When did we arrive at a place where the simplest action of asking your fellow humans for assistance is not on the list of options, and for some, as painful as getting a root canal? Seriously, what form of twisted philosophy has inundated our lives, families, and businesses to the point of preferring a state of chronic dysfunction to freedom and success? Today, I want you to think about how easily or how difficult it is for you to ask for help.
“The great blessings of mankind are within us and within our reach; but we shut our eyes, and like people in the dark, we fall foul upon the very thing we search for, without finding it.” ˜Seneca (7 B.C. – 65 A.D.)
Isn’t that the truth? We will close our eyes to the challenge, issue, problem before we will ask for help. This unfortunate habit often puts us into a loop of defeat and low self-esteem. Keeping this way of thinking long term can lead to depression, anxiety, relationship issues, and any number of physical health problems.
As a life coach and a woman who naturally wants to help people, I find this kind of resistance often. I usually just ask flat out “why” they don’t ask for help. The answers are anything from “I don’t know how” to “I don’t want to bother someone with my problems”. Though I believe that what comes out is the “truth”, there is likely a deeper issue that needs to be uncovered.
Could it be that many people don’t want to involve others because they don’t want to them to see how dysfunctional they are?
The answer to that is, possibly. Pride and embarrassment really go hand-in-hand. If you have something to be proud of and then suddenly it’s threatened, you might do just about anything to keep your secret of failure from others. During financial problems is an area that you see this type of behavior quite often. The bankrupt business owner will wallow in the self-pity for months (even years) instead of reaching out to a friend, life-coach, or even a therapist to help with the emotions and physical climb out.
Here’s the thing with that: the longer you wait to get help with any problem, the longer you will have it. Additionally, and likely the worst part, you create this negative mantra (looping self-talk) that eventually becomes your normal if you don’t change it. It’s like accumulative stress that DOES NOT stop until you decide to stop it.
So, can you think of a time when you were afraid to ask for help?
What happened as a result of your fear and pride? Could you have solved your problem faster with the help of a professional or even a friend or family member?
Here’s a few tips to help you recognize when getting some help might be a good idea:
♦ You feel trapped in your situation. The thoughts that “things will never change” often come to mind.
♦ The “old happy you” has taken a permanent vacation.
♦ Your family has noticed a change in your behavior.
♦ You find that all the things you used to do are not as satisfying as they used to be.
♦ You lie awake in bed trying to “figure things out” or come up with the “miracle solution”.
♦ You avoid conversations that involve your problem.
The other thing is figuring out what kind of help you need. It could be that you just need to get out with a friend for some girl time or a nice chat – a break from your usual routine. On a more serious level, you might need to seek out the help of a professional like a counselor or psychologist. I am not qualified to tell you if you are at that place, but I will say this: If you are having constant feelings of despair and loneliness, you might want to talk to your health care provider about it.
The Life Coach
In between the two scenarios above would be the seeking out of a life coach. It’s the kind of help that can be as ongoing or short as you need. As a client, you call the shots with this relationship. There are no demands; you work on what is important to you. The coach is simply someone who leads you to the answers through self-discovery. Because they are experts at asking the right questions, you find answers much faster and more efficiently than you do in your insomniac nights.
No matter where you are in your life, there is bound to be something that has you stuck. Face it; you might need a helping hand. Please speak freely in your comments. After all, helping is my business.