Romantic breakups can be among the most devastating things that can happen in our lives. After all, when you are suddenly divided from someone you care about deeply, you naturally feel grief. This can happen even if you’re the one who initiates the parting. Fresh heartache can also cause a number of emotional, mental, and even physical symptoms, leaving you vulnerable to make poor decisions and mistakes. Though there may not be a magic pill that ends the grief, there are some actions I recommend to avoid.
Post-Breakup Mistakes #1: Stalking Your Ex Online
In the past, it may have been a little easier to break contact with an ex-lover. However, with the internet, social media, and cell phones, the temptation to “check-up” on him/her can be overwhelming. When stalking them online becomes an obsession, it is unlikely you will process grief effectively.
Putting yourself in this position can be harmful to your self-esteem and create more grief than is necessary. This happens especially if you see your ex posting pictures with friends or, even worse, a new partner. The truth is, breakups hurt both parties, even if it doesn’t seem as though he/she is grieving.
Post-Breakup Mistakes #2: Using Excessive Alcohol And Drugs
When we are hurting, it is normal to want the pain to stop. It can be easier to turn to alcohol and drugs as a coping mechanism when we are emotionally compromised. Though there is nothing wrong with having an occasional drink, if it’s done with the intention to numb the pain, it can be dangerous and addicting. If you are recovering from a bad break up, it is important that you watch your alcohol use and make sure that you are only drinking when out with friends having a good time, and not using it as a way to make yourself feel better.
Even if self-medicating numbs the pain in the short term, it won’t heal you or make things better in the long run. The risk of dependence is not worth the temporary high. If you find yourself in this situation, ask for help as soon as possible. You may consider looking into women’s sober living facilities to stay on top of the issue before it gets out of hand.
Post-Breakup Mistakes #3: Pretending To Be Fine
A lot of people think that the best way to deal with a break up is to pretend that they’re fine and carry on as normal. However, refusing to process your emotions in a healthful way can backfire. Bottled up feelings including grief, anger, frustration, and rejection can lead to depression, anxiety, and other mental and physical issues. It’s important to reach out to trusted friends and family when you aren’t doing well. There are also support networks such as groups, therapists, and forums to help you through the worst part of it.
The most important thing to do after a breakup is to take care of yourself. Be kind and gentle as you go through the healing process. Allow yourself to feel whatever comes up and try to stay positive about your future.