Tag Archives: working mothers
If you are anything like me, keeping in touch with friends can take a back seat to work, housekeeping, grocery shopping, and mom’s taxi service. A dilemma that strains even the best friendships. We all want to improve our relationships but often struggle with consistent communication, the foundation of any good friendship. Fortunately, with a little creativity and planning, we can keep our best buds close.
The Tools of Communication
- One of the best ways that I have found to stay in touch with friends and family is through a social website like Face Book or My Space. It’s not that they are any better than the phone or standard e-mail; they just allow you to have all of your contacts in one location. You are able to keep up with what’s going on in their lives with a click of your mouse. With advanced security options, these sites can be safe and provide you with a fast, easy way to share the latest with anyone, anytime, and anywhere.
- Sending a quick text to your best friend can be a lifesaver if you suddenly get bogged down with work or the kids. At least it lets them know you didn’t forget about them. I don’t recommend texting as your only form of communication; that’s like cheating on a test when you don’t have to. Try to mix up your digital contact with telephone and in person chats.
- Though technology is thriving in the coolest ways ever, I still believe in sending good, old-fashioned cards and letters. People, especially women, love to receive personal, hand-written notes in the mail. I know it makes me feel special when I know someone takes the time to think about me. Sending a simple card or note is the perfect way to save your friendship from the impersonal rut.
Gatherings
If you have many friends who run in the same circles, you might try hosting a party or simple pitch-in barbecue to bring everyone together. Better yet, takes turns with each other. This month, have a game night at your place; next month, have a wine tasting at Kathy’s. Share your homes, food, drinks, and families; it’s the best way to do life with those you love.
The Structured Approach
I am in the middle of being structured and unstructured, so I can go either way on this topic. However, I have found that keeping track of how often you contact your friends can be helpful. It can be as simple as jotting a note on your calendar or setting a reminder on your phone or palm pilot to remind you to call a certain person. The point is to do whatever works for you. Another good way to create true bonds is to set a regular appointment to meet them. Do lunch, a movie, or a class together once a week to bring consistency to any relationship.
The Getaway
The grandest and most exciting way to strengthen any friendship is to get away together. Leave the spouses, the kids, and work behind as you whisk away to a hotel with your best friend. Get facials, massages, go to the museums, take a cruise; be creative with this one. The goal is to have fun and create memories that will stay with you both for a lifetime.
The Way of the Teenager
Do you remember when you were a teen and all of your friendships were so close; nothing could tear you apart? Well, there is a reason for that. First, most teens spend a lot of time keeping their friends close. Friendships are a priority to them because they find comfort, peace, and support from others who are experiencing similar situations. I asked my two daughters how they keep their friendships going: they both said they talk a lot. We can learn something from this way of thinking.
Long Lost Friends
Sometimes we just lose track of people all together. This usually happens when we don’t do any of the things we talked about in the previous paragraphs. Weeks, months, and even years can fly by without us even thinking about the friends that we, at one time, could not live without. If you find yourself in this situation, try to make contact with a simple gesture like an “I miss you” card; that is if you know where they are. This brings me to the next point. Locating lost friends can be as easy as Face Book friend finder or difficult enough to warrant a private investigator. Decide how important the person is to you and dive into the search accordingly. When you get back in touch, it is likely you will have lots to talk about as you make up for lost time.
Good friends are worth your time and effort to keep in touch. However, if they don’t respond or return the love no matter what you do to participate in the relationship; you just might need to let it go. People change and move on; that includes you.
Time…the most precious resource that we have at our disposal. Well, not to say that we should be throwing it away. In fact, we need to rein it in, tame it, and make better use of it. If only there was twenty-five hours in a day, I could do so much more. Maybe it isn’t that we need to do more; maybe we need to find out what is truly important, what is not, and make changes accordingly.
Ideals
I love how so many ads depict families enjoying each other’s company in scenes of splendor in a park or on the beach. We all dream of those special times coming to pass but often lack the “time” or other resources to make it happen. Finding leisure time to relax, whether it is alone or with friends and family, takes planning and even sacrifice if you’re the busy woman so many of us are. Reshaping your schedule to find more time is a key, but, first, you must decide what it is you want to do with the time. A self-locating exercise will help you identify needed change.
Step 1. Write down what you want to do and why. What will you get out of doing more of these things? Try to list them in the order of importance. Don’t work on the whole list all at once; this will only cause frustration.
Step 2. Compare the above list to one that shows what you do with your time now. This list might be a little hard to compile if you don’t really pay attention to your day like most busy moms. It’s go, go, go all the time; you might even have a hard time finding time to do this. Try to keep a diary of your activities for a few days until you get a sense of where you are. You may discover that you don’t do any of the things that you want to. That’s why I’m writing this.
Step 3. After you see how crazy things are, ask yourself, “Can I weed out anything?” I know it’s hard. We might think that by getting all those things done that we are building better, happier lives; in reality, we might be preventing the creation of that beautiful life. “It sounds like a paradox, says Neil Fiore, Ph. D., a psychologist and executive coach in California, and the author of The Now Habit (Penguin Group, $15), “but research shows that to be productive and creative, you must make time for recreation and relaxation. Trying to skimp on them hurts your motivation and often leaks you to procrastinate.” So, take another stab at that list, maybe you can be more ruthless than you thought.
Try these tips to free up some needed time.
- Delegate what you can to your significant other or children. Your offspring need to learn responsibility as well as life skills. Give them the chores that they can accomplish with pride. When they do something well, they will likely want to complete the task again.
- Make house cleaning, car washing, and yard work a family affair. I once made a contest out of Saturday morning cleaning. Whoever got their room done the quickest got a prize. This is your baby; be creative.
- If you can afford outside help, then bring on the maid, lawn service, car wash, or personal assistant. You can make money repeatedly, but you can’t replace time.
Limit distractions from TV, phone, children, and friends while attending to detailed jobs like paying bills and making a grocery list. - If you are among those special women who make lists and schedules and actually stick to them, (by the way I worship you), then you should be able to whip up a new one to create the leisure time you want.
- Learn to let things go a bit. Perfection isn’t really all it’s cracked up to be. It only drives you and your family crazy.
- Keep a “to do” board up somewhere you can see it often. Don’t let this be an unmovable mountain that bogs you down; instead, use it for motivation purposes. Keeping on track is the goal, not making insufferable lists.
- If you have large projects that you dread, break them up into smaller, workable parts. It’s better than putting it off and likely never getting it done.
- Be accountable to yourself and family for things that you are supposed to be doing. Make them accountable to you, as well.
- Write short emails, letters, and texts.
- Plan your week up front. A Blackberry or Franklin planner can be your best friend…or your worst enemy.
- Whatever you do, make time for yourself. If you are tired, sick, or agitated then no one will be happy.
Photo by artistic feet.