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You’ve lived through the warning signs that your marriage is in trouble. You’re done snapping at each other and being miserable. It’s time to make a new plan. But, you ask yourself, “Where did things go wrong” in an attempt to understand. The thing is, marriages and long-term relationships tend to go downhill over the course of time, so it can be difficult to pinpoint exactly when the decline started. However, when you do acknowledge that things are just not working well, and you’ve done all that you can, it’s time to consider ended things. Here are 3 things you can do to stay emotionally healthy before and during a divorce.
Get Counseling or Coaching
Many marriages fall apart due to a lack of passion or a breakdown in communication. Because of the emotional investment, you both have in the situation, hiring a specialist who deals with marriage breakups may be wise. He or she will offer you a safe and constructive environment in which you can discuss your feelings, frustrations, and hopes for the future. Simply opening up about non-verbalized feelings and concerns could help you move forward.
Take Care of Yourself
Divorce is one of the most stressful events life can hold. On top of deep emotional trauma and even guilt, you must deal with dividing assets and how the children will be cared for. This is a time that many people lose track of any normalcy and can even lose sight of self. It’s important to continue any effort to stay physically fit and healthy. Sickness and fatigue could make a difficult situation even harder.
Be mindful of your mental and emotional health, as well. Leave the sticky details to your divorce lawyer to avoid misunderstandings and added stress. It takes a lot of strength and mental agility to get used to a new set of circumstances. This is a loss, so don’t feel guilty about grieving it. Take the time you need to be alone, but don’t allow yourself to become too isolated. Call on friends and family to keep you company and for a shoulder to cry on. Allow yourself to take breaks, see a therapist, and treat yourself well. You can get through it, but you need to go easy on yourself.
Don’t Get Bitter
No matter how hurt you and your ex-partner are, try to keep communications cordial. It makes the whole process go far more smoothly and reduces the pain you both have to experience. While you don’t have to be best friends, allowing your communication to become passive aggressive, or just outright aggressive, isn’t constructive and will only create more problems. This is doubly important if there are children involved, as they’re struggling to process the changes in their lives, as well. Watching their parents fight and bicker creates conflicting emotions and makes it far worse for them. It’s, of course, easier said than done, but if you can keep your communication with your ex-partner friendly, you will be happier for it.
A failing marriage is a really difficult and upsetting time in anyone’s life. Regardless of what happens, be sure to call on your friends and family for support. Just remember that you are strong and that you can get through this.