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Why Am I Always Angry?

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The thing you need to know about chronic anger is that it potentially has a root in a completely different emotion altogether.  In fact, it’s safe to say that frustration and unfulfilled expectations are more accurately to blame than an out-of-control aggressive personality.  When our needs go unmet for any length of time, we become less able to keep ourselves even keeled and behaving rationally.  This “tilt” of sort is what causes the snippy attitude, the bitch from hell outbursts, and the misfortune demise of your grandmother’s crystal glasses.  I might be exaggerating a little, but you get the point – your mad and you don’t care who knows it or what you break to express it.

Another common cause of perpetual PMS (misdirected anger) is the physical imbalance that can happen when you are constantly under stress or put in situations that are out of control.  If it gets to this point, unstable emotions are the result of insufficient brain chemicals and too much of others.  This isn’t a chemistry or biology lesson, so I’m not going to get into the technical stuff.  I just want you to understand how ignoring an anger issue could potentially be dangerous to your health.

Ask yourself these questions:

1.  How many hours a day are you under stress?

2.  What unfulfilled expectations do you have?

3.  Have you had a recent trauma; such as, divorce, death of a loved one, a move, job change, illness?

4.  What things or activities bring you peace?  How often do you engage in them?

5.  Do you blame others for your problems?  If so, whom?

6.  Are you tired enough of being angry to do some work and overcome it?

After answering these questions, please think about what else might be playing a part in your extreme emotions.  Hold that thought; I will continue with part 2 of Why Am I Always Angry tomorrow.  Until then, be well-be beautiful.

Photo by Gothu

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About Kellie R. Stone

Kellie is a Journey To Purpose Coach and Intuitive Reader who received her certification through Karen Coffey an The Hope of Humanity Foundation. As a writer, her articles have been published on Livestrong.com, All Things Chic, Time Finders Magazine, Successful Life and Living, and many other blogs and e-zines. Her book, “Are You Out of Your Freakin’ Mind?…break mental barriers and live from your sacred creative space” is the first of many to be published.

24 comments

  1. Thank you Kellie.. Yes, thank goodness it diddent erase it. I just finnished reading & studing your “I Dare You To Be You” book. & yes I have done most of the activitys..It was uplifting. Expecially was easier for me, bc My father has had me keep a journal sence I was young. I am so so so so very grateful to have finally found someone whom, not only understands, but whom can help..Thank you again. today was an eye opener. Im calm right now, but cannot promise myself that I wont freak out later, 2morrow, or a week from now. But yes.. this site has been most helpful.

  2. I just poured my heart out on here about being angry & it erased it all, THAT MAKES ME EVEN MADDER………….I NEED HELP IN 29, I do not feel like retyping it all, Why does everysite do this????// I need help & having my emotions erased is not helping

    • Well, thankfully, it did not erase it! I got it all and it’s now live on site. Thank you for sharing your deepest thoughts and concerns with me and my readers. It’s important to be honest with yourself, and you obviously are on the right track by reaching out. Anger is a tricky thing, as you’ve discovered in your life. I’ve suffered from bouts of anger that are debilitating too. When it takes over, it can surprise you and cause despairing emotions of guilt and helplessness. So, when I say I understand, I really mean it. If you can, try to think back precisely when your anger started. You may discover there was an event or highly charged emotional trauma that triggered it. I will email you personally, as I believe I can help you more privately. Thanks again for your life link.

      Kellie

  3. I was very enlightened when reading the opening artical. I am relived to NOT see, (go to a Dr or therapist, or take a pill, or get some “me time”.) because I have done all these things, & they do not work. I was enlightened to know that my anger may be due to unfulfilled expectations. I also need Help. Im angry when I go to sleep , when I wake, thru the whole day, if the phone rings, if someone asks a question that has been awnsered, but wasent paying attention, EVERYTHING MAKE ME MAD. I know I shouldent feel this way. I know how GOOD It feels to be happy, BUT, somehow, Lost it again. Im so sick of feeling like this. it has been going on sence childhood. & I am now 29. I get so upset over nothing that I feel this pulsing circle of pain thru my head, like a bomb went off & all I can hear is this annoying ringing, & it makes me sick/dizzy/& in the past yr have litterally passed out onto the floor & woke up UNaware of what had happend. I have 2 small children, & need to be happy for them & my husband as well as myself. I have no interest in anything anymore. Im not deppressed. I just want to be HAPPY. NOT MAD. just being mad makes me angry. I feel like im on my own,,bc noone get’s why Im like this. My family jokes about it like”ohhh I feel sorry for your husband”,,,WHY? Why do you feel sorry for him? FEEL SORRY FOR ME. Im the one who needs the help.!!!!!!!!!!! everyone always laugh’s it off like OHH just take a Happy pill…YYYEAAAAHHH, if it was that flippen easy, I WOULD. I dont want to RED OUT.. I call them red out’s cause all I feel is my whole body on fire as these rage pulses come over me. & they HURT too. It is not pleasent, I have to sit in a cold dark room to relive the burning. What is wrong with me? & just incase anyone is actually reading this, YES, I am a strong beliver in the Lord. & have a very strong relationship with Him & Jesus. A coupple yrs ago I thaught it was bc I had fallen away from Him, But now the past 7mths, these feelings are back, & IDK why. I refuse to tell family cause they tell me I overexagerate & my parent’s are getting older, I dont want to worrie them. I refuse to tell my friends bc I dont want to. & My Husband is just as confused as me. HELLLLPPPPPPP. PLEASE?

  4. I am always so filled with anger, and I hate it. I think I will lose custody of my two older children because of it. I was severely abused as a child until I was 17. Then I met and married a man who didn’t smack me around so I thought he was great-at first. Turns out he had different ways of being mean. I spent more than a decade being very ill with an immune disease, working all the time, becoming a mom and seeing no happiness within myself. I divorced this man, and had the two boys full time until I moved with my new husband and daughter. Now my boys have stayed with their father half a continent away and I am being accused of child abuse. I never hit my kids, and the accusations made are strange and FALSE. But what I find myself thinking of is how I took my sweet boys for granted. Always in a hurry, always telling them to hurry up. Always barking orders, get this done, be nice to your brother, don’t do that…blahblahblah. And the anger I feel within me and have for so long-why? Why couldn’t I just be happy to be what I always wanted to be-a mom? I had a wonderful gift given to me, and taken away again. I wish I could have been less angry. Stomping around all the time, muttering to myself about how life sucks. I wasn’t like that all the time, but way too much. I kills me, and I still feel anger inside-and most of it now directed at myself. Even my counselor shakes her head in bemusement at my life history and current circumstances. I just don’t know what to do anymore, and I hate the way I feel inside.

    • Your awareness is a step to healing at the core of your being. I understand how difficult it is to deal with personal issues when you have children. I have six. Things haven’t always been perfect and pleasant, but I found out a long time ago, if mom is out of balance, the whole family suffers. Your circumstances aren’t your enemy. Only what is going on deep inside of us can truly hurt us. We make choices based on internal conditions, core beliefs, and the pain or bliss that we feel. Even if we try to be logical and objective, the past can affect all that we do…unless we deal with it and heal completely. Self-improvement is not easy. If is was, everyone would be at peace, love unconditionally, and serve themselves and the world without hesitation.

      The fact is, you can find peace with yourself. It’s up to you. Take one step at a time toward your healing. There is a free report called “I Dare You To Be YOU” that I offer in the right sidebar of this site. Just enter your name and email address, and you will be directed to the download. I’ve been told this report is very powerful for women to find the core of un-serving behavior and challenges. Please read it if you can. And, thank you for your honest contribution to Women’s Creative Life Link.

  5. One thing I forgot to add the psychiatrist said i have a chemical overload that’s why my head hurts at times as if my brain in made from tin and people’s voices are like coins bouncing of my brain. And my anger erupts ever more days before menstration begins I’m unbearable but I can’t control it if only I could : (

  6. Hi my name is Tracey I’m 35 married and a mum.
    I am a very angry frustrated horrible human I’m never happy I’m angry all the time.At night I always say tomorrow is going to be different and I hold alot of guilt due to the way I treat the ones closest to me.I’ve seen a psychiatrist and he wanted me on mood stabilizer but I didn’t take it. I just want to feel happy and at peace but to be honest my life isn’t the way I want it at all. I need change big time yet it never happens my kids seem to be taking after me there always angry so there is another thing I have guilt over I also lost my pop 4 yrs ago and my beautiful mum 2 yrs ago just 1 month before losing my mum I lost my father inlaw.as a child I had bad things happen to me I also have a father that doesn’t talk to my sister and I and If he does it only when he’s of his face. My
    Sisters and I have chosen better lives for ourselves I have a good husband good kids a mortgage but I’m
    Still miserable and angry all the time what do I do?? I don’t want to take drugs to stabelise my
    Moods I want to do it natural. I honesty can say I hate the person I am and everytime I promise myself change I end up having a worse day that day because I’m more angry I couldn’t stick To my
    Promise

    • Hi Tracey,
      It really seems like you want to make some changes in your life. That is your first step to joy and happiness. It also seems like the circumstances of your life are overwhelming you to the point you can’t seem to find a way to do that. I found a little trick along my path that enables me to get through tough times. I focus on what I want to happen instead of what I don’t. It’s like eating a bowl of ice cream when you have sensitive teeth. Even though the cold makes you uncomfortable, you choose to focus on how yummy the ice cream tastes and how satisfying it is. Does that make sense? You have many things to be thankful for and that do have the potential to bring you joy if you let them…like marriage and children.

      Anger is a result of suppressed emotions, like fear and frustration. When you figure out that it is YOU that stands in your way of true joy, you will be on your way to a new perspective on life. People will always disappoint you and hurt you. Life is just that way sometimes. So, instead of trying to change others and situations, change your mind and focus on what you want out of life. YOU can do this!

  7. thanks for your candidness, i believe that my life is likely 75% stress because of work. Not much i can do about that, what I’d like is to have the energy to fix my other issues, like weight, getting in shape, quitting smoking. then again maybe I have a borderline personality problem like my daughter has

    • Thanks for you honest comment. Stress is a killer when it comes to controlling your emotions. What I’ve realized is that we do have the power to control our feeling. It’s a choice that we have to make in every situation. I’ve experienced complete indifference in some bad times and being aware of how I feel, and choosing to “feel” a different way, works amazingly.

  8. Omg this makes so much sense. To much stress and I need to have my quite time more often. Thank you

  9. You are spot on.
    Every single day, I can help but feel anger surround me.
    And you are perfectly correct, the underlying problem is the frustration I feel and the expectatiosn that are never met.
    I’m in Uni right now, doing something that I wanted to do all my life, but turns out I hate.
    I have so much family pressure, and there seems no option in life but to succeed.
    I’m a big procrastinator in studying, I absolutely hate it now as for the first time I failed last year, walking out way early because I had an anxiety attack and couldn’t even write anything down.
    Everything is a vicious cycle, I hate abhor studying, I hate all the expectations that I fail, and all I can do is try and read to calm down. And that makes me not do everything else, so its more vicous cycle where I get mad because I haven’t done anything.

    But thank you though, I now know where my anger comes from, and why I can only seem to exist and be happy when I read.

    • Thanks for your honesty. Anger is a normal emotion but can really throw your life off if it goes unchecked. One thing I do is ask myself and the universe “What can I do to change this?” A more common question we ask is “Why?” Unfortunately, this one isn’t as productive. We may never know the “why” of things, but we can understand ourselves and what motivates us to change our mind and character.

      Let me know if there is anything else I can do to help.

  10. I dont get angry i get livid. School is a big issues, it is extremely stressful. Also i am applying to dental school this summer which puts so much pressure on me that i tend to imagine my car flipping over a bridge and me dyeing whenever im driving. (and a numerous of other scenarios). Im 21 years old and i feel like im 41. I have been going to college and if not school then working for my parents. My mother believes i will get into dental/grad school without a problem and that everything is good. Even though i need to increase my GPA once again study 5 hrs a day + work over the summer in order to ace the entrance exams and look forwards to 4 more years of grueling school work (IF) i get accepted to dental/grad school… And i dont even want to go to dental school, yet i have my current major (the one my mom picked out, chemistry) i have no experience in lab work or volunteering (bc according to my parents that’s working for free)… and how will hire me without any experience… I understand my parents want me to come home, but there are weekends that i need to study non-stop for exams and cannot just be walking around a mall with my mom… I understand that she supports me, but im sick of hearing every single time how im a spoiled brat and if it werent for her i would have nothing. If im not angry im sad, if im not sad im lonely.. there is always some sort of negativity surrounding me and i have no idea what to do about it.

    • Hi Monika,

      Thank you for your candid life link. First, I want to tell you that your feelings are perfectly understandable. At your age you want to be free and make your own decisions in life. You want to pursue your passions and express yourself openly. It is a time of self-discovery and making lots of mistakes as well. On the other hand, as a mom, I understand wanting the best for your children. However, I don’t agree with the control that your parents seem to have over you. It’s sounds like you need to be honest with them and tell them that they need to give you some space to figure out want you want. Pursuing a dental career without having a passion for it could be disastrous.

      Monika, you have to be the one to make your future. Ask yourself these questions: What am I passionate about? What is the most important thing to me: money, relationships, success, joy…etc.? If I could do or be anything, what would it be?

      Let me know if I can help any further.

      Kellie

  11. i m always angry at my boyfriend even though he does nothing to make me angry.i m waiting for a serious ation from him since 1 year almost(proposal).i m scared to lose him with what m doing

    • Randa,

      I don’t know your situation, but it sounds like the anger might be about something besides your boyfriend. I dealt with this for years and found out that it was a deeper emotional issue with myself that caused my constant anger. Let me know if I can help further.

  12. I always get Angry and get pissed off! so fast over things that I take wrong My husband tells me that your so mean for being only 4 foot 9!! I don’t know why I take things so personal

  13. Great topic really! I think it is definitely something I could benefit from!!

  14. This really makes you self evaluate. My theory…if you’re always angry, it’s time to change your routine. By routine, I don’t just mean actions, but thoughts…time to look at things differently.

    Great post!

    ~melody~

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