This post was the winner between 21 ways to have an orgasm and 15 ways to shrink your belly fat. Not that those others aren’t important…cause they are. I just see the need for brevity and the fact that my dinner is almost ready. Brief and profound, my favorite.
1. Her real bra size – Thouht I’d start with an easy one. Just go get measured at Victoria’s Secret already. This really is important to your overall appearance and breast health.
2. Her future dreams – Getting harder, they are. Sorry, I didn’t mean to sound like Yoda. If you don’t know what you want out of your life, how do expect to ever get it? Write it down. In a journal. Today.
3. The negative patterns that are ruining her life – And harder still. Here’s an example: You get up every night at midnight to get your bowl of Frosted Flakes (All Bran for the health conscious) and every night you run your hip into the same console table. Even with black, pink, yellow, and blue bruises forming daily on top of your thigh cellulite, you still keep going the same way and having the same traumatic result. You know I’m just using that scenario as an analogy for much deeper emotional issues, don’t you?
Either move the table, stop eating cereal at night, or for God’s sake, turn on a light.
4. What triggers her depression, anxiety, or violent mood swings – Look beyond PMS and PMDD as your only answer would ya. There are other things that can do us in. It could be related to #3. It could be bad choices. It could be your bra is too small. Just figure it out. I’m willing to help.
5. What kind of person she wants to be – This really should have been in the #1 spot. Because if you don’t want to be happy, have friends, be charitable, help others, make something of yourself then you don’t need the other points. You can just keep being a bitch and attracting the bitchfest to your front door so you can bitch some more. Be well-be beautiful. Did you hear the harp music there at the end?
Photo by Waxxlips