Be True to Yourself
By Donna Martelli
What I am writing here may at first seem negative, but remember the flip side of a negative is always a positive and light scatters darkness – always!
My mom died of cancer at the age of 52. That’s way too young! Why?? Through the years I have thought of her and asked God that question. Consequently, I now know why she went to an early grave. My dad was strong and authoritative, from the generation that taught him to be the head of the household and that the wife must submit to his every wish, while giving up her own desires and dreams.
Consequences of Not Being Yourself
Because my mom was (de)educated in the same way, she dropped her pre-marriage life and tried to fit into her husband’s mold of what a wife should be. She was very good at it; the “perfect wife”. She gave up everything she knew and loved for whatever he wanted. She had liked dance and drama, asparagus and spinach, writing and creative decorating. He did not like these things so she squelched her true self to fit his mold (see “Boxes and Molds”). As I look now at photographs of her, I see fear and hopelessness in her eyes. Why did she do that? I believe she thought she was doing the right thing. Bless her heart; all is well with her now!
I started out following her example – wanting to be the “best wife” and to “make my husband happy”! You know, it didn’t work, nor should it have. I re-invented myself for my husband and it did not make him happy! It just hurt me and making me ill. I developed fibromyalgia and other health problems caused from the stress of trying to be someone that I simply was not!
Please don’t get caught in this trap. God made you special and unique. He does not want you to change who you are – the essence of your being – for ANYONE! Be yourself!! You can’t have health without that. I am myself now, and, whatever consequences that brings, I can handle. I feel free, honest and whole…and I am very happy! I like myself!
There is always someone, somewhere, who won’t like you, no matter who you are or what you do. So what?! It is their loss. If you are true to yourself, you are doing alright!!
***Donna Martelli is a personal trainer, ballet instructor, and health coach. For more information about Donna’s services, please visit her web site.
Photo by Ritabraga
I absolutely love the reminder that each one of us is special and unique. Thanks for this!
My mother died young as well. I truly believe it’s because she chose to live a life that masked her pain and ill feelings toward herself. She never really found out who she was as a woman.
Purpose is by design; we have to find the seed and plant it; water it always with gentleness; and we must harvest its fruit when the time is right.