Tag Archives: Parenting
Say Goodbye to Muscle Tension
While undergoing chiropractic treatment years ago, I was introduced to, Formula 303, one of the best natural products I have ever used. With a boat load of kids at home and the usual “mom chores” waiting for my attention, I found myself often stressed and aching. It wasn’t surprising when my shoulders, neck, and lower back were all in knots most of the time. Because I’m sensitive to most medications like muscle relaxers and pain killers, I was thrilled that there was a safe product to relieve my pain and tension.
This multi-purpose relaxant is suited for children age 12 and up and has all natural ingredients to ensure proper absorption and safety; the mix includes, Valerian Root, Passiflora, and Magnesium Carbonate. It seems to work best for spasms associated with muscle overuse and strains. I also find it to be helpful for mild insomnia and times that your world gets a little crazy. Dee Cee Laboratories also carries a product specifically for tension called Stress Plus. In addition to the ingredients in Formula 303, Stress Plus has vitamins B, E, C, and Biotin. For ordering information, go to http://www.formula303.com/ or ask your chiropractor.
Peace of Mind
To reduce anxiety, try Pure Calm, a natural remedy that can be used safely every day. I used it for years as an alternative to other medications. This nerve-calming blend of Lemon Balm, Lavender, and Passion Flower keeps your emotions and nerves in balance while giving you a peaceful feeling of well-being. The company also offers a product for children; a necessary thing to have around with the demands that are put on our kids these days. For product and ordering information, go to http://www.enaturalremedies.com/purecalm_for_anxiety.htm.
Free Spirit
I can’t tell you how much I enjoy learning about natural ways to enhance life and health. One of the more fascinating aspects of my research was the study of Aromatherapy. Though the modern term “Aromatherapy” was created in the early 1920’s by a French chemist, this uplifting practice has been around for thousands of years and has been long known for its gentle healing attributes. Aromatherapy itself is made up of all natural products such as oils and plants. That means the possibilities are limitless as this wonderful earth we live on provides us with everything we need for true health.
The brisk, tangy scent of citrus wakes up your soul with new found energy; lavender gently lulls you to sleep with floral splendor; Frankincense and Sandalwood relax the body and mind, elevate your spirit, and lift depression. Because most of the oils that you need for practicing aromatherapy are widely available, you don’t have to search high and low for good products. I do recommend going to a reputable health food store or online distributor, however. There are different grades of essential oils out there so learn quickly as some of them can be expensive.
Give some of the basic formulas a try and move into more complex mixtures as you get the hang of it. For everything you need to know about aromatherapy and the healing of the spirit, read Aromatherapy for Healing the Spirit: Restoring Emotional and Mental Balance with Essential Oils. The world of wonderful scents and healing potions awaits you. Be well.
You’ve all seen the TV commercials and print ads for the random products; you are left wondering whether they really work or not. I’m the kind of person who will try anything once. From this theory, I have discovered some fabulous products that have helped my health in some way. Keep in mind, everyone is different; what worked for me may not work for you. You won’t know until you try them.
1. The Neti Pot
This hidden-treasure remedy is basically a teapot without a lid or handle that is used to rinse the nostrils with warm salty water. Nasal irrigation or nasal lavage is the personal hygiene practice in which the nasal cavity is washed to flush out excess mucus and debris while moistening the mucus membranes of the nose and sinuses. It has been practised in India for centuries as one of the disciplines of yoga. I have used this for sinus infections and found my symptoms gone after two flushes. It can be slightly uncomfortable if you are sensitive but well worth it. Clinical testing has shown that this is safe and beneficial with no significant side effects. NeilMed NasaFlo Unbreakable Neti Pot with 50 Premixed Packets Health benefits include, less need for antibiotics and steroidal type medications, reduces nasal cavity swelling that can obstruct breathing, and minimizes pain associated with sinus problems.
2. Head-On Headache Remedy
My husband brought home the Head-On stick from a trip to the drug store thinking I should give it a try. I was skeptical about this one but figured it was inexpensive and wouldn’t be a big deal if it did nothing. My headaches can be severe and difficult to abate, so I wasn’t going to be upset and demand my money back if the pain didn’t completely go away. I applied the stick to my forehead and temples and felt a cool, tingling sensation that relaxed the muscles on my face almost immediately. For mild to severe migraine, expect a distraction and relaxing sensation but it likely will not stop it entirely. For regular headaches, the stick is wonderful and does more to relieve the pain. Head-On is a homeopathic product that is safe and effective for most people. They even have a Head-On product for children. Available in your local drugstore pharmacy department, $8.00. Health benefits include, less need for OTC pain relievers, prescription meds, and has relaxing effect that reduces pain and stress associated with headaches.
3. Tiger Balm
I have used this product since the early nineties when my Karate instructor recommended it for muscle aches. My whole family has benefited from its pain-relieving properties. Tiger Balm ointment was created nearly 100 years ago from ancient Chinese sources and subsequently expanded over the years into different formats to give you the relief you desire for different areas of pain. Tried, tested, and trusted by generations of users, Tiger Balm’s unique herbal formulation eases aches and pains associated with headaches, rheumatic or arthritic pains, muscle strains and sprains. Available in your local drugstore pharmacy department or Amazon.com Tiger Balm Pain Relieving Ointment, Non-Staining, Ultra Strength, 0.63 Ounces (Pack of 2), $5.00-$25.00. Health benefits include, pain relief without OCT and prescription meds, reduces inflammation, use of all-natural ingredients instead of analgesic cremes that may contain aspirin, NSAIDS or steroids, fast relief that gets you back to normal activities.
4. Dannon Activia
This is one of those frequently advertised products that likely many of you ladies haven’t tried yet. The yummy yogurt (I love the vanilla) contains Bifidus Regularis (a probiotic) and is clinically proven to help with slow intestinal transit when eaten every day for two weeks, as part of a balanced diet and healthy lifestyle. Dannon has gone out on a limb with the Activia challenge that guarantees if you consume the product for 14 days, you will have significant improvement in digestive elimination or they will give your money back. I’ve done it, and it works! Available at your local grocery. Health benefits include, increased elimination that in turn helps other body systems function properly, balances intestinal colony of good-bacteria which lessons the occurrence of parasites and an over-abundance of bad-bacteria, and is a healthy, low-calorie snack that can aid in weight-loss efforts.
5. Peppermint Oil
Mere drops of this precious oil took me through the morning sickness with my six pregnancies. I used the essential oil version that you can only get from the health food store or online distributor (this is not the bad breath product you see in the drug store). You just put 2 or 3 drops on the back of your tongue and let it sit for a few minutes (this is important as the oil is strong and will burn any other parts of your tongue). The most effective remedy that I have ever usedfor nausea , it is the #1 health product to keep at all times. It also works for other digestive ailments like upset stomach due to spicy foods. Now Foods PEPPERMINT OIL Health benefits include, all-natural nausea relief without side effects, aids in digestion, gives you fresh breath, and is safe for children and for use during pregnancy.
*The content of this article is strictly meant to be informational and should not replace advice from your health care provider. Women’s Life Link or any of its authors or associates do not claim that the above information will lead to a cure or improvement of any disease or condition.
Photo by http://abereom.deviantart.com/art/The-green-bottle-98336195
Unprepared
After spending 12 hours without power last night due to a vicious thunderstorm, I suddenly realized how unprepared our family is for emergency situations. It wasn’t the fact that I missed the American Idol elimination I’d been waiting all season for; it was the fact that we couldn’t find the flashlight, my kids couldn’t light candles without burning themselves, and everyone just sort of lost all composure. Kudos to our pioneer ancestors who didn’t even have electricity.
I started thinking it might be time to make some plans “just in case” anything like that or worse happens again. God love me, I try to be organized with those types of things; however, for some reason, candles, lighter, batteries, etc., never seem to stay put. Of course, that might have something to do with the four children I have at home. Well, it is decided that if I’m at sorts with the emergency gear, there are likely many other women with the same problem – a blog post is born.
Resources You Can Trust
After researching the subject, I found the American Red Cross www.redcross.org and Homeland Security http://www.dhs.gov/index.shtm websites to be the most comprehensive and helpful. “Being prepared for emergencies is crucial at home, school, work and in your community,” says the ARC as the most important factor in emergency readiness. “Disaster can strike quickly and without warning. It can force you to evacuate your neighborhood, workplace or school or can confine you to your home. What would you do if basic services – water, gas, electricity or telephones – were cut off?” That was us last night. We all would like to think that bad things will never happen, but that is simply not a safe way to think and will not help you if something does go wrong.
Tips to “Live” By
- Prepare an Emergency Kit - stock it with at least three days of food, water and supplies. Also, include a first-aid kit, blankets, flashlights, matches/lighter, seasonal clothing, and a battery-powered radio. Make sure it is easily accessible and everyone knows the location. Check and restock the kit at least every six months.
- Make a Plan- Solidify a plan for emergency situations. Write the plan down and give a copy to everyone in the family. This plan should include a meeting location just outside your home and one outside of your neighborhood in case it is not safe to stay around your home, a fire escape route, contact information for a pre-selected person to be notified and kept informed about your needs and whereabouts. Take a minute now to call or e-mail an out-of-town friend or family member to ask him or her to be your family’s designated contact in the event of an emergency. Make sure everyone knows this plan. If you have small children, designate who will be responsible for their safety and care.
- Learn the Basics – First, make sure the adults in the family know the basic rules of an emergency like “stop, drop, and roll,” the low crawl, basic first-aid, CPR, etc.. Furthermore, teach your children the same; it might be the adults relying on children to save their lives. The American Red Cross offers classes like “The Red Cross Talk” and CPR certification programs for all ages. Keeping a list of emergency numbers for the Poison Control Center, your doctor, dentist, hospital, family members, and neighbors is a must for everyone, especially children and babysitters.
- Don’t Forget the Pets – “Dogs may be man’s best friend, but due to health regulations, most emergency shelters cannot house animals. Find out in advance how to care for your pets and working animals when disaster strikes. Pets should not be left behind, but could be taken to a veterinary office, family member’s home or animal shelter during an emergency. Also be sure to store extra food and water for pets. For more information, visit the Animal Safety section on www.redcross.org or visit the Humane Society Web site at www.hsus.org.”
Do the Work
Though these tips are just the most crucial, they will get you and your family (including mine) a head start at emergency readiness. Because every family is different, you need to customize your plan based on your specific circumstances. I hope you take this seriously and act on this information. I have set up an “emergency meeting” for my family and will be using How to Be Safe in Any Emergency Book: The Family Take Charge Book as a guide. And, just a side note, if you happen to have daughters who can’t live without the blow dryer and flat iron, either get battery power back ups or learn how to french braid. Be well; be safe.
Photo by Liquid Imagry on Deviantart.com
Have you ever sat in a room with people you resented? Did you put on a pretentious smile, attempt to flatter them in some way, and yet, seethe inside about the uncomfortable meeting? At some point, most of us experience this horrible situation. And it’s not easy to communicate with positive results when an offense comes between two or more people. In this post, I will talk about some different ways to get past resentment in couple and group situations.
What is Resentment and How Does it Happen?
Well, resentment is what happens before unforgiving attitudes and judgement. It occurs when another person does or says something that attacks or insults you in some way. At the beginning stages of an offense, you can usually fix it fairly easily. Often, it’s just a misunderstanding or an oversight that causes the resentment. With communication these things can be worked out. It is when they go unchecked for a long period of time or ignored all together that they become dangerous to the relationship. In some cases, resentment gets stronger because the other person continues to do the same offensive thing over and over again. You see this often with children in larger families (including my own).
Forced Communication Doesn’t Work
I remember while working with all women at a small business, everyone in the company was forced to sit in a room and tell their co-workers and bosses what they thought of them, good and bad. Most of us were already angry at the owner for various reasons and didn’t even want to be there. Fortunately, for the boss, we had a professional mediator who refereed our meeting. As for us, the employees, we resented the fact that he was even there. At the time, it seemed to insult our intelligence. The forced communication came slowly and when it did, harsh statements of discontentment were aimed at the owner. Unfortunately, that company never did resolve its problems and eventually went out of business.
The Pieces of the Whole
The whole thing could have been avoided if each person had the chance to express themselves individually to the other person. In the above example, that never happened. The feelings of displeasure and indignation escalated to the point that they negatively affected the whole organization and even outside relationships. Putting a group together to resolve issues that derive from one-on-one relationships is not a good idea. It’s like trying to put the roof on a house that has weak support beams. The house won’t stand for long with the weight of the roof pressing down. This can be especially true in family units where the parents have issues with one another. The family as a whole will not be happy if the parents are at sorts. Equally, business leaders have to be spot on with communication and handling individual disputes quickly and efficiently.
How Do You Get Over Resentment?
I truly believe that the process to overcome resentment is a lot like forgiving someone. Though, it may not be as difficult and emotionally involved as spiritual forgiveness, it may take some time to think through the reasons the resentment occurred in the first place. If you are dead set against talking to the other person, then you might not be able to resolve the issue easily. Pride is a driver of most problems like this; it could be your pride or theirs that gets in the way. Someone has to be willing to break the silence and express their feelings. It may take another person to help mediate the talk, but don’t involve more people than absolutely necessary.
When each of you has completely let go of any offenses, you can then discuss how to avoid the situation in the future and move on. This process is so important if you want to keep your relationships in tact and thriving. Even the best of friends and the closest families have occasional problems.
Key Points to Overcoming Resentment
- Immediately recognize your feelings.
- Don’t discuss them with someone not involved.
- As soon as possible, go to the other person and express your grievance.
- Let them know why you are hurt and how it has affected you.
- Listen to their point of view.
- Set boundaries for the future so it doesn’t happen again.
- Give yourself time to heal.
- Learn and grow from the situation.
If you follow these guidelines, I believe you will have better success at communicating with the other person. Also, when the offenses spread to more than two people, you must deal with each person separately before putting the group together. People need their feelings validated; they need to be heard. Once they know that you care about them as individuals, they will more likely respond favorably to the group’s goals.
For those of you who want to explore this topic further, Pema Chodron’s audio book, Don’t Bite the Hook: Finding Freedom from Anger, Resentment, and Other Destructive Emotions will enlighten you on many levels. Though her perspective is that of a Buddhist, her interpretations of Shantideva’s poem are accessible and applicable to anyone’s life regardless of your religion or lack thereof. She has the ability to tap into all the the “hooks” that catch us and make us want to fuel the fire of our own anger, irritation etc.
For those of you who strictly read only Christian material, the book Getting Anger Under Control: Overcoming Unresolved Resentment, Overwhelming Emotions, and the Lies Behind Anger will give you a biblical perspective on the subject. Authors, Neil T. Anderson and Rich Miller are solid in their delivery of Christian principles by addressing subjects like, anger, forgiveness, and how to ask Christ for help. If you have any questions or comments about this topic, please leave them on the site or contact me by email. Be well.
1. Do create a new trend amongst your peers. Just be confident and own it whatever “it” is!
2. Don’t over dress for your child’s baseball game. There are plenty ways to look good without heels and jewelry.
3. Don’t under dress for your cousin’s formal, evening wedding. It’s your time to go all out and glam it up!
4. Do take comfy, stylish clothes for the weekend getaway. Hint: Pieces that mix and match and can be casual or dressed up for a night out are the best choices.
5. Do accept that bag of clothes that your friend wants to give you. You never know what treasures might be among her rejects. On the other hand, if nothing works for you, pass it on to a women’s shelter.
6. Do focus on finding the item you need while shopping. If you need pants, don’t try on every top in the store. I hate buying pants, so I’m guilty of this one.
7. Do set a good example for your daughters. Great fashion sense and appropriate modesty are learned primarily from you.
8. Don’t be a “hoochie mama”. You know what I’m talking about.
9. Do look for cool, geometric print sandals. I found the ones pictured at Target.com for $19.99. They definitely have that WOW factor!
10. Do develop a good relationship with the sales clerks where you shop. You never know when you might need some help or first dibs on a new shipment.
Time…the most precious resource that we have at our disposal. Well, not to say that we should be throwing it away. In fact, we need to rein it in, tame it, and make better use of it. If only there was twenty-five hours in a day, I could do so much more. Maybe it isn’t that we need to do more; maybe we need to find out what is truly important, what is not, and make changes accordingly.
Ideals
I love how so many ads depict families enjoying each other’s company in scenes of splendor in a park or on the beach. We all dream of those special times coming to pass but often lack the “time” or other resources to make it happen. Finding leisure time to relax, whether it is alone or with friends and family, takes planning and even sacrifice if you’re the busy woman so many of us are. Reshaping your schedule to find more time is a key, but, first, you must decide what it is you want to do with the time. A self-locating exercise will help you identify needed change.
Step 1. Write down what you want to do and why. What will you get out of doing more of these things? Try to list them in the order of importance. Don’t work on the whole list all at once; this will only cause frustration.
Step 2. Compare the above list to one that shows what you do with your time now. This list might be a little hard to compile if you don’t really pay attention to your day like most busy moms. It’s go, go, go all the time; you might even have a hard time finding time to do this. Try to keep a diary of your activities for a few days until you get a sense of where you are. You may discover that you don’t do any of the things that you want to. That’s why I’m writing this.
Step 3. After you see how crazy things are, ask yourself, “Can I weed out anything?” I know it’s hard. We might think that by getting all those things done that we are building better, happier lives; in reality, we might be preventing the creation of that beautiful life. “It sounds like a paradox, says Neil Fiore, Ph. D., a psychologist and executive coach in California, and the author of The Now Habit (Penguin Group, $15), “but research shows that to be productive and creative, you must make time for recreation and relaxation. Trying to skimp on them hurts your motivation and often leaks you to procrastinate.” So, take another stab at that list, maybe you can be more ruthless than you thought.
Try these tips to free up some needed time.
- Delegate what you can to your significant other or children. Your offspring need to learn responsibility as well as life skills. Give them the chores that they can accomplish with pride. When they do something well, they will likely want to complete the task again.
- Make house cleaning, car washing, and yard work a family affair. I once made a contest out of Saturday morning cleaning. Whoever got their room done the quickest got a prize. This is your baby; be creative.
- If you can afford outside help, then bring on the maid, lawn service, car wash, or personal assistant. You can make money repeatedly, but you can’t replace time.
Limit distractions from TV, phone, children, and friends while attending to detailed jobs like paying bills and making a grocery list. - If you are among those special women who make lists and schedules and actually stick to them, (by the way I worship you), then you should be able to whip up a new one to create the leisure time you want.
- Learn to let things go a bit. Perfection isn’t really all it’s cracked up to be. It only drives you and your family crazy.
- Keep a “to do” board up somewhere you can see it often. Don’t let this be an unmovable mountain that bogs you down; instead, use it for motivation purposes. Keeping on track is the goal, not making insufferable lists.
- If you have large projects that you dread, break them up into smaller, workable parts. It’s better than putting it off and likely never getting it done.
- Be accountable to yourself and family for things that you are supposed to be doing. Make them accountable to you, as well.
- Write short emails, letters, and texts.
- Plan your week up front. A Blackberry or Franklin planner can be your best friend…or your worst enemy.
- Whatever you do, make time for yourself. If you are tired, sick, or agitated then no one will be happy.
Photo by artistic feet.
Watch and Learn
Each woman on this planet has the responsibility to find a path to her personal greatness. It’s a journey of trial and error at best. Consider a small child when ready to walk, she may not understand the mechanics of her body, or how each joint works together with muscles and bones to make her walk; she does want something on the other side of the room-her goal-so she finds a way to get there. Why doesn’t she just keep crawling, the thing she has done all along? She already knows how to do that. Why does she try to stand, repeatedly fall, and usually hurt herself? The answer lies in the fundamentals of mentorship and leadership. That baby sees people everyday doing that which she feels would be worth doing herself. Her desire to stand, walk, and risk her safety are driven by the need to reach something she wants and to duplicate what she sees others accomplish.
The natural progression of the human existence is fueled by input from a wide variety of sources but usually is most dependent on the structure of some type of family to continue to flourish. It requires an ongoing cycle of watching and doing-a relationship of commitment. Like that child, adults come to milestones periodically and have the need to meet those challenges in order to walk continuously on their path toward greatness. Just because we are grown up doesn’t mean we don’t need family or a family environment to lead us.
Leaders Must Dig Deeper
Just as the young child in the example, women require accurate teaching, gentle correction, patience, love, and someone to know her strengths and weaknesses in order to bring her into healthy adulthood. As if the basics weren’t enough, knowing passions, gifts, and the burdens that lie deep within today’s woman make the mentor’s job even more challenging. But if any type of leader takes shortcuts, the result will be damaging to those taught and possibly even leave them worse off than they were before they encountered the relationship.
Products of Poor Example
For the most part, the structure of businesses, churches, and even families have not made room for this kind of healthy leadership and mentoring role. The product- the adult woman- is consequently immature, void of direction, a place to act out her callings, and the conviction to grow up! Many countries, including America, are producing millions of unfit, misfit, mediocre and discontent women. Some have been doing their jobs, been married, and have parented longer than ten years but have gained little wisdom from the poor examples set before them. Remember the importance of the baby watching her parents walk?
Life Experience
The practice of good leadership has declined in the world all around us. Plumbers, bankers, doctors, nurses, even artists are more often presented great opportunities because they have degrees, not because they have toiled under, watched, and emulated a master of their trade for years before being allowed to be on their own. I’m not saying women shouldn’t get an education; I’m saying that we should seek out real life teaching from those who have been there in addition to what we learn from books.
Leadership Qualities
Good leaders are dynamic, serving, protecting, and selfless. They often handpick their apprentices, not just settle for whoever comes their way. They get into your mind and heart by walking you through the difficult process of absorbing what they have inside of them; they praise your victories, and they correct your mistakes! Most importantly, they don’t abandon their responsibility to demonstrate and to teach you with gentleness, patience, and enthusiasm.
Selfishness
The character flaw that most leaders have today is they think about how actions and effort affect his or her life first, and then maybe consider how they will affect others. On the other hand, the selfless leader is satisfied in knowing that their success hinges on helping others to be successful. If over the history of mankind good leaders had not passed on their knowledge and dedication, you have to wonder if the human race would still exist today.
In reality, those in a leadership position should be looking for their replacement with the intention of duplicating themselves in that person. If they fail to do so, they take a great risk of losing everything they have worked for if something happens to them. A good leader wants those whom they lead to be better and more successful; that way their vision and organization will remain even when they are gone. If we are shown how to succeed by someone who has done it, we can carry on a legacy of their great skill and wisdom and to it add our own.
Competition Blinds
Society teaches us instead to hinder and compete with those who come close to reaching our level of competency. Out of a fierce need to be the best-and let’s face it-just win at everything, we don’t want anyone behind us to pass us, let alone teach us something as they whiz on by. Because of this structure, countless of leaders are shoving gifted, bold, creative women back into the ranks. If we truly want to thrive in our home life, our businesses, and in our spiritual endeavors, something needs to change; mentorship must return, and the envious, selfish ways of today’s leaders must cease. I hope that you find good leaders to follow and that you lead with integrity, grace, and with your heart. Be well.
Photo by LanaMary
My Own Loss
Ten years ago today, I slept on a pull out bed with my husband and children the night we chose to stay at the hospice care facility where my mother spent her last days. There was nothing unusual about the night, nothing to prompt our need to be there anymore than the night before. She was in and out of consciousness and the delirium that clouded her mind. After a 14-month battle with cancer, she was ready to take the last steps of her journey.
Only one prayer came to mind there at the end that I would be there when she passed, by her side, holding her hand, and saying goodbye. Around three in the morning, a strange bell woke me enough that I got up and walked to her bedside. She was long past the days of IV’s and monitors that signaled nurses to come running to her aid; I knew the ringing sound did not come from any medical equipment. Call it a coincidence if you like, but I choose rather to believe it was an answer to my prayer.
Softly, I sat on the edge of her bed and peered down at her face that, even in the dimly lit room, revealed a sense of peace. Her slightly cool hand neither responded to my touch nor did she open her eyes when I spoke to her. I watched her draw on the sweet essence of life one last time; she exhaled her way to the next world with gentle beauty. And, she was gone. It happened just as I had hoped it would, no pain, no fuss, just the two of us in a quiet moment of mutual love and respect.
The Bond
There isn’t a day that goes by I don’t think of her. Just because a girl gets to her forties doesn’t mean she doesn’t need her mother. The bond is there for me, for you, for all of us, unmistakably affecting everything we do as women. It makes no difference what kind of relationship you have or had with your mother, she holds a position in your life that no other person can. Even after her death, she teaches the most profound life lessons.
Honor Her
I chose to share my mother’s passing with you for a reason. Interacting with many women on a daily basis, I see so many of them with despairing relationships with their mothers. They curse them, make fun of them, disrespect them, and even choose to disown them from their lives all together. Moms are certainly not perfect and some even deserve a kick in the ass sometimes, but they don’t deserve our disconnectedness.
Even if you think you hate your mom, you might consider reconciliation before it’s too late. Truth be told, you never know when life will come to an abrupt end for either of you. Thankfully, I had over a year to reconcile differences I had with my mother. We spent hours talking and sharing random thoughts, unrealized dreams, and our worst fears-a time I would not trade for the world. I discovered that nothing was worth alienating someone so important to my life. Unfortunately, sometimes it takes tragedy or adversity to bring people together.
Love Her
said all that to say this, if your mother is living then treat her with the upmost respect. Go to her and love her unconditionally. Make an effort to relate to her on a daily basis if possible. You can always find something to talk about. I’m sure she would love to tell you some interesting details about her past; some of it might even be scandalous! Before my mom died, she revealed some pretty juicy tid-bits from her younger days.
Her Season of Need
If your mother is ill or living in a nursing home, it is even more imperative that you show her your undying love and affection. Her inability to function as a whole person, as your mother, as a needed person in society is hurting her more than you could ever know. This is a great time to visit her regularly, to tell her that you still need her. You might be your mother’s primary care giver as I was for my mom. Make this time special for you both; include memorable, fun activities in your daily grind. Sometimes the silliest things can be the most special. A game of rummy, a pedicure, a Three Stooges marathon; you never know what will remain etched in your mind for the rest of your life.
Cherish Your Children and They Will Cherish You
Because I am a mother of six, two of which are grown, I can honestly say that the adult relationship with your children is highly important. It is there that you recognize your weaknesses and strengths as they were applied to your kid’s lives. They see all that stuff, too, probably even before you do. Some apologies may be in order. If you are a parent, try to keep the communication open between you and your adult offspring. Even though they savor their privacy and the freedom to make their own choices, they need you, too. Just because they don’t live under your roof doesn’t mean you should cut the tether completely.
Final Thoughts
Just remember that this crucial relationship works both ways. You are the daughter, and you are the mother. We all have the opportunity to change lives with our interactions with family. You need them and they need you. Don’t ever take them for granted; they won’t be there forever. Thanks, Mom…I love you always.
I sat in my living room the other day talking to a friend. We got on the subject of mentorship by way of realizing that neither of us had a great example of a loving marriage as we were growing up. I took the thought further by trying to think of any couple that I knew personally who would score an eight or higher in that department. The sad reality was apparent to me. I had never really seen a married couple who permeated happiness much past the initial honeymoon phase. Let alone anyone who had been willing to share openly about their relationship.
Calling All Mentors
This seems so sad to me. I’m thinking, where are the mentors, the teachers, and the ones who show the younger couples how to make it through the tough times? Not to mention, the wise elders who would help young people discover who they are before they go and dedicate their lives to someone else. A little self-analysis and personality profiling with a mentor would do wonders for the future of anyone’s love life.
Getting Started
I think parents, grandparents, and teachers are afraid to get involved in delicate topics, such as, love, sex, and marital problems. Once kids grow up, are out of the house, and well on their way to the altar, it’s almost too late to start preparing them for the reality of marriage. A few words from mom and dad in the bridal room ten minutes before the ceremony are not going to cut it.
The mentoring process needs to start from the beginning. Young children, even babies, need to see a solid example of a loving, happy coupling. When that doesn’t happen, we are damaging their potential for greatness in a future relationship. I’m not saying that I have been the greatest mentor in this area; on the contrary, I know I haven’t. I just want others to think about where they stand in this responsibility.
Honesty: The Best Lesson
It’s never too late to admit that you have been wrong. Children and anyone who looks up to you will respond favorably to sincere honesty and an apology. Talk to young people about your own mistakes; teach them how to avoid the same pit falls before they get to them. They will appreciate your concern and transparency. I remember a meeting from years ago when I was a youth pastor. That particular day, I was to give my personal testimony. It ended up being one of the most endearing times that the group ever had because I was completely honest. I shared a lot of my past (good and bad), feelings, and the fact that I hadn’t really been the best leader for them.
At that time, I was going through some emotional trauma and depression. To admit that I lacked strength was a painful thing. I had been a hypocrite. The lesson that I learned that day was much more powerful than any I had taught them. When I was willing to drop my own pride, I could then be useful to someone else. I began true mentorship by being honest and acting on that honesty.
Individuality: The Paint on the Canvas
Mentorship is an art; each person is responsible for creating his or her own way of teaching the up-and-coming. It has to be this way so future generations can reap from the vast knowledge, artistic flair, and personal experience of their predecessors. Most of us can remember a quirky teacher or coach who stood above the rest. They remain in our thoughts into adulthood because they had a unique ability to relate to and encourage us.
Don’t underestimate the power of your experiences when shared with love and forthright courage. Young people listen if they feel you care about them. If only more people would step up to the plate and send forward a legacy that would make a difference in someone’s life. Mentorship can start today…with you.