“Good communication is just as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after.” Anne Morrow Lindbergh
I met my husband through the online dating site Match.com. I don’t remember his profile or the emails before we met up for our first date (I must have liked something I read but can’t recall any of it). What I do remember was the long conversation we had over drinks and how we stayed at the restaurant until closing. Next, we went back to my house (I had a roommate and knew if things got weird I’d still be safe) and talked the night away until we both fell asleep on my couch. Without skipping a beat, we continued the date with breakfast and more great conversation over coffee.
This easy ability to talk to him about anything and everything was what originally made me stay interested in my husband. Nothing was off. It is rare to find someone to whom you can willingly bare your soul within days of meeting. I didn’t feel awkward or judged (of course, this might have something to do with my “I don’t give a damn” attitude). The conversation flowed easily and unhurried, but it changed over the next two years.
After an interestingly heated discussion over one simple question he asked me, I realized our communication was not as easy going as it once was. Completely my fault- I have a hard time discussing my emotions and thoughts with someone whom I truly care about. I was nervous talking to my own husband, the father of my two children, the love of my life. His opinion me meant so much to me that I was afraid of wording something wrong or upsetting him while we were thousands of miles apart.
My reaction to his simple question was, unfortunately, the first thing that popped into my head. I sent him a simple, short email that said “Go F*** yourself. I love you, but I don’t like you right now”. I’m embarrassed by my reaction and that one short email. I realized after I cooled down that my communication skills were on vacation (somewhere warmer for winter). I needed to work on finding the balance we had when we first met.
My husband and I had a long discussion about what had happened. I agreed with him that I bottled up my emotions (anger and fear) because I cared too much about his thoughts and reactions. We now make a point of discussing everything, even the silly day to day stuff. I learned (again) that communication is something that both spouses/partners must work on every single day or it will break down over time. I’m happy to say that we can once again stay up all night talking and enjoying every single moment of it. We were lucky to recapture the spark that first brought us together.