Regardless of how long you have been married, it’s always valuable and helpful to assess how things are going. Achieving (and keeping) a healthful marriage can be challenging and can often take a significant amount of time and effort. Of course, above all, communication must be consistent and frequent. I recommend taking the time to first evaluate where you are in your relationship and then ask these important marriage assessment questions.
Important Marriage Assessment Questions #1: Do You Have Enough In Common?
If you have been drifting apart as of late, this first question may shed some light on it. It’s important to create some things to do together that you both enjoy if you haven’t been spending enough time together. This is an opportunity to expand your connection and discover new things about each other.
Additionally, do you share common beliefs, values, and goals? These things can be extremely important for simply relating to each other on a daily basis. Other deeper cultural and religious ideals may play an even greater role in keeping you close. For example, a Christian woman may not be able to enter stay in a Muslim Marriage happily or visa-versa. There may simply be too many differences that could cause conflict between the two or with family.
Important Marriage Assessment Questions #2: Do You Spend Enough Time Apart?
It might sound strange, but most modern healthy relationships allow for some time spent apart. Maybe being away from each other during work time is enough for you both. However, for some, this is not sufficient to take care of personal things or recharge from their day. Couples who have been together for a long time tend to get used to the other being around and can feel uncomfortable when their partner is gone. This can actually lead to a form of co-dependency. For this reason, it’s important to ask yourself and your partner what needs you both have to be alone or with other people.
I personally think that time apart helps to keep things fresh and alive. After all, it’s good to “miss” your partner sometimes. Even if it’s hard to be apart for long periods, distance can enhance your communication and allow you to plan some special time together when you reunite.
Important Marriage Assessment Questions #3: Are You Both Direct & Honest?
Though a tough question to ask if you’re not an open person, this one can serve your relationship the most. Hiding things from your spouse can ultimately destroy what connection you do have. This doesn’t have to be anything scandalous either. Simply hiding feelings, bad events at work, and health problems can create a wall between you both. One thing to consider is how you would feel if your spouse hid some of these things from you. Then ask yourself what you might be concealing.
If neither of you is as honest as you could be, consider working toward a common goal. If you or your spouse have hidden anything serious, consider talking to a counselor or mediator to help bridge the gap. Also, keep in mind that everyone has secrets that have nothing to do with their spouse. I don’t believe it’s necessary to share everything with another person unless you feel it will deepen your relationship or help you in some way.