There isn’t much anyone can say to comfort someone who is being stalked. Terror and the fear of the unknown dominate the thoughts of a woman who knows someone is there watching, waiting, and looking for an opportune time to pounce. The only real relief comes when the perpetrator is stopped by the law or other means. I’ve said all this to paint a picture of a problem that I believe is just as serious and causes similar negative actions. I’m talking about being stalked by your own self-doubt, fear, and negative beliefs. Please hear me out…
Stalking: the act or an instance of stalking, or harassing another in an aggressive, often threatening and illegal manner.
Just like that perv lurking in the bushes, self-defeating ideas and fears destroy your confidence to be yourself. They demand you to think twice about where you go, what you do, and whom you talk to. They actually gain control over you the longer they are allowed to roam free in your mind. If you don’t believe me, think about the last time you really wanted to do something worthwhile (something out of your comfort zone) but managed to talk yourself out of it. It could have been fear of rejection or poor self-esteem that won in the end, or it could have been someone else on the outside convinced you that your idea was ridiculous. Either way, you were a victim of a crime. One that should not have happened.
So, how do you get rid of the stalker?
The first thing you need to do is identify your perpetrator. What is it that trips you up every time you try to reach for your dream or move forward with self-improvement? Is it a past event or trauma? Is it fear of rejection? Is it lack of self-confidence? Or, all of the above? Once you know for sure what is getting in your way, you can begin to process it. By that I mean to think about how, when, and why this “thing” is disturbing your life. A part of that processing is journaling your thoughts and even talking about them with someone you trust.
As a life coach, I don’t usually focus on the distant past with clients but more deal with the present and future; however, in this case, there could be significant hindrances to moving forward buried in the years gone by. Only in these cases do I suggest opening the door to past events and traumas. That said, I believe anyone can improve their life by focusing on the present moment and what it is she really wants to accomplish in each area of her life. I guess the point here is this: We spend time and effort to ensure our physical safety, where possible violations are concerned. I mean, you wouldn’t walk around in the worst part of town dressed in skimpy clothing, while flashing a sign that says, please attack me, I’m a good catch! So, why do we violate ourselves with what I consider a worse infraction- self-doubt. It’s one thing if outside influences affect our lives and well-being, but when we, ourselves, are the ones doing the damage, it’s unthinkable. The fact is we are paralyzing ourselves and doing it in broad daylight!
What To Do About It: Locating Yourself
Taking back control from past unserving patterns is not easy. However, it doesn’t require years of therapy, lots of money, electric shock therapy, or reading a 5oo page instruction manual. No, it’s less complicated than that. It’s really just about locating yourself and moving forward from there.
And, with that…
You put one foot in front of the other…
As much as I hate to leave you hanging here, I’m going to break this post up into two parts. In the second part, I will address further how to eliminate these sneaky stalkers in your life. Until then, be thinking about the things that repeatedly hinder your success.
Be Beautiful-Be Creative-Be Happy!