***This post was contributed and may contain affiliate links. Even the happiest of marriages and relationships can have occasional issues. Few people abstain from lovers quarrels, and those who do may be bottling up their feelings instead. Even if you always make up after you argue, some things you fight about can still go unresolved. This leads to resentment and growing problems. Arguing too much without getting anywhere or pretending all is well does not serve anyone. Here are my top 4 healthy resolution tactics for relationship issues.
Healthy Resolution Tactics for Relationship Issues #1: Have a System
Creating a system you can use to work through an issue can be very helpful to keep things civil and positive. For example, you might agree that both of you get to present your point of view before any debating begins. You could even try both writing out your problems and each read the other’s out loud. This helps to remove unnecessary emotion from your words which can elevate an argument to an explosive level. I also find it helpful to go to a neutral location away from the home, so you both feel relaxed and aren’t tempted to answer the phone, deal with children, etc.
Healthy Resolution Tactics for Relationship Issues #2: Use a Mediator or Counselor
When you feel like your partner isn’t really hearing or understanding what you’re saying, it can be very frustrating. However, having another person there to help both of you remain calm and diplomatic can serve in some cases. This is why many couples go to a marriage counselor when things get rocky or a divorce mediator when it’s time to end the relationship. A mediator or counselor can act as an in-between who isn’t on anyone’s side but can help you see each other’s perspectives. He or she can often put what you’re thinking or feeling into words that the other will receive and understand.
Healthy Resolution Tactics for Relationship Issues #3: Calm Down Before Discussing Problems
One of the worst things for a relationship is only discussing your issues when you’re angry. While a bit of passion can be a good thing, it’s difficult to resolve anything when you’re arguing through a fog of anger and frustration. You might end up raising your voice or even saying unkind things. If you want to improve your conflict resolution skills, allow yourself and your partner time to calm down before a discussion. Don’t chase down each other if one of you has said they need time to themselves for a bit.
Healthy Resolution Tactics for Relationship Issues #4: Don’t Forget to Make Up
After discussing your issue and coming up with a plan to solve it, take some time to make up. Share some reasons why you love each other and are together. Affirming these core sentiments strengthens your foundation and assures that, no matter what, you still love each others. If you have talked out your problem but still feel like there is more to say, set a time to work on it more.
There’s nothing wrong with arguing with your partner, but try to resolve conflicts in healthy ways. Be kind to each other, even when you’re mad. This will always build a stronger relationship, as opposed to tearing it apart with harsh, inappropriate words.