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Is A Lack Of Self-Confidence Holding You Back?

Social situations and venturing into new territory with work or relationships is something we all face.  And do you know what? It isn’t always easy, especially if you lack self-confidence. I’ve found that what really holds women back is the cross between owning their personal value and putting way too much emphasis on what others think of them. Gaining enough courage to meet new people or ask the boss for a raise takes time and you do have to try. That means being willing to risk rejection or getting results that are not ideal for you. This can be a trial and error process. BTW, I thought it would be fun to let some beautiful felines decorate today’s post! 

Getting Unstuck

cat-164426_640The thing about being stuck or held back is that you have to do something different in order to move forward. This can be the scariest thing of all…the land of the unknown. This is the time when you must focus on what you want or need instead of the discomfort you feel. Like this: you might just want to feel a valued part of a group and for people to listen to you. The reality is that people probably already value you and would listen if you put yourself out there more. In this case, it could be your self-doubt that creates the barrier to your need. After you decide what you want, it is time to make a plan that includes doable steps. Even with a plan, you might end up feeling anxious, or tongue-tied, and worried that you’ll say or do the wrong thing. That’s OK. Part of learning to deal with anxiety, especially in social situations, is working out strategies to cope.

Again, chances are that no one thinks poorly of you. Ask yourself what you are really feeling and try to pinpoint when these feelings started. You may discover that you have some baggage from the past still trying to follow you. Regardless of what you discover, your fear is real. And, remember, you are not alone. You would be surprised how many people you might regard as being supremely confident experience moments of self-doubt. They’re just really good at hiding it. In fact, a loud or brash personality is frequently embraced as a way to cover up self-esteem issues. The important thing is to explore who you are and express her.

The True Power of Self-Confidence

cat-1044750_640Self-empowered comes when you start believing in what is possible. Confidence follows when you take chances and you see that things do work out. Granted, maybe not exactly as you thought they would, but maybe even better. We grow in confidence by overcoming the hurdles that life puts in our way, not by standing on the sidelines. Each step you take is a victory. The alternative to moving is not really acceptable if you want to live a fulfilling life. You could end up holding yourself back, and not fulfilling your potential. One of my favorite quotes is by a good friend and colleague, Lisa Marie Rosati. She said, “Imperfect action trumps inaction every time.” I try to live by this motto every day.

So why do some women find it so hard to have a little self-belief? Why do they suffer from such poor levels of self-confidence? There are many different reasons, and, unfortunately, there’s no simple answer. For some, it may be rooted in childhood. Being belittled or bullied can continue to have an impact into adulthood. A seemingly insignificant comment by one person can lead to a life full of self-doubt. The power of words should never be underestimated. Truthfully, if you have low self-confidence, it is important to work on it. Your effort will also show your children how empowering believing in yourself can be. Your example is always the most powerful thing, but you can also do more. Try following tips just like these http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/parenting/child-rearing-and-development/12-ways-help-your-child-build-self-confidence

Take a New Picture of Yourself

cat-697113_640Some women have a whole lot of doubt about how they look. If they are unhappy with their appearance, they may not be as confident as someone who likes what they see in the mirror. Oh, hell, we all have things about our appearance we don’t like! I find that focusing on at least one thing that I like about myself every day helps me to stay off of the self-degrading band wagon. But, unfortunately, many women can’t seem to find their happy place in the mirror and are set on having cosmetic surgery procedures. And, though, this approach may not be for everyone, it is one way to elevate your self-esteem in this area. I encourage each woman to consider all pros and cons before receiving any procedure. Do your research about other less invasive alternatives before going forward. Also, take a look and see what each procedure actually does. A great example is the “before and after” shots at sites such as http://facialaestheticsurgery.com/photo-gallery/rhinoplasty-gallery/

The Confidence Journey

cat-1285634_640As human beings,  we gain a feeling of self-efficacy as we master skills and achieve goals that we feel are important. We often compare ourselves to our peers and people we have things in common with. It’s the fundamental confidence in the fact that if we work hard at something, we’ll be successful. It’s this type of positivity that makes people keen to be persistent and accept challenges out of their comfort zone. Tips you can find on pages like  http://thinkbrilliantly.com/6-steps-to-extending-your-comfort-zone-for-greater-success  can help you push your boundaries.

Truth is, we have a right to be happy. A part of that happiness may include gaining approval from others, which is something out of our control. That’s why we have to be able to see our worth all by ourselves. Relying on others to dictate our value and level of confidence is a form of self-sabotage and abuse. Imagine a woman who always makes choices based on what others think of her or her endeavors. BAM…that’s a punch to the gut and to self-confidence. This is when negativity can creep in.

There are many methods to building self-confidence, some I have already mentioned. Here is a recap and a few more tips: Set achievable goals. Take baby steps. If you feel competent and can meet your own expectations, you’ll move forward. Positive thinking is invaluable, and having what you believe in in front of you at all times works wonders. If you still find it hard to get out of your rut, try the fake it til you make it approach. Affirmations are a brilliant way to help retrain your brain into a more confident frame of mind. Though these things may not be your cup of tea, give them a try for a couple of weeks and see what happens. I’m guessing you will sense a new you rising up! 

About Kellie R. Stone

"I make no excuses for my diverse roles as a Rock Your Feminine Type Coach™ and Branding Expert, best-selling author, and crime thriller novelist. Yes, I do still chuckle a bit at the irony. I kick ass as a women’s biz coach by day and kill off vulnerable fiction characters at night. What the hell, it makes for some interesting dreams. I believe that everyone should pursue their passions no matter how out there they seem to be. One of those pure heart-fluttering passions for me has always been writing. Since I did, indeed, chase my dream of being a writer, I've published two non-fiction books in the self-development genre, co-authored an international best seller, and now I'm finally pushing my much-too-old-to-be-in-the-nest novel out the door and into the world. My whole world is empowering and I adore showing others how to live life unfiltered, whether I do that through the written word or my coaching work. I love my job!" ~Kellie R. Stone

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