Let’s say that you’ve already had three children…maybe four. Your body is telling you it’s time to let motherhood go to the next season. In other words, it’s time to focus on you. For health reasons, you’re not willing to go back to hormonal contraception, and your man can’t stand condoms. What the hell are you supposed to do to keep buns out of the oven? In your mind, a vasectomy is an ideal solution. But, as soon as you mention it, he runs as though you are a serial killer. Sometimes literally. Well, I have a few recommendations for you. Here are some helpful ways to know if a vasectomy is right for him.
Know If a Vasectomy is Right for Him #1: Empathize with Him
Though you have a plethora of good reasons not to get pregnant again, your man has equally valid reasons he doesn’t want a vasectomy. Men are very tied up in their…well, manhoods. As outdated as it might seem, a lot of men still believe that getting the snip somehow lessens what they’ve got down there. To your man, it might be fine for the dog, but not him.
It’s important for you to hear his feelings and concerns. Empathize with him about what’s really going on in his head and heart. Maybe he really wants to have another child. You have to think about the possibility that you may not always be together or something could happen to you as well. Though these things may seem like negative stories, they are still valid if he is feeling emotions connected to them.
Know If a Vasectomy is Right for Him #2: Educate Yourselves
As with any medical procedures, it’s important to understand all you can about the process, risks, and recovery. Start asking your doctor questions or ask for a referral to a specialist. Additionally, I recommend seeking out the opinions of men who have chosen vasectomy. And, if he is unwilling to do the leg work initially, do the research and tell him all about it.
Don’t forget to talk to your insurance company to check on benefits. There is a possibility that they will not cover the procedure completely or at all.
Know If a Vasectomy is Right for Him #3: Consider All the Benefits and Risks
This is a time to really think through the benefits and risks of a vasectomy. Making pros and cons list might help to weigh things out. Include physical, emotional, and logical reasons for both sides. Allow him to share all that he’s feeling and thinking as he is the one who will go through it.
You can express your desires as well. Things like not having to worry about pregnancy might be the main reason to do it. This is especially true if your sex life has suffered because it’s always hanging over your heads. You may even avoid preparation like wearing sexy short dresses and heels, lingerie, or planning mood setting dates because you know the birth control issue will get in the way. Whatever is on your minds, share it before you make any decisions.
Know If a Vasectomy is Right for Him #4: Consider the Future
Considering your future as well as the present is imperative to make a quality decision about getting a vasectomy. As I mentioned earlier, you don’t know what the future holds. Anything could happen. The question is do you want to keep your options open just in case something does? Know that no matter what you decide, it’s OK. There is no wrong choice here. It’s important to do what feels right for you both and your family.
If you need some perspective, consider how you would feel if you couldn’t conceive a child if you wanted one. Though you might be able to seek out anonymous egg donors to make it happen, you would know it’s not your biological child. Your husband may be thinking about his future ability to have a baby…with you or another. You should also know that, in some cases, vasectomies are reversible.