The art of feeling safe and connecting more than physically in the bedroom takes practice and a certain amount of patience to master. After all, communicating your desires and interests in a loving way and listening to your partner equally isn’t always easy. Consider trying to combine two different chemicals into one. You might get something quite lovely, or you could cause a toxic reaction. I believe it starts with having an understanding of ourselves and how we tick. Specifically, I’d like to talk about how to have better bedroom conversations. Because we are at our most vulnerable at that time, it’s important to be gentle but also frank. Here are a few tips to get you started.
Why the Bedroom?
Being able to talk about sex, intimacy, and emotions with your partner is so much more than just a cliche. This becomes especially true if you have relationship issues or if you feel insecure. Reserving the bedroom as an intimate sanctuary helps you both to identify this space and time as sacred to the relationship. It is similar to how sleep experts recommend that you avoid working and excessive electronics use in the bedroom because it can hinder sleep cues and rhythms.
Make Time For Talking
Make time for conversations that aren’t easy. Because topics like sex, betrayals, money, and health issues require so much of ourselves to complete, they can be avoided easily. Remember, when you’re relaxed, and at peace with one another, ask questions that are open-ended and promote fuller discussions.
I also recommend that you set specific times during the week to focus on what is the most pressing. Do also consider that you might need some outside help if things don’t go well. Bringing in a therapist, counselor, or sexual health clinic isn’t a sign of failure. On the contrary, it is a sign that you are willing to go the extra mile to deepen your connection.
Be Fully Present
We live in a busy, demanding world that requires our attention. It’s unfortunate that the person closest to us might suffer the most from that fact. It is, therefore, imperative that we show up completely for our partner, especially when it’s time to talk. It’s not fair to be on your phone, to watch TV, or be thinking about tomorrow’s plan while trying to create verbal intimacy. That said, make sure that it is a good time to have this expectation of yourself and your partner. If it’s not, postpone the conversation until it is.
Be Honest and Respectful
Honesty and respect are a pillar of any relationship and must be practiced regularly to shine through. Developing more intimate conversations about anything will rest on your ability to open up and be real with your partner. Once trust is secured and isn’t an issue, you both are much more likely to be happier and more content talking about anything that comes up.
As you intentionally work toward your relationship and communication goals, make note of any changes and discuss them. Of course, you don’t always have to talk in the bedroom, it just helps you to lower any defenses or inhibitions. This strategy reminds you to have more candid conversations in general and peaks your desire to move forward.