As parents, we often worry about our choices that concern our children, what form of discipline to use, how to tell them about sex, how much independence to give. It’s a never-ending challenge to balance the good with the bad. Though all of these things are important, I find myself thinking about something completely different…whether I can be a well parent. Now if you’ve never had a chronic illness, you may not relate to this at all, but humor me.
For over seven years, I’ve had a great deal of time and energy stolen from me by chronic migraine and CDH (chronic daily headache). As if it wasn’t enough to spit in my face, the incredibly rude and annoyingly curt illness has tripped, mocked, and short-sheeted my children. They have learned the emotion resentment (doesn’t go well with the teen years). I have learned how that extinguishes all confidence as a mother.
At times it seems as though they don’t want to hear that I’m improving, afraid that it’s not real or that the relief will only be temporary. I used to feel the same way about telling anyone if I had a good day or even a week. Not anymore, though. I am better; I am stronger; I am going to be a well parent. If it kills me…just kidding.
My physical, emotional, and spiritual growth has been life-changing in so many ways. I’ve searched deeper within myself than I ever have before. My body has a fighting chance to heal, to mend all the flaws caused by chronic pain and endless medication. The momentum has me moving in a direction that is bringing fulfillment, energy, and self-love. I no longer tell my head off or wish that someone would just put me in a coma. Yes, I could write a book called, 250 Ways to Live Without Your Head.
Looking to the future, I see myself spending more time making up for all that I’ve lost…we’ve lost. They may not understand all the trips to the doctor, all the pill bottles in my purse and on my nightstand, the painful injections that “make mommy silly”, or the nights I spent at the hospital, but I hope they know how much I have loved them through it all. I appreciate the times when they did help out a little more or comfort me with a foot rub or just their presence. I couldn’t have made it without them.
I don’t know what this new season of “no headaches” will bring; I don’t know if it will last forever or leave as quickly as it moved in. Regardless, I won’t take any of this precious time for granted. It’s a gift from God…
Thanks for being here.
Be Beautiful-Be Creative-Be Happy!