It’s Mother-Daughter week and it is also “Triggers” week in my group therapy. Coincidence? I think not. The kicker – my mother (whom I do not have a relationship with) recently contacted me on Facebook. It’s funny when you start making changes in your life, the little things that you try to ignore, rear up their ugly heads. What would the old me do? I would probably get mad at myself for not ever being good enough for my mother. I would get mad at her comments, say something just to hurt her back and go back to my life without a mother. I would remember I was not good enough for anyone, that I would never have a complete family to call my own. This would in turn, make me sabotage all the relationships in my life.
But I said, “I want it to stop!”
I am now a mother to a beautiful 6-year-old girl. She means the world to me, and I want to stop this crazy mother/daughter cycle that is happening in my family. I want to know my grandchildren. I don’t really remember much about my grandma; however, I do remember my mother telling me how much her mother hated her. And for my mom, that feeling was mutual. I wondered if my grandmother’s relationship with her mother was the same. How long had this cycle gone on? This caused some very overwhelming feelings for me. I never want my daughter to cut me from her life.
Girls Need Their Mothers
Parenting is not easy; we all know this. It’s not hard to get frustrated, lose patience and yell at your kids. They seem to know exactly how to push your buttons. It’s also not hard to remind them of all the good things about themselves too. Personally, my favorite moments are spent doing homework, having my daughter read to me. I make a point to tell her how proud I am of her or how smart I think she is. I plan to build her self-confidence. I know that no matter what I do, she will make her own choices in life, but I have to trust that she will make the right decisions based on my actions as a role model. We cannot judge our children, or we are truly judging ourselves.
Acceptance Is Key
Today, I realized that it is still hard for me to accept the fact that I don’t have a mom like so many others. I don’t have that love and acceptance from someone that created me. However, I also realized that it is OK and not all my fault. I am loved and accepted in this life, I just had to find it in places that I created. Life will be what you make it, why not make it beautiful. Believe in yourself, I do!
“All little girls should be told they are pretty, even if they aren’t.”
― Marilyn Monroe