***This post was contributed and may contain affiliate links.
Making the decision to end any relationship shouldn’t be done on a whim or in anger. And, if you find yourself on the receiving end of being unceremoniously dumped, you should consider what led up to it. If it was in the heat of the moment after an emotional throw down, you may want to step back and reflect before throwing the towel in. At this point, you may be asking yourself this: Is my relationship worth fighting for? Only you can answer that question, but here are some tips to navigating the tough road.
Is My Relationship Worth Fighting For? Tip #1: Listen Carefully
Understand this: if your partner is talking to you, even with anger, then he or she cares. Emotional outbursts and fights happen because you are emotionally connected to the other person. The problem with loud and careless communication is that no one really hears the other. It is just a string of triggers that bring out the worst in both of you. I’ve experienced plenty of it over the years. Love doesn’t just switch off. So get to the bottom of any issues before you give up.
Learning to truly listen and hear the other person is not easy. It means you have to be willing to drop your perspective for just a minute in order to see things a different way. You don’t have to agree, but, if you care about the relationship, you should listen. I know it’s hard not to want to sling that clever come back at your partner, but this tendency has not served you in the past. It’s best to listen first and digest the issues before you answer.
Is My Relationship Worth Fighting For? Tip #2: Give Yourself and Your Partner Space
You may find yourself in a situation where your partner doesn’t want to talk to you. This doesn’t necessarily mean he or she doesn’t love you. It could be that there isn’t anything useful to say at the moment. Additionally, he or she might be struggling with how to express deeply felt emotions in fear of being wrong. Maybe you are the one who can’t seem to express herself.
Silence may be reigning in your home at the moment, but don’t give up faith that something can change. It may be time to do some research about relationships and what is really happening at the core. Learn to laugh at yourself and accept that you’re not perfect. I love this article at ExBackExpertise that shows us that we have to pull ourselves together and figure out what’s important.
Is My Relationship Worth Fighting For? Tip #3: Never Tolerate Abuse
No one should have to walk on eggshells to please their partner. You may wonder what you said, or did, to cause a massive flare up in bad behavior. Your frequent anxiety is a warning that something is not right. Try to talk to your partner about how you feel. If they respond in a positive way, that is a good first step. However, if they get angry, withdraw or put the blame on you, there may be some emotional abuse happening.
Most people have heard the term, narcissistic behavior, but Gaslighting is a phrase you may not have come across. It is a very gradual form of narcissistic abuse that steals the victim’s self-trust and confidence. Your partner may or may not be aware of this type of behavior. Most victims aren’t aware until it is too late. If you feel you are constantly questioning yourself and hear your partner saying things like “You are crazy, that never happened” or “You are too sensitive” you may be in an abusive relationship.
No one should make you feel like this. It isn’t you and you aren’t going to feel any better staying in the situation. In fact, you will end up becoming withdrawn, losing friends and being completely controlled by your partner. Worst of all, often, narcissists who abuse in this way, become bored once they have destroyed their victim. They find another partner and leave the previous heartbroken, alone and insecure.
Is My Relationship Worth Fighting For? Tip #3: Focus On You
Get yourself out there and learn who you are. Don’t be afraid of your flaws, shadows, and poor behavior. Remember, you can’t control your partner, but you can control your own behavior. I’ve never made any progress in a relationship until I was willing to look at myself under a microscope. There is something charming and comforting about a person who acknowledges that they are flawed and far from perfect. The beginning of healing yourself and a partnership is to see that you are two different people.
Though you should never change yourself completely for anyone, you can change how you behave and react. Decide who you want to be and how this other person fits into your life. Hopefully, your partner does the same. But, if he or she doesn’t, you still have to decide to stay or go. The book, Miracle Morning for Transforming Your Relationship, is one of the best books I’ve ever read on this very topic. Relationship experts, Stacey and Paul Martino, teach that it only takes one of you to transform your relationship. I know it sounds crazy, but I’ve used their techniques, and they work!
***Because I am an Amazon Associate, should you purchase the book from the link provided, I will get some pocket change.