Judging Others
I focused on the topic of forgiving in Part III. Now, I would like to expand on the somewhat parallel issue of judging others. The similarity to unforgiveness is this: when we judge others, it has a devastating affect on our emotional and even physical lives. Whenever we point a finger at or criticize someone, we really are damaging a part of ourselves. The reality of sowing and reaping or karma, as some call it, is unmistakably alive and well on planet earth. It doesn’t matter what you call it, the fact is it’s a spiritual law that doesn’t stop working just because you don’t want to believe it.
The Error
For example, if you nonchalantly judge another for being overweight or unsightly in their appearance then chances are, at some point, you or someone you love will be judged for the very same things. I know it sounds odd, and almost unbelievable, but trust me; it’s real. I’ve tested this philosophy on my own life, and I’ve clearly seen the error of my ways. Every problem or conflict that I deal with today has a link to something or someone I judged in the past. Because this pattern can start at a young age, finding yourself out of control by the time you reach your adulthood is likely. I know I did. Checking yourself daily is the only way to make sure that your personal gavel doesn’t fall on innocent victims.
Another Visit to the Past
Think about the major issues of your life; what would like to change for the better? Job, marriage, kids, finances, these are all important aspects of our lives and ones that can often cause us stress and concern when things go bad. I’m not saying that 100% of your problems are from judging others; I just want you to consider the concept. First, revisit how you saw your parents and grandparents. How did they raise you? Were they kind and fair or were they cold and distant? More than likely, they were somewhere in the middle. No matter what your special case is, you have—whether you like it or not—developed some sort of judgment based on your experiences and emotions.
It could be that your parents were horrible at handling money, and likely, you paid some of the price for that. Being constantly disappointed by lack and being told “no” too often could have caused you to feel neglected. These continual feelings may have developed into judgments that have followed you right into your adulthood. Chances are if this is the case, you now have some financial difficulties that your own children or others may be judging you for. It’s a nasty cycle that someone has to break; that person is you!
True Confessions
This is a situation that requires quite a bit of clean up of past attitudes and judgments but also strict attention to the present. You can release judgments much like you forgive. A verbal confession like “I confess my judgment of ….for…and release them and myself from this judgment and its consequences.” This is also the time to turn to your spiritual strength to help you break this cycle of negative power over your life.
If possible, go to that person and confess what judgments you have had. You may also ask them to forgive you. I think you will be surprised at what positive comes from this experience. Some long overdue apologies and reconciliation will most likely occur.
An Everyday Struggle
Turning to the present now, be mindful of how you look at and react to others around you. Passing quick judgments can be harsh and unwarranted. Truly, we have no right to judge anything about another person. Appearance, social and financial status, education, job are all things that can’t help but be out there for approval or disapproval, but it doesn’t mean you have to turn into a critic. Unfortunately, our culture is flawed in its need to judge, categorize, and compete. Remember, if you point the finger then it’s going to point right back at you, only more harshly.
Getting Help
If you notice a continual pattern of negative thoughts for a particular person or group of people, then analyze your feelings. You may have a root of bitterness that goes much deeper than you thought. This might be the time to seek professional help for your continued journey. Sometimes the human mind will hide extremely painful events to protect you from further turmoil. It is an innate instinct to keep going at a certain level of energy and ability to function; remembering too much might disturb that balance. I will be honest here; you could feel some emotional strain from this exercise, as it will no doubt bring up some old garbage. Your journal will be crucial as you work through this stage of progress.
What Are We Doing?
People generally do the best they can at living according to their knowledge level and situation. If only our unkind thoughts and judgments really did make people change, or better yet, make us better. If only we could just will that street person to a bath and a job with our rolling eyes and disgusted heart, and in return, we would get a promotion and a nice spa treatment. I know this sounds silly, but think about it; what are we really trying to accomplish by judging others? Remember, you are accomplishing something whether you like it or not, and it’s not good. We have to change, ladies. Stop the tragic ridicule of your fellow humans! Try spreading some kindness and love for a week; see how fast things will change for you. Smile at a stranger today.
Excellent Article. Moving towards a willingness to forgive and not judge is a great stride on a journey towards self improvement.
I’d also add that the valley of judgment can be nearly impossible to climb out of on our own. Purchasing The Importance of Forgiveness by John and Carol Arnott and using it for a guide is useful but sometimes extra outside help is needed.
Our minds set up neural pathways from past experiences which give us an expectation of what we will receive from life. And if we believe, we receive. If you try to forgive and can’t seem to hold onto this seek out an eft practitioner or use brain entrainment techniques to knock down that last barrier.
Looking forward to reading more in the future.
Absolutely! The key to complete wholeness and self-improvement is being willing to keep at it. I hope that the articles in the series will help women get started on their journey. There is definitely more that can be done once the first actions are completed. I will be doing some posts on eft (emotional freedom technique) and the holosync program. Most likely, I will have an expert in the field do a guest post.
Thanks for your insightful comments.