Tag Archives: Relationships
This and That Tuesday
Do we have a yummy treat for you today! If you’ve been trying to understand the opposite sex lately, our new friend, Maryanne Comaroto, debunks some myths about men in her first guest post with us. Maryanne is an award-winning author, therapist and radio personality who reaches three million people worldwide through her broadcasts. She is the founder and Executive Director of the Center for Healthy Relationships, based in San Francisco, CA.
Healthy M & M’s ?
By Maryanne Comaroto
There are a number of myths out there floating around about guys and gals ~ usually perpetuated by members of the opposite sex. Some have a bit of rooting in fact, while others don’t. Here, I debunk a few myths about males.
Top 5 male mating myths
♦ All the good ones are taken
♦ A man’s penis has a mind of its own
♦ All men only want one thing
♦ Men are dogs
♦ Good guys are boring
So let’s start at the beginning:
♦ All the good ones are taken
Let’s start with the word ALL. Right away, this sweeping generalization has to tip you off to the fact that’s it not even possible to get around to all 3.4 billion members of the male population to test this ridiculous yet popular notion. Instead, this is an idea conjured from a deeply lacking mentality. I have never believed this. Rather, I thought “So many men, so little time.” And so it was true for me.
Energy flows where attention goes, right? So maybe you need to switch up your internal chitchat. Remember, water seeks its own level—like attracts like! OUCH, I know, that stings, and sucks to be with. You may want to consider that perhaps your belief that there are no great ones available is simply a clever way to avoid looking at who you are being and why you attract the kind of men you do. Man up, ladies and take a good look in the mirror. You may not like what you see, but know this—until you do, in the long run, neither will anyone else!
♦ A man’s penis has a mind of its own
Really. This may be the world’s oldest excuse for men behaving badly. Want proof? Set up an interview with one (a penis, that is). I think you’ll find your subject disappointing, aside from one rather impressive calisthenic move. Bring a tape recorder in case you’re the one person in history that will get one to talk instead of drool. Be reminded, ladies, of the definition of mind: That which is responsible for one’s thoughts and feelings; the seat of the faculty of reason.” Should any man want to argue that his penis is the seat of his faculty of reason, RUN!
♦ All men only want one thing
That’s so insulting, not to mention untrue. Donald, my fish, wants more than that. Think about it. If it were true, men would never get into relationships, never marry; heck, never leave their houses, and Vaseline stock would be worth billions. Yes, men love sex, most people do—but don’t sell yourself short.
It may very well be that you have learned (as many women do) to value that most about yourself, and therefore attract men who place that extremely high on their priority list. Again, go to the mirror. What do you value most about yourself –really? What do you believe? The man you attract will simply reflect this belief. How much time and energy do you spend trying to be attractive and alluring? Get a handle on your beliefs and check in with your archetypal seductress; maybe it’s time to re-group, re-prioritize and re-think what you’re putting out there. Lead with sexy, get sex. Lead with your magnificent, authentic, sacred self and, believe it, you’re 100 times more likely to attract the same!
♦ Men are dogs
If you approach any man thinking he’s a dog or someone to be trained, you are in trouble. Relationships are challenging for most of us under the best of circumstances; don’t make it harder by starting out at a deficit, holding anyone you’re interested in such low regard rather than in their highest light.
Great relationships require a huge deal of respect to make it over the long haul. If you suspect the person you are with to be operating out of their lower nature, move on. It’s the loving thing to do. We don’t need to pause and let them know what we think needs to be improved, or (in detail) how we feel about the way they are choosing to be. Just notice that it doesn’t jive with what you want for yourself in a partner and respectfully—GO. A great definition of Love I recently heard: Let others voluntarily evolve. WOOF!
♦ Good guys are boring!
Yeah, if you’re a drama junkie. Well, are you? My mother, God bless her, said something to me I have never forgotten. I made the mistake of telling her I was bored once, when I was probably 10 or 11. She smiled and looked squarely at my little face and said simply, “Well, honey, if you’re bored, you’re boring.” I don’t think I’ve been bored a moment since. My mother taught me the lesson of a lifetime; that I am the only person responsible for my delight, my joy, my entertainment and happiness. That the party is wherever I am. I will always be grateful.
So many of us women think it’s a man’s job to manage our emotional thermostat. If you want romance, take a bath and light some candles, buy yourself some chocolate or flowers. And while you’re at it, you might want to take a hard look at your relationship history and patterns and explore your love imprint. Saying all men are boring is overly simplistic, and you may miss out on someone who is a sleeper, someone who just needs a while to warm up. Happy trails!
For more information about Maryanne Comaroto, visit her at Maryannelive.com.
Man and woman photo by Lorrainemd
Introspective Sunday: Am I selfish?
There is one problem with this question…that is if you actually are selfish. Most people who are self-centered won’t even entertain the thought that they have “it’s all about me” syndrome, at least until they have a revelation. The other thing is selfishness is some what subjective, meaning it means different things to different people. So, in addition to the introspective question that you should ask yourself, you might want to ask a trusted friend or family member to analyze your behavior as well.
Everyone Is Selfish…To a Point
Here’s a thought…even if you are generally giving and think of others often, it’s likely that you have selfish tendencies, at least. We’re human. It isn’t always possible to put everyone else first. After all, we have to take care of ourselves. It’s when you never put others first that can become a problem. It’s also a matter of setting the appropriate priorities.
Get a Clue
Here are some things that you may do that are clues to chronic selfishness…trust me, I know; I’ve done them.
1. Feeling that “your needs” are always more important than everyone else’s.
2. You are unable to understand the opposing view points of others. You know those debates that you refuse to lose.
3. Being right is more important than the relationship.
4. You often feel that everyone is against you and your goals.
5. You avoid conflict that you don’t feel confident about.
6. Blaming others for your problems is frequent.
7. You often get defensive.
8. Pride is your best friend.
9. You are your best friend.
10. You’re friends and family have started avoiding you.
Most of these are pretty extreme examples, so keep in mind that there are many lesser instances where selfishness may be an issue. Just asking yourself this question should get you thinking about your behavior and where you might make some changes. I have started a full self-evaluation in this area as I have had some relationship problems as of late. Don’t be afraid of yourself and any negative attributes you might have; face them…head on. It’s the only way to change – for real. Love to all. Be well-be beautiful.
Photo by Darklilwitch
Introspective Sunday: Am I a Good Friend?
For some making friends (and keeping them) comes easily, and for others it seems to be a daunting chore that never seems to happen. Today, I was thinking about all of the people in my life whom I consider to be my friends, how we met, and how we continue to grow (or not) in our relationships. Have I been a good friend? Yes and no…nobody is perfect.
Coming Together-Drifting Apart
There have been people come into my life spontaneously and those who have gone out just as quickly. In some of those cases, I’m left to wonder why. Was it something that I said or did? Was it just a situational friendship? Maybe it wasn’t me at all.
Because we all go through life-seasons, there are times when some friends slip away and others become closer. It depends on the specifics of your life and theirs. This fact doesn’t necessarily mean that either of you is a bad friend. However, you might want to explore your feelings to make sure that there wasn’t any misunderstanding or conflict that didn’t get resolved in the case of the waning relationship. I did this recently with one of my best friends.
We had drifted apart from a stupid misunderstanding that neither of us meant to come between us. After some phone tag and a couple of emails, I wondered if we were ever going to make up. Finally, I just dropped by her home. It became quickly obvious to both of us that our parting was silly and mainly caused by girl sensitivity and creative soul misunderstanding. Thankfully, we are still good friends…even though I was being an ass.
“Never lose sight of the fact that the most important yardstick of your success will be how you treat other people – your family, friends, and coworkers, and even strangers you meet along the way.”
˜Barbara Bush
The One Who Got Away
So, I guess that it’s not the trials that you go through that determine whether you are a good friend but rather how you handle them. It’s a process of growth. Keep in mind that you may not be able to restore a friendship if the other person is not willing. This is not your fault. Moving on is your only choice at that point. When you know that you’ve done your part, it’s out of your hands. I’ve had to let friends go. Yes, it hurt, and I didn’t understand, but it wasn’t all negative. I learned some things from those turbulent relationships – things that make me a better friend to those who are still in my life and for those I’ve yet to meet.
Just Be You
The best thing that you and I can do to be good friends is be ourselves. Know that we are all fallible, emotional creatures who need each other. The quicker we figure this out, the quicker we’ll have loving, life-changing friendships. It makes for good blogging, too. =) Tell us about your experiences with friends. Are you a good friend? Have you let someone down? Have they wronged you? We’d love to chat about it. Be well-be beautiful.
Photo by Ivee
Honored Relationships
We all want a relationship where we feel fully loved, deeply understood, and deeply valued, and where we walk the journey in complete harmony with another. Many times we are looking to the other person to provide us with what we want and need, when in truth, we simply mirror that in which we give. We often have the idea that when the perfect person comes around, we will begin to be on our best behavior, and that we will change when we meet him or her.
The Boomerang Effect
The universal law is that we attract those who are similar in the energy we are projecting at any given time, which means – if we want another to be attentive, patient, non-judgmental, open in communication, and understanding, it’s best to work on ourselves first, and every moment thereafter.
Changing the Life Script
Many have issues from a painful childhood that they have never addressed; they continue to draw others to them that re-create a similar, yet usually safer, environment in order to work these same issues out. It’s as if they continue the same script with different actors and actress until they finally deal with the hurt, anger, and the pain that is being suppressed. In order for love to be strong and lasting, it must come out of wholeness and not out of emptiness. When one expects the other to fill the void that is within them, the relationship is drained rather than shared. When the other no longer feels like the most important person, does not feel needed, wanted, appreciated, loved and accepted for who they are, than they move away on every level.
Going Through the Motions
If the physical level is still shared, than it is done so out of resentment and not out of love and compassion. There are also those that have had the best of intentions that have created a love affair with their work, and the enticement came from keeping score financially. They are an expert at making that relationship work because it has not demanded anything from their heart, just their soul.
After many years we often see one questioning the warmth that it provided and whether or not those that they surround themselves with understand them. They begin to step out from their work relationship and question what was thought to have worked so well before. The outcome of their actions is the rippling effect they are feeling at the present. That is not to say that one is right or wrong, or one way is better than another – it is a matter of choice.
The Woman in the Mirror
We create the situation that we are in at the moment, and many times we wonder why we are here. If we want to change the situation that we are in, we must begin by working on ourselves and not be concerned about changing everyone around us. When we begin to change our perception, our values, and that which we project to those around us than we create a more conscious environment - one that we are often more comfortable in. We then have an understanding of where we are at with our relationships and ourselves – only then can we open our hearts and truly love, and allow others to love us in return.