Family And Friends

There are plenty of books out there that deal with how to tell your kids about sex, the dangers of promiscuity, how their bodies are changing, and protection. Talking with your daughter about the pleasures of sex is a whole other matter. How do we discuss the fact that it’s fun, adventurous, and meant to be shared? My goal here is to help you along, not to hand you a speech. I’ll cover some of the subjects you may not have even thought of as a teen but which our kids may be facing in school and on the internet.

Though I'm not claiming to be an expert in child development, I think having and raising 6 children (3 of which are grown, successful women) puts me in the ball park to at least give a little advice. Raising 5 girls has been a life-changing experience for me. I've seen my strengths and, of course, my weaknesses as they impact my girls. Over the years I've realized there are certain things that girls need to know in order to be strong, happy women. Here are my top 5 lessons to teach your daughter (preferably before she gets to college).

I am a mother. I have 3 little people. Two daughters and one son; ages 9, 7 and 5 respectively. I have a mother, and I have a mother-in-law. I also still have a living grandmother. So what is a mother? If we refer to the dictionary the definition is concise - a ‘female parent’. But how do we do it and what are our expectations of being a mother? What about having a mother? Surely it’s more than being a female parent. It’s about the nurturing, the teaching, the sharing, the guidance and the companionship. There are many books penned on just the issues of how to be a better mother and how to deal with the position of being a mother.

It's Mother-Daughter week and it is also “Triggers” week in my group therapy. Coincidence? I think not. The kicker – my mother (whom I do not have a relationship with) recently contacted me on Facebook. It’s funny when you start making changes in your life, the little things that you try to ignore, rear up their ugly heads. What would the old me do?

From the moment I knew you were inside my womb, I dreamed of how beautiful you would be, how smart, and how loving to the world around you. Your first cry marked the beginning of your incredible journey of life in a world that isn't always kind or loving back. So with the amazing joy I felt at that instant, a fear also gripped my heart. I was afraid of losing you. Every mother feels this bittersweet tug of war in her spirit. I also feared that I would somehow not be a good mother to you, that I would monumentally screw up your life in some obscure way.

I had an epiphany the other day, and I have been unable to shake it, so I thought I might share it with you.

Hi all, I've experienced a grand scale of emotions, events, and dilemmas as a parent of six children, especially now that three of them are teens still at home, and one of them is only 2.5 years old. Yes, you could say my life is interesting, crazy, and even a little stressful. One of the strangest things is having to think about all the different things that they each of them need, like my two teen girls will likely need prom dresses here soon; my 13-year-old son needs baseball garb; and my youngest is itching for one of the outdoor playsets that make home...well, more like the park. That's a lot to think about and plan for, even for the most experienced of moms.

I was reminded today about how lucky I was that my two oldest children (now adults) were not high-strung, rebellious, down-right nasty, or any of those negative personas that make any woman reconsider her motherly throne. But that was like a million years ago.

You know how they say you thrive in the areas of your life on which you focus most of your attention? I was thinking about how much energy we moms put into the lives of our children.

As far as me, I'm thankful for all of the incredible opportunities that have flown through my door as of late. Desires that I had months and even years ago are coming to pass right before my eyes.

As parents, we often worry about our choices that concern our children, what form of discipline to use, how to tell them about sex, how much independence to give. It's a never-ending challenge to balance the good with the bad. Though all of these things and much more are important, I find myself thinking about something completely different...

"Are you like your mother?"was bold and loud in my mind as I opened my eyes. For some of you that inquiry might provoke some angry feelings or at least a nonchalant eye roll. A few of you might be beaming with pride to know that, yes, you are just like your mother. But, for most, you are like me, knowing that you have carried on some of mom's negative traits as well as some good ones.

For some making friends (and keeping them) comes easily, and for others it seems to be a daunting chore that never seems to happen. Today, I was thinking about all of the people in my life whom I consider to be my friends, how we met, and how we continue to grow (or not) in our relationships. Have I been a good friend? Yes and no...nobody is perfect.

I woke up this morning with an epiphany about relationships. Well, I guess it wasn't really anything new to me, just a reminder of something that I discovered years ago. I've been having a little trouble finding common ground with one of my children lately. So much so that it's concerning. The answer came to me as I lay there thinking about getting out of bed. "You are not giving her love in the way she receives it," my inner voice chimed.

Girl friends help me to see the other side, alternatives, and ways to tackle the issue. Personally I receive girl friends as precious gifts from God. They have given me love, companionship, strength, confidence, peace, and joy! (Not to mention the shoulder massages!)