you with than one of that precious figure skater showing off her famous hair cut…and, of course, winning an Olympic gold medal.
Love,
Madeline♥
Photo by Gothicjade
More Out of Monday with Madeline♥
I’m Madeline – a healthfully humorous, radically ridiculous, momentarily messy broad here to give you a flicker of joy on the (in most cases) most indignant day of the week.
Monday is like…
…a fog bank, it hides all the danger until it’s too late.
I’ve been in such a mothering mode…now what that means to you might be completely different from what it means to me. In my case it’s all about the attention to detail…knowing where they are, what they’re doing, who they’re with, what they’re playing with….and so on.
Today, I thought I’d do a little tribute to all of you super moms out there with this fun little list. Pay attention; you’re in there somewhere.
You Know You’re a Good Great Mom When…
1. Your teen tells you that she spilled a crock of cheese in the van, you tell her it’s OK even though you know her story is a crock of something else. Hint: Nacho cheese dip smells suspiciously like barf…I figured cleaning up her drunk friend’s puke was punishment enough. (We had words later).
2. Your toddler makes poopy in the potty. You both stand there afterwards and wave goodbye to Bob, Bill, Jeff, and John as they swirl down.
3. Your four-year-old daughter cuts her own hair, her sister’s hair, Barbie’s hair, the cat’s hair and, instead of punishing her, you start researching cosmetology schools.
4. Your son thinks the song “Pants On the Ground” should be in the top 40.
5. You don’t ever let your kids watch The Shining…accidentally or on purpose…not unless you want to go to the bathroom with them for the next seven years (OOPS).
6. You have a box filled with all of their passing fads, ie, Beanie Babies, Pokemon Cards, YuGioh Cards, Tele-Tubbies, Power Rangers, Bratz…just in case.
7. You don’t tell her that you look better in her jeans than she does. Shhhh…
8. You allow your son to spend 40-50 bucks on a new video game only to watch him beat it in one day…it’s a real self-esteem booster.
9. Your child receives a gift from someone visiting the Middle-East. The stuffed camel chants what you’re sure translates as ”kill the infadel”, but you let them have it because it teaches tolerance.
10. And for the grand finale…your husband wants a raunchy, sexy song and striptese to add a little spice to your love life, and the only tune in your head is Won’t You Be My Neighbor.
Love,
Madeline♥
Photo by Gothicjade