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Are You Competing With Yourself?

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How To Believe In Yourself Part 2

Welcome to Women’s Life Link!  If you have never been here before or it’s been awhile, I’d like to thank you personally for your visit.  This particular article you’ve chosen to read is the second in a series called: How To Believe In Yourself.  Part 1, “The 180”, introduced the concept that each one of us does, indeed, have self-esteem issues with a part or parts of our selves or lives.  One of the main reasons is that we tend to compare ourselves to others, and not just to others within our peer group (apples-to-apples), we go right on and choose the prettiest, youngest, strongest, richest, most successful, celebrities with whom to compare ourselves.  That just doesn’t seem fair, does it?  It’s not. Part 1 eased you into the challenge of turning around and taking a look at yourself as your mirror, not the world.  If you haven’t read it, please do before going on.

Well, here we are, looking in the mirror, right?  You thought you were off the hook if you dodged the compare-yourself-to-the-world gig…not so fast.  I’ve got another little issue that’s been hiding in closets all over for years.  Are you ready?

We are competing with ourselves…

Yes, you read that right.

But, wait a minute, didn’t you tell us to look at ourselves, Kellie? 

Yes, I did. 

You have to.  However, there’s a serving way to do it and a non-serving way.  How many times have you said to yourself, “I wish I was skinny like I was in my twenties,” or “I’m just not the same person since my accident.”  You look in the mirror and you see not what you could be based on your present ability or capability but your past ones.  The fact is, you will never look just like you did in your twenties, and if you’ve had a bad accident, it’s likely it did change you in some way.  Just as the “apples to oranges” comparison is not fair, this one isn’t either.  But, relax, it isn’t all our fault.  Again, we have been programmed, by the world, to want to be perfect, younger-looking, athletic, popular, rich, in style, educated, hip, and this list could go on forever.  And, we are supposed to do all that without losing a sense of who we are???  I don’t think that is even possible…not if we do it that way.

Oh, and here’s another one for all you moms out there.  How about when our kids say stuff like this:  “Mom, I liked you better when you didn’t work all the time.  You actually made dinner, ” or “You never take me places since you’ve been sick.”  Wow!  Talk about a knife in the back of self-esteem.  It’s hard to disappoint your children, but it’s even harder to wake up one day and realize you’ve lost all sense of self-direction and confidence.  You may be there now.  That’s OK.    No matter where you are, it’s your present YOU, and she is a woman to be reckoned with.   Read on….

There is a way to do this self-improvement thing that serves you and your family…and the world. Let’s get one thing straight, however.  YOU are enough just the way YOU are.  If and when you realize this is the only time YOU should embark on any type of self-improvement.  This is extremely important!  Otherwise, you will waste a lot of time getting stuck in the same rotten trench.

The one key to making perfect self-evaluations is to do it based on looking at the whole person you see in the present mirror.  This image is your present personal best.  She is the person you can see, touch, hear, know in this present time.  She is not the you of the past or the you of the future.  She is YOU right now, with all your inadequacies and problems, issues and blemishes.  Remember, she is enough.  Enough for your family.  Enough for the world.  Anyone who doesn’t think so, should be led to the door…quickly.  The best example I can give you is my own.

I am a 46-year-old woman, who has experienced many painful emotional traumas and physical illnesses over the past 13 years.  This experience has taken a toll on my body, mind, and spirit at times. I am also a woman who wants to make my life the best it can be.  Several choices have presented themselves over the years.  Honestly, I have done all of them, depending on the time and my frame of mind.  Take a look at them and see if you can relate to the challenges.

My Choices for Self-Improvement

1. I could do nothing, knowing that I am enough just the way I am.  I could simply BE.  Though this is an acceptable option, It’s not one that I can do easily.  It’s in my personality and nature to make things better, including myself. I struggle with this one the most…

2.   I could dream about what it was like prior to my illness and constantly be depressed because I can’t go back there….and I have done that…not so good either. Understand, this encompasses all areas of my life.

3.  I could visualize myself as a healthy, active woman.  This helps to motivate me to believe in miracles and the body’s healing power, to see and understand the possibilities. I believe 100% in visualization for manifesting wonderful things into your life, but it hasn’t been enough to get me through the daily stuff.

4.  I could love myself in the present.  The now me.  She hurts a lot of the time and is limited, but she is a fighter and has hope.  I had to find my personal best for right now. Today.  What can I do today to live that best life I can?  The only rule I have given myself in answering that question is this: My action step has to be based on a now, realistic me. It may be different tomorrow.  In fact, I’m counting on it to be different.

Believing in yourself is simple if you cut yourself some slack and locate your available “self”.  Which brings me to the next part of the series, I’ll give you a hint:  authentic.  Please pick up our feed or stay connected via one of the social sites below so you don’t miss anything! Have your kids or a close friend ever destroyed your self-esteem with one sentence?  How did you handle it?  Please share!

BE YOU!

About Kellie R. Stone

"I make no excuses for my diverse roles as a Rock Your Feminine Type Coach™ and Branding Expert, best-selling author, and crime thriller novelist. Yes, I do still chuckle a bit at the irony. I kick ass as a women’s biz coach by day and kill off vulnerable fiction characters at night. What the hell, it makes for some interesting dreams. I believe that everyone should pursue their passions no matter how out there they seem to be. One of those pure heart-fluttering passions for me has always been writing. Since I did, indeed, chase my dream of being a writer, I've published two non-fiction books in the self-development genre, co-authored an international best seller, and now I'm finally pushing my much-too-old-to-be-in-the-nest novel out the door and into the world. My whole world is empowering and I adore showing others how to live life unfiltered, whether I do that through the written word or my coaching work. I love my job!" ~Kellie R. Stone

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