Tag Archives: Self-Evaluation
Welcome to Introspective Sunday
Today’s topic is one that affects every person on this planet: discouragement and frustration. In a quest to understand why we experience these negative emotions, I discovered three things: 1) We must accept that it’s normal to feel bad when things don’t go well (a prerequisite for being born a female). 2) It’s important to know what causes these feelings (your child got an F, the cat peed on your new leather purse, or the traffic on your blog sucks; just a few examples I thought worthy to mention). 3) We must overcome them for mental, emotional, and spiritual health (no, the Debby Downer Club is not for you).
The Nature of a Woman
Women, especially, experience these troubling emotions when they see the ones they love hurting or in trouble. Our natural instinct to nurture and protect can be overwhelming; we are left wondering why no one sees our undying effort to make things better – can’t they just stop screwing up already? And, when we can’t change things quickly enough, it puts us into a heightened sense of frustration; I believe this is called motherhood or PMS.
Additionally, our own aspirations (finishing the book you started in 2007, finally getting the house decorated the way you want it, eating dinner while it’s still hot) may be put on a back burner in order to attend to the needs of others. Both circumstances bring a sense of self-doubt and create a gully between us and our desires. Did anyone see the bridge?
The normalcy of discouragement doesn’t mean that you should allow it to reserve the presidential suite, stretch out on the Egyptian cotton, and order room service. When you feel it coming on, just put out the “No Vacancy” sign. In other words, deal with it up front; don’t wait for negativity to grow roots.
Consider this, as well: There could be a destructive pattern of self-sabotage that needs to be addressed before you can move on (this was one of my issues). When I realized that I kept doing the same really stupid things and reacting in the same really stupid way, I could then avoid the tendency for insane repetition and move forward.
“The most essential factor is persistence – the determination never to allow your energy or enthusiasm to be dampened by the discouragement that must inevitably come.” ˜James Whitcomb Riley
The nature of these negative emotions is that of a roller coaster. You find yourself experiencing them sometimes (the dips); just as you find yourself overcoming (the hills). When we know that they are temporary, we can find our way to the next hill sooner and with greater momentum. Remember, every situation will pass at some point.
Key Points to Overcoming
• Recognize the emotions (Patterns?) • Realize they are temporary • Change what you can and let the rest go • Seek out encouraging people • Focus on past victories • Make the appropriate changes
Keeping a positive outlook will bring you your heart’s desire more quickly than dwelling on your disappointments. Speak out what you want to happen and visualize yourself enjoying the victory. This is powerful. Overcoming discouragement and frustration is just another facet of character building. Ultimately, we become better women, mothers, wives, sisters, daughters, and friends when we allow ourselves to gracefully pass over the gully. The other side is there waiting, and it’s glorious!
Help Someone Else
Please share a story about how you overcame a discouraging or frustrating situation. We truly are encouraged by the victories of others. Be well-be beautiful!
Photo by Borufka
With the “no surgery face lift” series this week, I thought I would ask you ladies what you would change about your faces if you could. Please share your wish list with us. Personally, I would change the width of my nose. A little more definition (less point) and a narrower bridge would be great. However, it’s not bad enough for me to actually get surgery. I’m sort of a chicken, and I don’t like the idea of someone hacking on my face. Now, if I ever broke my nose, that would be different.
Also, if you have had any plastic surgery already, please share your story with us. You can send us before and after photos if you like, and with your permission, we will post them.
Photo by Thorajadeaun
The Wake-up Call
This week has been one of self-evaluation for me. I attended two health/anti-aging seminars that absolutely shattered my delusional mind-set that I was actually healthy. It’s like the denial that comes when you know that you’ve gained weight but think if you don’t get on the scale it won’t be true. Well, I was doing that with my state of health.
I know that I’m better than some but worse than others. But it’s not about comparing yourself to anyone else. We all have to work out our lives, including our heath and fitness levels, with almost a selfish attitude. We must choose daily to do the right things for our bodies…no matter what.
At one of the seminars, I was introduced to LiveStrong.com. I was extremely impressed with the detailed information and technology available at no cost to anyone who wants to be healthier. Please visit the site; you kind of have to see it for yourself. Anyway, I am going to use the site to help track my progress in some food and fitness areas.
At the other seminar, I had a scan done that checked the body’s carotenoid level (working antioxidants). It was not pretty. A low score means Kellie needs to work on some things.
My Quest: The 90 Day Health Challenge
I have dared myself to be a better example to my family and to you, my readers. Over the next several months and beyond, I am going to hopefully undo some of the bad habits I have accumulated over the past year since the birth of my daughter. This self-challenge includes my blogging about my progress and any set backs that I may have. My goals are the following:
- Detox
- Lose 10 pounds
- Increase Cardiovascular endurance
- Increase my Cartenoid score every month
- Tone and strengthen weak muscles (especially abdominal)
- Reduce headaches (or irradicate them altogether) =)
- Create a better healthy lifestyle for myself and my family
- Help others do the same
This Week’s Goals
• First, I need to detox by drinking more good water, getting some colonics, and drinking fresh juices.• Second, I need to get on some absorbable supplements. I will share more about this when I start them.
• Third, I need to eat more raw foods.
I Dare You To Join Me
I will share a part of my own journey to better health every Saturday for the next 3 months so I am accountable to you. Please join me in this important quest. Let me know if you plan to take my “90 Day Health Challenge” so we can support each other. Be well.
***For personalized help with your own 90 Day Challenge, please contact Donna Martelli, Dr. Terri Hawkins-Fox, or Dr. Anca Lamse.
Photo by Dxiqleena
A Feel-Good Emotion
Have you ever wondered why you feel more alive when you are looking forward to something. It could be the family vacation, a long awaited reunion with an old friend, or something as simple as getting a facial. I’ve often found that a heightened level of anticipation brings a happiness that isn’t found through any other source.
The Science of Anticipation
Anticipation or being enthusiastic, is an emotion involving pleasure (and sometimes anxiety) in considering some expected or longed-for good event, or irritation at having to wait. Robert Plutchik listed anticipation as one of the eight basic emotions in his psychoevolutionary theory. In Carroll Ellis’ book The Psychology of Emotions, she states that “your emotions affect your body, mind, and virtually every aspect of your existence.” If this is true, we have to consider the implications that strong emotions (good or bad) can actually change our health, looks, and even the aging process.
She continues to explain that strong emotions cause electrical brain response, circulatory changes, and the secretion of hormones like serotonin and epenephorin. When we anticipate something wonderful, we are creating a new energy in our bodies. One that has the ability to bring life-giving changes and repairs to areas that need attention. Just imagine how the mental planning of happy events every day would change your body’s overall health. The possibilities are staggering.
It makes sense that the clinically depressed don’t feel the happy emotions that others do because their bodies have shut down that part of the brain that looks forward to upcoming events. The brain is not firing the normal amount of “feel-good” hormones. Those individuals have lost interest in their futures and the events that most enjoy and look forward to. That is why they are depressed.
Anxiety: The Negative Opposite
On the flip side of happy anticipation is anxiety. You know that horrible feeling in the pit of your stomach that can literally immobilize you. Just as excitement brings a jolt of health to your body, anxiety can equally harm with an overabundance of negative hormones like cortisol. The stress of anxiety is also marked by pre-mature aging and weight gain- two side-effects that most women would do just about anything to avoid. So how do we avoid the negative? It’s easy; stop thinking about what you fear and think about what brings you joy!
Bring Anticipation to the Forefront
Think about all of the things that you look forward to. Make a mental effort to purposefully make them a part of your day until they come to pass. I’m not just talking about the things you know will come next week or even next month; I’m also referring to the far future events like your daughter’s wedding, retirement, and being a hip granny. Visualize them the way you want them to go. In doing this, you will always have the physical and mental benefits of anticipation. Please tell us about something that you are looking forward to and how it makes you feel. Be well ladies.
Resources: The Psycology of Emotions, by Carroll Ellis, Wikipedia
Photo by Lynzee34
Honored Relationships
We all want a relationship where we feel fully loved, deeply understood, and deeply valued, and where we walk the journey in complete harmony with another. Many times we are looking to the other person to provide us with what we want and need, when in truth, we simply mirror that in which we give. We often have the idea that when the perfect person comes around, we will begin to be on our best behavior, and that we will change when we meet him or her.
The Boomerang Effect
The universal law is that we attract those who are similar in the energy we are projecting at any given time, which means – if we want another to be attentive, patient, non-judgmental, open in communication, and understanding, it’s best to work on ourselves first, and every moment thereafter.
Changing the Life Script
Many have issues from a painful childhood that they have never addressed; they continue to draw others to them that re-create a similar, yet usually safer, environment in order to work these same issues out. It’s as if they continue the same script with different actors and actress until they finally deal with the hurt, anger, and the pain that is being suppressed. In order for love to be strong and lasting, it must come out of wholeness and not out of emptiness. When one expects the other to fill the void that is within them, the relationship is drained rather than shared. When the other no longer feels like the most important person, does not feel needed, wanted, appreciated, loved and accepted for who they are, than they move away on every level.
Going Through the Motions
If the physical level is still shared, than it is done so out of resentment and not out of love and compassion. There are also those that have had the best of intentions that have created a love affair with their work, and the enticement came from keeping score financially. They are an expert at making that relationship work because it has not demanded anything from their heart, just their soul.
After many years we often see one questioning the warmth that it provided and whether or not those that they surround themselves with understand them. They begin to step out from their work relationship and question what was thought to have worked so well before. The outcome of their actions is the rippling effect they are feeling at the present. That is not to say that one is right or wrong, or one way is better than another – it is a matter of choice.
The Woman in the Mirror
We create the situation that we are in at the moment, and many times we wonder why we are here. If we want to change the situation that we are in, we must begin by working on ourselves and not be concerned about changing everyone around us. When we begin to change our perception, our values, and that which we project to those around us than we create a more conscious environment - one that we are often more comfortable in. We then have an understanding of where we are at with our relationships and ourselves – only then can we open our hearts and truly love, and allow others to love us in return.
If you have allergies than you know what it’s like to have perpetually swollen and stuffed-up sinuses. It’s not pleasant; you can’t breathe; and you look (bloodshot eyes, red nose, blotchy skin) and sound (gravelly voice, lack of brain activity) like you just got up when actually you’re well into your day. So, Kellie, what do chronic allergy symptoms have to do with spiritual growth? Glad you asked.
Stuck, Stagnant, and Spiritually Dead
It dawned on me today that when we are not spiritually and emotionally sound, we can’t be our best – the women that we are meant to be. You know, like when your allergies are acting up; you don’t put your best foot forward because you’re too busy blowing your nose and trying to breathe – nothing feels right. This is the equivalent of being emotionally stuck in second gear; you can’t seem to get where you want to go at the speed you need to get there.
Flushing Out the Garbage
After using my Neti Pot the other day, I realized how much better I felt – how much clearer not only my sinuses were but my mind as well. The flushing of my nasal cavity brought clarity and opened me up for the activities that I’d been avoiding (housework, playing with my children, exercise). With the pressure gone I could again participate in the things that usually brought pain otherwise.
Then I started thinking about what events bring emotional clarity – the kind of clarity that brings freedom. My analytical mind came to the conclusion that when we are spiritually grounded, we are more open to experiencing emotions, engaging in healthy relationships, and journeying toward wholeness – the emotional “Neti Pot”. Having a grasp of who you are as a living, spiritual being cleanses you of the negative hindrances that can hold you back as a woman.
Your Deeper Self
I’m not talking about getting “religion” or joining a church; I’m simply suggesting that you become aware of a deeper part of yourself that may be stagnant and “stuffed-up”. Spiritual awareness and enlightenment takes time and patience. And though you may have already experienced a spiritual event that changed your life, you owe it to yourself to go further; ask questions; seek the answers until you get them; then ask some more. God, the universe, and your fellow humans will answer; they will join in your quest for peace, joy, and life fulfillment. Be spiritually and emotionally well- find your “Neti Pot”.
Photos by Perception-Obscure and Pazukki
I recently did a post on memory loss and since decided to pursue ways to bring new health and life to my brain; it seems like a smart thing to do considering the alternative, chronic forgetfulness and even loss of brain cells. This trek that I’m on started with an evaluation of all the things that I did in my 20s and 30s when my mind seemed to be more like the proverbial steel trap than the bucket of mush it is now.
Back Then
• First, I realized that I was a lot more active with the kids; I walked (even jogged) regularly; and I engaged in more learning activities. All of these things are recommended for brain health.
• Second, I’m sure my hormone levels were different (pre-pre-menopause).
• Third, I was constantly reading something.
• Fourth, I spent more time with friends.
• And last, but certainly not least, I had a lot more sex.
The good thing about my past activities is that almost all of them can be added back into my current lifestyle (looking forward to most of it).
The Now
The next thing I did was evaluate what I do, don’t do, or have now that I didn’t back then.
• First, I drink more wine, take more medicines, and rely on caffeine to wake me up in the morning (oh, wait, I always did coffee).
• Second, I have more headaches requiring narcotic intervention (Demerol and Phenergan injections: Not recommended for healthy brain function).
• Third, I have allergies (Claritan Clear my ass).
• Lastly…damn it, I forgot what it was! Oh yeah, I don’t listen to music as much as I used to.
The Results and Plan of Action
I find these lists extremely interesting and concluded that if I just learn (by reading) how to spend more time with the kids and how to have more sex in your forties, jog to my friend’shouse (while listening to Mozart on the ipod) to tell her about my findings; when I get there, “just say no” to the wine, ibuprofen, and coffee she offers; come home, chase the kids (playfully, of course) out of my bedroom, and do my husband…then, because my health will have improved so much, the migraines and the allergies will have ceased to exist clearing my head significantly. That leaves me with one problem…the forty-something hormoneissue, which according to my web site can be fixed. So, I’m good to go. And with my little self-eval I just saved enough money to put one child through the first year of college and enough time to have…a lot more sex. I feel smarter already. Be well.
Photo by Usagicassidy
What I am writing here may at first seem negative, but remember the flip side of a negative is always a positive and light scatters darkness – always!
My mom died of cancer at the age of 52. That’s way too young! Why?? Through the years I have thought of her and asked God that question. Consequently, I now know why she went to an early grave. My dad was strong and authoritative, from the generation that taught him to be the head of the household and that the wife must submit to his every wish, while giving up her own desires and dreams.
Consequences of Not Being Yourself
Because my mom was (de)educated in the same way, she dropped her pre-marriage life and tried to fit into her husband’s mold of what a wife should be. She was very good at it; the “perfect wife”. She gave up everything she knew and loved for whatever he wanted. She had liked dance and drama, asparagus and spinach, writing and creative decorating. He did not like these things so she squelched her true self to fit his mold (see “Boxes and Molds”). As I look now at photographs of her, I see fear and hopelessness in her eyes. Why did she do that? I believe she thought she was doing the right thing. Bless her heart; all is well with her now!
I started out following her example – wanting to be the “best wife” and to “make my husband happy”! You know, it didn’t work, nor should it have. I re-invented myself for my husband and it did not make him happy! It just hurt me and making me ill. I developed fibromyalgia and other health problems caused from the stress of trying to be someone that I simply was not!
I Am
Please don’t get caught in this trap. God made you special and unique. He does not want you to change who you are – the essence of your being – for ANYONE! Be yourself!! You can’t have health without that. I am myself now, and, whatever consequences that brings, I can handle. I feel free, honest and whole…and I am very happy! I like myself!
There is always someone, somewhere, who won’t like you, no matter who you are or what you do. So what?! It is their loss. If you are true to yourself, you are doing alright!!
***Donna Martelli is a personal trainer, ballet instructor, and health coach. For more information about Donna’s services, please visit her web site.
Photo by Ritabraga
The Evaluation
How many of us have gazed into the mirror only to see ourselves at an earlier age, an age in which circumstances have left us in a drama of life that we were forever trying to forget; one that we thought we had buried, and yet time has brought forth the resurfacing of misdirected and scattered emotions – often those that have wounded and left us in a state of despair? Why is it we would choose to carry the burden of unpleasant memories rather than allowing them to be released with love and forgiveness, or at least understanding?
For most of us this is certainly an unconscious decision, for who of us would welcome or even permit disruption of this magnitude just to test our endurance? How and why do these wounds and emotions surface?
The Science Behind Emotions
Old research suggests that the seat of emotions stem from the heart, yet more recently the heart has become figurative. Attention is now directed to the right side of the brain; this division between the right and left side of the brain has taken on a new meaning. The left side has been denoted as analytical (the thinking, logical and conscious side), whereas the right side is the more creative (emotional, intuitive and where the sub-conscious lies).
It is a known fact that between birth and the first five to seven years of our life are the most critical. This is when we establish our interactive patterns with others or what we call our “scripts”. These scripts have set the stage in our lives as to how we will react to a given situation. We are repeatedly put to the test as to what positive or negative emotions we have adopted and to what programming we have chosen to accept on a subconscious level only to experience the scenario on a more open and accountable conscious level.
I’m Lost – Have You Seen Me?
The trauma that is buried often finds its way to the surface as an outward expression of negativity because our complex emotions have not been defined nor have they been liberated from our collective thoughts; we are bound to them with no understanding. As we interact with others our perception of what is right or wrong becomes our judgment of every action or re-action in our environment and we act accordingly. Sadly, what is often lost to us is the understanding of the true sense of our self, that which lies deep within or we might say the “Secret Person of the Heart”. Although this is who we truly are, the complexity of our being rarely allows for the unveiling of our protective self.
It’s All an Act
Many have experienced much hurt and pain throughout their lives and have kept all this pain buried. What is projected outwardly is only the personality. Very seldom do any of us walk up to another and say, “I am afraid; I have been hurt; please love me; show me compassion and acceptance; I have been wounded and need your love desperately.” Instead, we hide behind our fears, and if the personality is to an extreme it is often reflecting the opposite of the “secret” person.
When we come upon someone who is hateful, boisterous, and very aggressive we can usually assume that the person deep within is quite the opposite and is experiencing fear, hurt, and carrying more pain than we can imagine. We all have four basic needs that we’re constantly striving for: acceptance, attention, approval, and affection. We want someone to be close to, someone to confide in, someone to reveal ourselves to without the fear of being hurt — someone who will not shut the door on us.
The Three Ways to Interact
With different relationships and complexities among individuals, our inter-personalities will allow us to interact with others in three different ways. We can either move against someone (aggressive), with someone (assertive), or away from someone (passive). Now when two aggressive people come together, often the police will have to come and settle the matter if it gets out of hand; but if it’s an aggressive and passive relationship or encounter than you have one very boisterous and the other listening and moving out of their way constantly. Two very passive people make for a quiet time, they are normally content with just sitting there enjoying the moment.
So then we come to the question, “what is assertiveness”? This is where you move ‘with someone’. If another would ask you to do something for them, you may be in a position to do so, but at the same time, if you can’t accommodate their request you are able to decline with love, and it would sound somewhat like this: “I can not make myself available to do what you are asking of me, but I want you to know that I love you very much”.
Moving with someone is always a good place to be. Relationships grow from here and are very loving. When we lash out aggressively it feels as if we are against those around us or when we say nothing then we hold resentment within us, which eventually turns into anger. Saying our truth and revealing our heart permits us to honor ourselves and others around us.
True Emotional Freedom
By letting go of blame and judgment, force and control, forgiving the past, accepting responsibility and accountability for self, loving everyone including ourselves without putting conditions on that love, then we will gain balance, harmony and order in our lives; we will experience love to the highest degree. Our fear will dissipate, for love and fear are mutually exclusive. They cannot occupy the same space at the same time. Where there is love, fear cannot enter. When we begin to resonate with this, we can be sure without a doubt that we have finally found ‘our peace’.
***This is dedicated to the child within each and everyone of us. And with the most unconditional love and acceptance to my precious children, Tiffany and Brad Hawkins, whom I will forever be walking behind with admiration. May we always find our way together in this lifetime. I love you!
Dr. Terri Hawkins-Fox is a physician of Naturopathy and holds a PhD in Nutritional Science. Currently she owns and operates the Indianapolis wellness center Natural Rejuvenation. For more information on the health care services provided by Dr. Hawkins-Fox, please contact her for consultation and appointments.
I am reminded every day of my age by looking in the mirror, remembering my oldest daughter’s is 24, and by the wisdom (and trivia) that I have acquired over the years. I’m not going to write about mid-life crises or anything like that. On the contrary, I believe that neither your state of health nor your beauty should have one iota to do with the number of years you’ve been on the planet; unless, of course, they are better because you have made a few more mistakes and learned from them.
Journey of a Woman
Last night I had a dream that starred my mother, my oldest daughter, my youngest daughter, and me. I woke up wondering what it meant. It wasn’t long before I realized that it was about the stages of a woman’s life-her journey. This really made sense considering the four of us were traveling. It was an example of one’s life span; well, my life span. But I thought it was interesting enough to share.
I thought about each stage of life that the women in my dream represented. They were all beautiful, useful, full of energy and life; they owned the present state of their existence. We were together, but individuals; we had jobs to do as each of us was important to the trip. We learned from each other.
Doubt Must Go
I shared that to say this; many of us can doubt ourselves at certain points in our life’s calendar. We question our beauty because we are 40-something; we question our health because we are 60-something; and we question our wisdom at 20-something. You know what I’m talking about. The bad thing is, those feelings of inadequacy might have more to do with the world’s influence through media, ideals, and expectations than they do with our own evaluations.
Believe in Yourself
The world gets judgmental and stereotypes us; we have to get tough and stand our ground. Refusing to fall into a category or age group is something that takes a strong will to avoid. It also takes belief in who you are as a woman, a mother, a wife, and a human being. I really believe that a woman has to understand this, act on it, and then live in the true happiness that self-love brings – regardless of age.
This is similar to the post I did on labels a few days ago. I’m just saying that we need to be careful about how we see ourselves. Know that you are beautiful at any age; and with some determination, you can be as healthy in later years-even healthier- than you were as a youth. I hope this post speaks to you on a level that you can hear. Be well and beautiful-no matter what.
Photo by Witch of Nature
How many times a day do you label yourself or others around you? Face it ladies, we live in a world of titles, status, and stereotypes. Of course, it’s okay to give yourself or someone else a label of love like, good person, incredible listener, compassionate; it’s when we throw the negative out there that we hurt ourselves and our fellow humans.
Diverting Negative Labels
Recently, a new friend pointed out a mistake I was about to make. Because of debilitating headaches, I was trying to get disability benefits. Fortunately, I was denied because of my work credit status. My friend told me that it was a “blessing” that I didn’t get it; the label of “disabled” would only solidify the condition with negative reinforcement. She was right.
After being declined, I surged with determination and a new positive attitude about getting well. Just by thinking about and feeling the emotions of true health, I have stepped closer to the reality. It’s a process that takes time and consistency. You don’t just get it overnight…at least, I didn’t.
Inventory
Now, how do you steer yourself away from damaging thoughts, feelings, and words? Well, first take an inventory of what you love about yourself, and then one of what you hate. The good in your life is a direct result of your positive attitude and the statements that you’ve made in the past. Now, about the bad; yeah, though harder to accept, you could be to blame for that, too.
Be Proactive
I discovered that being neutral, not doing anything, and sitting there waiting for life to happen is not the best way to a positive outcome. Here’s a great example of how consistent positive reinforcement can make your life better-and safer: I have been driving for over 25 years now-one of the things that I have always done well. Because I consistently believe my driving abilities are excellent and speak it out, I have never been in an accident, never received a ticket and have avoided more road disasters than I can tell you. That’s an accomplishment that not many-good drivers included-can claim.
Take Control
The point being, it’s not enough to just let things happen. You must take control of your life-at least the part that the universe allows you to. Say what you want; say the opposite of what you believe if that belief is negative. God, the universe, and other people will line up with your input and go above and beyond to make your vision come true. So, do yourself a favor, change your label; change your mind; change your life.
Photo by http://purplerainistaken.deviantart.com/art/what-they-say-about-me-79943302
When people say “be true to yourself,” what they are really saying is take the time to learn who you are and what you are passionate about. A large part of that discovery may be your creative self. Without engaging this unique part of your being, you may be cheating yourself out of a fulfilling portion of your life. You don’t have to be an artist or musician to be creative. On the contrary, we all are creative or can be whether we have artistic talents or not. The key is in our passions. When you love to do something so much that you can’t stop thinking about it, that’s when the creativity flows freely.
Life Gets In the Way
Careers, past wounds, and even family can hinder the flow of your creative self if you don’t pay attention. Life is complicated, and you don’t always have the time or energy to think about how to use this side of yourself that some even feel is unnecessary. Well, guess what? You probably are using it regardless of your intentions. We are creative beings; we see, feel, think, hear, and we live out the very ideas that come from deep within our human souls. To what extent we engage in artistry is totally up to us. That is why life is worth living; we are the artists with extra large canvases at our fingertips. A part of freeing yourself up for more creativity is finding balance.
Use It or Lose It
You must use the side of your brain that controls creative output or you will lose the ability to recognize it when it wants to engage. Have you ever sprained your ankle and were afraid to put your full weight on it even though plenty of time had passed? Well, it’s natural to shy away from things that are painful or are not familiar to us. Just like that weak joint, you may have sustained an injury to your creative side. And lack of use has left it weak or even disabled completely. It’s then a matter of identifying the problem and working toward a solution- a form of therapy. This may not be as easy as just willing it to surface; you may have to dig into your past to uncover memories that could be painful.
Don’t Forget About You
Another culprit stealing your sense of creative self is something that we all do, especially if you are a mom. Adam wants to play baseball; Kaitlyn wants to be the next prima-ballerina; Lexie needs to take piano lessons; the list goes on and on. When you spend so much time making everyone else’s dreams come true, it’s easy to lose focus on your own. That is when it becomes necessary to redirect some of that energy to you. If you don’t, you will never reclaim the part of yourself that so desperately wants to be used and recognized.
Baby Steps
One thing that I have always had a problem with is trying to do too much at once. I like to do so many different creative things that I get frustrated when I can’t do them all. What I learned was to focus on one or two talents that I am truly passionate about and stick with them. I pass on secondary creative ideas to someone else to pursue or I sit on them until my time frees up. I guess the point is to be selective and give yourself time to enjoy your chosen path of creativity.
The Artist’s Way
One of the best books I have read on the subject is Julia Cameron’s, The Artist’s Way: A Spiritual Path to Higher Creativity [10th Anniversary Edition] This book changed my life in the sense of knowing who I am and what my creative purpose is. It’s what I call a “project book.” From beginning to end, you are engaged in a plan to regain control of your creative self or find that person if she has never been there. Some of the exercises are difficult as they challenge you at your core – and at your weaknesses. Though I did not use it, the Artist’s Way Workbook is also available . No matter how creative you are or how stagnant that part of your life is, the book’s message of hope, faith, and alliance with your true self gives anyone the opportunity to find new ways to grow.
Photo by http://jackiejealousy.deviantart.com/art/The-Girl-is-an-Artist-115216414
Anger is like a destructive bacteria growing everywhere; you don’t see it coming until it’s too late. It’s in our homes, our workplaces, and every store we step foot into. You can’t go anywhere these days without hearing a mom yell at her kids or witness a disgruntled driver flip the bird to an old lady who accidentally pulled out in front of him. In fact, you may have even been that mom or driver. Whether we are the ones who are angry or the recipients of the heated emotion, we can all honestly say that nothing good usually comes of it.
Analyze Your Actions
Try, for just a moment, to remember the last time you got angry with someone. How did you communicate your feelings? How did they respond? Do you regret your actions? How could you have acted differently? These questions are simply to get you thinking about how this negative emotion can rule if you let it. Truth be told, we can always improve our communication with others.
The Opposite of Anger is Empathy
Because anger is a valid feeling, I am not saying don’t ever be angry. God knows that would not be possible for most. What I am saying, however, is be angry, just don’t do something you will regret later. Stop and think before you act; it just might save you a whole lot of heartache later. According to health and wellness gurus, Drs. Roizen and Oz, “the opposite of anger is empathy.” Empathy is defined as the intellectual identification with or vicariously experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another. Though it’s difficult to imagine having empathy for someone who just hurt you in some way, Roizen and Oz strongly suggest that it’s just the key we need to overcome anger. “Doing the opposite of what you think you should do works in the area of anger and stress,” they said. “The cure to calming down is to take a moment and think about why that person may have done something to you.” What if that old lady who pulled out in front of you just lost her husband and was a little distracted as she drove to the funeral home.
Meditation: The Way to Peace
Think about that for a moment; if we could actually feel what someone else is experiencing, then maybe we wouldn’t act or react so hastily with anger. Truthfully, we don’t really know what is going on in the lives of those around us. Therefore, it’s not easy to know when our anger is truly justified. So if mind reading is not the norm for the masses then what do we do?
One key to balancing your emotions is keeping calm and focused throughout the day. Set aside a few moments each day to meditate. No, you don’t have to do the whole lotus position on the floor thing. Just sit alone somewhere quiet (if you can) and breathe deeply. Imagine with every inhale you are drawing in new, vibrant energy, and with every exhale, you are ridding yourself of harmful emotions and toxins. Think about a place that naturally brings peace to mind, a stream slowly cascading over a waterfall, seagulls flying over the beach, a vast forest of pine trees. Nature scenes work for me; you may have a completely different idea of peace and tranquility.
Most of us are not prepared for daily conflict when it shows its ugly head. That is why we often lash out or treat others with disrespect. Consider meditation as preventative therapy. The spiritual benefits to quiet time go a long way in keeping you connected to your feelings. Also, make an effort to get some form of exercise. A brisk walk does wonders for stress relief and a cluttered mind.
Get a Clue About Your Anger
Listening to what people are saying is a good way to get a clue about how you are treating others. My children said, “stop yelling at me” all the time. My response would be “I’m not yelling at you.” After months of this, I finally decided to listen to myself when I spoke to the children. To my surprise, I had been speaking to them in a much louder and firmer voice than I thought I was. I deducted that it was my way of asserting authority. Well, interestingly enough, when I stopped yelling (talking loud and firm) they started responding with much more respect and kindness.
Help Is Out There
If you find it difficult to stop a negative cycle of anger, you may need to seek professional guidance to get started. Anger management programs take you through a series of exercises and therapies that enable you to recognize your triggers and deep-set issues. Of course, not everyone needs this type of help; most will make improvement by simply changing a few bad habits. Try these simple steps for anger management:
- Get enough rest; when you are tired you are much more likely to react with anger.
- Get at least 20 minutes of exercise three times a week.
- Set aside a few minutes a day to meditate.
- Analyze how you react in different situations.
- Be honest with yourself about your emotions.
- Before responding to someone, take a moment to reflect on why they might have acted the way they did.
- Don’t assume that someone is out to get you. There may be a logical explanation for their actions.
- Talk openly about your feelings before they simmer too long. Bottling up anger leads to much worse problems in the long run.
- Remember, any improvement is good. Praise yourself for the victories!
Seek professional help if you your anger is out of control; hurting others and yourself is not acceptable. You might be depressed or experiencing some form of chemical imbalance that is causing heightened emotions. A doctor’s advice is crucial in these cases. Whatsgoodaboutanger.com is a great resource for anyone who needs support in ending anger management problems. Also, if you are a victim of domestic violence, please tell someone before it’s too late. Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).
Resource: Health for Women magazine, issue #4
Photo by Live Animal Cams
Personal Experience
When I was in my early twenties, I had an eating disorder. For the sake of being thin and fitting into a size 4, I would purge after at least two meals a day. Fortunately, I recognized the error in my thinking and confided in my mother what had been going on. She listened and offered to help me in any way. With her support and an abrupt realization of how I was hurting myself, I determined to stop the unhealthy obsession. I was one of the lucky ones who found my way out before it was too late.
The consequences didn’t pass me up altogether, though. It was no coincidence that I suffered from a temporary thyroid imbalance mere weeks after my last purging session. I shared that piece of my history to ensure you that I do have perspective and empathy for those who suffer from poor body image, addictions, and all types of eating disorders.
It Takes a Village
Because image is so prevalent in our society, many women feel the need to have the perfect body, which is defined by the media and Hollywood as a size 6. The funny thing is that most women are above a size 8. This trend can start at a young age; children as young as 5 years old are expressing concern about their appearance, while children as young as 7 have been formally diagnosed with eating disorders. You can easily see the problem.
Inadequacy: A Smoke Screen
When women feel their bodies are inadequate, they tend to want to change things for the better but often lack the proper resources to do so. It could be money, time, health problems, or even fear that keep them from doing the right thing. Instead of turning to a professional or even a family member for help, they take things into their own hands thus causing, in many cases, eating disorders, and addictions. According to the APA Work Group on Eating Disorders, between 0.5% and 3.7% of women suffer from anorexia, and between 1.1% and 4.2% of women suffer from bulimia. That’s too many women out there destroying their lives with something that is supposed to sustain it.
The Reality
Research conducted by the Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry suggested that eating disorders are becoming even more of a problem in our modern society. Statistics show that cases of anorexia, bulimia, and binge eating have doubled since the 1960s. While eating disorders were once most common among middle-class, Caucasian women, the condition now affects people in all ethnic and social economic groups. According to statistics from foodaddictionsummit.org, over the last 20 years, obesity rates have dramatically increased in the United States. Of the approximately two thirds of adults in the United States who are overweight; more than half of them-more than 72 million-are considered obese.
The Core of Addiction
An addiction is defined as being abnormally dependent on something that is psychologically or physically habit forming and has an abnormally strong craving (Dictionary.com, 2004). As with any addiction, the problem lies in the root causes that often bury themselves deep within the individual’s emotional make up. It takes more than just wishful thinking to stop the madness that consumes the addict. It is a lifestyle change that requires consistent discipline and courage from the sufferer. Often, professional help may be needed to diagnose underlying conditions, such as, depression, anxiety, and other mental disorders.
The best doctors in the world can’t help any of these problems, however, unless the person is willing to dig deep within themselves for the answers. We can’t definitively say why anyone has food, drug, alcohol, sex or any other addiction; only that humans do things because they get something out of it-the pay off. Whatever the circumstances are behind a person’s addiction, they believe that the result or pay off is worth suffering the consequences for; otherwise, they wouldn’t do what they do.
The Killers
An individual with a food addiction is completely consumed with thoughts of food and is lacking the general concern for their well-being. Life threatening ailments like heart disease, cancer, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, diabetes, liver damage, and many others are taking more and more lives every day because of this epidemic. Even with the threat to life, these individuals may not have the ability to stop without the proper care and information.
We Must Change
The World Health Organization projects that, by 2015, approximately 2.3 billion adults will be overweight and more than 700 million will be obese. These alarming numbers if not taken seriously will doom an entire generation to poor health and premature death. Thankfully, we are seeing some changes in our society concerning the problem. Schools, businesses, and families are beginning to recognize that we are only going to abort the trend with education and action.
Try the following tips to strengthen the cause against eating disorders and obesity:
- Keep informed about your current state of health; regular doctor visits will keep you in check.
- Do not assume foods are healthy because they say “low fat or no added sugar” on the package.
- Educate your children about food portions and balancing the food groups. If you don’t know what that means, then educate yourself.
- Encourage young girls to focus on things other than their appearance.
- If you notice that you have gained weight, figure out why before it gets out of control.
- Give yourself a maximum weight limit and try to stay under it.
- Pack lunches for the whole family instead of relying on schools and restaurants to supply healthy meals.
- Get more active.
- Get kids involved in sports and outdoor activities.
- Don’t buy it and you won’t eat it.
- Talk openly to a doctor, friend, or family member about your fears and challenges with food.
- To help determine if you have a food addiction, consider the following questions:
1. Do you eat comfort foods to help deal with an emotional issues?
2. Do you fixate on certain foods throughout the day?
3. Do you binge on food either in secret or when alone?
4. Do you clean your plate regardless of how much food there is on it, even when full?
5. Do you eat until you get sick?
6. Do you find yourself eating very quickly so you can eat more?
7. Do you feel guilty after eating too much of the wrong types of food?
8. Do you hide food in the house or car?
9. Do you think about food even when you’re not hungry?
If you suspect that you have a food addiction or are overweight/obese, please seek help from someone you trust.
Statistics taken from the following sources: http://www.foodaddictionsummit.org/epidemic.htm
American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry
APA Work Group on Eating Disorders
The World Health Organization
Hamburger photo by, David Franzen. Woman on scale photo by, Genie4today.